One Day, One Night, One Afternoon
by katsalinas
Summary: COMPLETE-Epilogue Added-Letty comes face to face with her one indiscretion. How will the team take it? Better yet, how will Dom take it? (S.W.A.T. Crossover fic)
1. Default Chapter

**One Day, One Night, One Afternoon**

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**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of them. Don't sue.  
  
**Author's Notes: **First TFTF fic, first SWAT fic. I just watched both movies again--same night, no less--and this thing popped up. If you're reading my Voyager fic--yes, I'm working on it. Yes, it has an ending. Anyway, I'd love some contructive crits and maybe a beta reader for this. Anyone available to help me out? :)

* * *

**Prologue**  
  
I used to wonder how Dom could do this.

Fuck and leave, I mean.

I don't have much experience in bed. The only man I've ever been with was Dom. I never wanted anyone else, never even considered it.

I've loved Dom all my life, and I know he loves me. I don't doubt that, which is why his infidelity confuses me.

_He loves you Letty, it doesn't mean anything. He just can't stay away from the women, they all want him. It's a guy thing Let, he'll grow out of it._

Whatever.

One night it's him telling me that I'm the most important person in his life, and the next he's coming home with a bite on his neck and reeking of skank perfume.

And we'll fight. I'll get angry, throw things. And he'll yell back, maybe throw a couple of things. Then I'll try and walk away and he'll apologize.

Tell me it doesn't mean anything. These women are nothing. It's just sex. He will never leave me, he can never leave me. He loves me.

It's just fucking, right? Get your wick wet and then boom--done, no hard feelings, no questions asked.

Meaningless sex…

The night is almost over. In less than an hour, the sun will come up. I have to leave otherwise Dom will come looking for me.

Outside, I hear the crashing of the waves as the tide begins to recede, rolling back into the ocean.

Something brushes my hand and I look down. Notice the warm skin, the long lean back, how my caramel complexion stands out next to his light skin.

He's so different. I don't know much about him, but I can tell. He'll be different.

Maybe it is a guy thing, because I have no idea how to walk away from what I've done.

* * *

**1 Year After The Heist**

It's a hot day. Burns like a bitch. The garage is like a boiler room, and everyone's patience is hanging by a thread.

Brian and Mia are in the store, stocking the fridge, the shelves. The place is empty, and all the fans are pointing at them. Lucky them.

Leon and Vince are bickering next to a gutted Supra. Both of them are sweaty, grubby and shirtless. It's not an unusual sight, but to see them arguing over a mere decal is pathetic. Vince takes his whining up a notch and I can see Leon almost approve.

They want to get Dom to close down early, like I do.

But Dom, good ol' Papi Dom, is in the zone.

His boots are sticking out from underneath a Honda, a foot tapping to the beat of some hip-hop tune. Don't bother remembering who it is, too hot.

He's not hearing anything, not seeing anything, but the piece of machinery in front of him. It's not scheduled for pick-up until Friday afternoon, but he wants to get this done early. After everything that's happened, he feels he has something to prove.

Prove what, I don't know. Everyone knows that Dom can do the work, but now I guess he wants everyone to know that he can do better.

Leon kicks an empty coke can and Vince lobbies it back. They're still at it.

The combination of noise, heat, and loud music is making my head spin, and I roll out from underneath the car I'm detailing.

"Will you boys shut up!" I yell "I'ma trying to work here!"

"Then tell this cross eyed freak to mind his own business" Leon yelled

Vince raised his good hand as if to punch and Leon just pushed him. They were scrapping on the floor in mere seconds.

Over a fucking decal. Great.

I wiped the sweat out of my forehead and got back into the car.

Welcome to Hell, California.

Just when I thought that I'd have to go three more hours of this fucking noise and heat, Dom threw his wrench and shot out of the Honda.

"Enough!"

All heads turned to him, hopeful. We didn't have a rush job, no one was at the store, and we all knew that no one in their right minds would even come out in this fucking broiler.

Dom was ready to blow, but so were we.

"Don't wanna work? Fine. Just shut up. This heat is already making me lose ma concentration and you're not helping any!" he sighed "We'll finish the hour. Don't think anyone's coming in today and I could use a shower."

We all sighed then gave a collective whoop.

Mia started clucking about dinner while she helped Brian close up. The boys started packing up tools, while I started putting away rags and oil cans and all the other crap that you use when working on a car.

After storing all my stuff, I took a moment to stretch and take in the lingering smell of performance race fuel and engine grease. Not a lot of people may agree, but it's one of the best smells in the world.

I was on my way to clean up when we heard a car pull up next to the store.

It was an Escalade, not the kind of car that we usually saw in our garage, but not unusual enough to cause trouble.

The driver stayed in for awhile, probably sucking in the AC before stepping out into the heat.

I went into the office and stepped out of my work clothes, pulling on a clean wife beater over my ripped to shit denim shorts. I felt like dunking my head in a drum of water, but I knew a clean shower was waiting for me at the house.

I could hold out a few.

The boys stomped in the office next, and I wove my way out of a tangle of elbows.

Outside, I could see Brian talking to the driver of the Escalade. I couldn't see who it was, but from the way Brian's back tensed, I could see that this wasn't just another customer.

"Brian?" I called out, walking towards the store.

Mia had this odd look on her face as she listened in on the conversation. Not good. I could feel Dom following me as I hurried up, anxious to see who this was. My heart was pounding out of my chest, even though I knew we weren't doing anything wrong.

Six months on the run can do that.

Dom pushed past me and jogged to the store. "Something wrong O'Connor?"

"It's alright Dom" Brian answered, calm. Maybe too calm. "A friend of mind just wanted to say hi to Letty."

As soon as he said that, I felt my heart jump from my chest and land on my feet.

I knew who it was. I didn't even need to see it, I already felt it…felt _him_.

Brian stepped back, his face happy but nervous. Beside him was a man I thought I'd never see again.

He was looking at me, flashing me one of those boyish grins.

"Hey, Letty."

My mouth turned dry as I tried to get the word of my throat. "Jim?!"


	2. Introductions

I don't remember much from that night apart from when we were together.

I know Dom and I had a fight. I don't remember what about, though for a change, it wasn't because I'd caught him with some bitch. No, I remember all of Dom's stupid little indiscretions, even if I wanted so much to forget about them.

Like a lot of our scream fests, this one ended with me walking out.

It was during a race. Left before I could take a run. I know because I felt stupid for leaving without winning…and missing my adrenaline rush for the evening.

That made me foolish.

Restless, craving speed, all hyped up from my fight with Dom, full of energy that had no where to go. Fine recipe for trouble.

I ended up in some bar. Not too far, but far enough that nobody knew me. Not that it mattered. Everyone I knew was at the race.

I don't know how I got there, and I didn't care. I just needed somewhere to go, so I went. Drove around. Saw a place with a bunch of boring cars parked on the outside. Save for this little blue Mustang. Not the good one, but the crappy one, '70s model.

I went in anyway. Because just like everything else, it was the car that drew me in.

* * *

There wasn't anything special about the place, though the place seemed respectable. It was clean, for one. A lot of people were playing pool. And though it was pretty dim, I could see the pictures adoring the walls.

It was the time of the night when it was either too late or too early for anything, so there weren't a lot of people on the counter. Some biker dude who was chatting up the bartender. Two big guys in windbreakers complaining about their wives.

Your usual, boring shit.

I leaned on the counter and caught the bartenders attention "Corona!"

He nodded, popped a bottle and poured it into a glass, then slid it down the counter to my hand.

At first I wanted to laugh. I never had a Corona in a glass before, always straight up. And I'd sure as hell never been to a bar where they bothered to slide the beer on a shiny counter top.

Fuckin' Cheers, that place.

Which was why I stayed. No one would come looking for me here. The team wouldn't think twice about this place and Dom…well, Dom and I love to have our own quarter mile between us every time we fight.

I drank through the froth and stared into my drink. Like into it.

My dad, when he got drunk, used to say that if you stared hard enough into your drink, you could see your future. His alcoholic version of reading tea leaves.

Hard to do that from a bottle, but with me bored and with a glass, I thought I'd give it a try.

"Doesn't work you, know"

I looked up and glared at the voice.

A tall, rather wiry young man was sliding in next to me. He gave me quirky smile, then knocked on the counter.

"Hey Gus" he smiled

A glass immediately made its way down to his hand.

"You can stare at it all you want, but I can assure you that tomorrow's news is not gonna show up."

My eyebrows shot up, but then narrowed down again. I wasn't in the mood for some chit-chat, let alone with some cocky ass in a fucking plaid shirt.

"And I thought my father the drunk was being original."

He just smiled. "I think it's an old Irish tale."

I snorted. "Do I fucking look Irish?"

Normally, my attitude would be enough to scare some stupid vato away or have some idiot on the races turned on and spoiling for a fight.

This one just laughed and held out his hand.

* * *

"Jim Street."

Dom looked like he wanted to crush a few bones but decided to be polite.

"Dominic Toretto"

"Yeah, I've heard a lot about you."

"And I've heard nothing about you."

I already knew that Dom was going to be an ass, but how he would react is a different thing.

Things have changed in the past six months, and we were different people. Older, certainly wiser, and maybe a bit more jaded and feeling a lot more mortal.

We all looked at things differently now, after Jesse, and I wondered how Dom would look at this.

I could see him contemplating what to do, saw doubt simmering in his dark eyes.

I couldn't hide anything from Dom. Ever. And though I'd held out this long, I knew that this would have eventually come out.

But not like this. I didn't expect this. Not with Jim looking earnest and Dom looking like he wanted to smash his fist on somebody's face.

We all kind of stood there. Me waiting for the ground to open and swallow me whole, Vince and Leon suspiciously looking ahead, Dom scowling and controlling his temper, and Jim just waiting for something to happen. At last, Brian cleared his throat and decided to take control of the situation.

"Now that you've met Dom, I'll introduce you to the rest of the team" Brian put an arm around Mia and pulled her out "This is my girl Mia"

Mia stepped up and shook his hand. "Hello"

"And Leon"

Leon held out a greasy hand that Jim readily shook. "'Sup man."

"And Vince."

Vince didn't move for a while, just looked him up and down, his good arm forming a fist by his side.

He was worse than Dom, maybe because he was hurt more than Dom, in more ways than one.

Jim extended his hand, now grease stained from Leon.

For a minute I thought Vince was going to spit in the ground, instead he extended his right hand. The bad hand, the one with the whip-like scars coiled on his arm, making it shake.

I thought everything was okay, but when Jim tried to pull back, Vince wouldn't let go of his hand.

Vince always had the better senses, and this time was no different.

"Are you a cop?" he asked

My blood froze and I could see Brian stiffen from the corner of my eyes.

Mia and Leon watched nervously from the sides, while Dom looked ready to kill.

But the nuclear blast that I was waiting for didn't appear, as Jim—cocky Jim—just stepped back, and scratched his head.

"Actually, yeah. I'm SWAT."

* * *

**  
Author's Notes: If anyone can tell me what car Jim really has in the movie…I would be very grateful. I thought it was a Mustang, but the back is wrong. I'm going nuts here. So if anyone can tell me, please let me know, not just for this fic, but more for the sake of knowing. I'm going out of my mind!!!**


	3. Admittance

**Flashback**

I felt like an idiot for sneaking around.

I was creeping around half naked, looking for the rest of the clothes and hoping not to wake anyone as I left.

I had my boots on and my skirt, no underwear. No bra. My shirt was probably by the stairs somewhere, since it was the first thing to go.

I paused for a bit, wondering where I put my keys. It wasn't in my skirt pocket. I fumbled around in the dark for a few seconds, feeling for them on the floor, until I remembered that I'd left them in the car.

I barely had time to pull them from the ignition before…well, before all _this_ happened.

Shit.

A surge of panic and bile came up my throat as the room just seemed to close around me. Was this how it was for Dom?

Because I wish I was drunk.

I wish I was hung over.

I wish I had a headache to sleep this off.

I wish I didn't remember this.

I wish I had an excuse.

I wish I hadn't done this.

I wish…I wish this guy was Dom.

…And I wish I could puke my guts out, get rid of my guilt. But I don't have much time. I have to get home, right now. And I don't even know where I am.

I still have to find my way home…fuck, I still have to find my panties.

My hand encounters a flimsy scrap of cloth and I luck out. Panties. Ha. Now bra.

Fucking matching set. Pink. Silk. A gift from Dom.

Shit.

My eyes pick out a hint of bright pink in the dim light, coiled on top of a discarded pair of jeans like a fucking cobra.

A shitty ass reminder for your lying, cheating ass, courtesy of Victoria's Secret.

Damn. Home, Letty. _Now._

I reach out for the offending piece of lingerie, the hook snagging on the jean and making the contents tumble out.

Shit, shit, shit!

My hands sweep on the floor, retrieving the fallen materials, as I look over my shoulder to see if I'd woken him up, but he was still out like a light.

I press on something hard and I automatically look down. Even in the faint lighting, I recognize that glint of gold, housed in leather polished to a spit shitting shine.

Oh fuck.

* * *

**Present**

Fuck. Just fuck.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Jim was asking, following Mia around as she led him and the boys out to the backyard

"Oh yeah, we were just thinking of having a barbecue anyway. I know It's hot, but believe me, by the time were done, it'll be a balmy evening, should be perfect out."

She flashes him a nice grin, which causes all three boys to glare. Brian is just standing there, too worried to react.

"Besides, any friend of Brian is welcome in our house" she tells him

Oh yeah, Mia. Like you couldn't remember what happened the last time we invited a cop over for a barbecue.

Of course, we didn't know he was a cop then.

At least by now, we all know that Jim is SWAT and that we hate him. That should cut through all the pleasantry crap and land him directly into the bullshit-a clear advantage.

"Yeah, I mean your already here man, so you can come stay" Vince was telling him "You can tell us all about yourself, how you became friends with Brian"

"And Letty" Dom cut in, handing him a Corona, making Brian smile

Mia notices this and pokes Brian in the ribs "What?"

"Jim's all Irish, he really only drinks Guinness."

Dom's eyebrows shot up "Is that so?"

Jim shakes his head and takes the proffered drink "Nah man, this is cool. Not quite the same grog but I've gotten a taste for it."

Brian slapped him in the back while Vince and Leon chugged down their drinks, laughing. And Dom…Dom just looked right at me.

"I'm going to take a shower" I mumble, then walked towards the house to make my escape

* * *

**Flashback**

A cop.

A fucking Metro cop.

Way to fucking go Letty. You're first time out and you get a fucking _COP_. That'll learn ya. That'll fucking learn ya.

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears running down my chin. Jesus, why the hell did I think that I could do this?

I was in the middle of putting on my shirt when a warm hand on my back almost made me jump.

"Hey"

I wiped the snot off my nose, wanting to regain some composure. "I gotta go."

His hand travels up my neck, and I can feel his thumb trailing underneath my ear.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just have to go home."

HOME. An hour from now, Mia will get up to take a shower, then review last nights night's notes before she starts breakfast. Dom will be down an hour later, followed by Leon. Vince will be up halfway through the morning, then haul ass to the garage somewhere around ten.

HOME. The place I should be driving back, except I can't escape the fingers digging into my neck, tracing the weary muscles, and gently kneading them out.

"Do you have to go?"

The way he said it…

I stood up and looked around for my belt, my watch…everything that I had. I couldn't leave anything here. Not after last night.

"I've got a busy day lined up. Work."

"It's a Saturday."

"I work from home."

I pulled on my belt, my watch, some bracelet I didn't even know I had nor did I have any idea just how it came off…

"Is this because I'm a cop?"

I couldn't help it, my hand stiffened. "No."

"I saw you looking at my badge" he said, sitting up "I'm off duty, I couldn't care less what the hell it is that you do."

"Which is why I should probably go."

I knew that he saw my car, and knew what he was probably thinking. I also know that he's not going to report me, because he trusts me.

And it's the fact that I know all these that forces me to leave.

I'm half-way out the door when he calls for me to wait.

For some shitty ass reason, I turn around, and for the first time, find myself looking directly to his face.

"What?"

"What's your name?"

* * *

**Present**

"Letty?"

I look up and find Dom looking at me through the bathroom mirror.

I've just taken a shower—a long, hot one, more to hide than for luxury. The windows are fogged up, and all I have on is a towel, but for the first time Dom bypasses all the other parts in favor of my face.

He's looking at me like he doesn't know me. As if the Letty he knew was missing and he somehow got left with a clone.

In a way, it's true.

Things haven't been the same between us since Mexico, I haven't been the same.

I've been thinking more. For so long, the only thing I thought about was hooking up with Dom and clearing our names, getting back to our old lives.

But as soon as we stepped back in the house, we realized that Jesse was gone and that things would never be the same again.

"I thought he was Brian's friend?"

I snapped out of my daze and met his eyes through the mirror. They looked angry. Hurt. Suspicious.

Typical Dom.

"He is." I answer, stepping out of the bathroom and drying my hair "It's just that I happen to know him too."

I walked over to the closet pretending to dig out something to wear, a maneuver that Dom immediately noticed.

"How long have you known him?"

"Dom--"

His hand closed around my elbow and he spun me around to face him.

"How long have you known him?!" he yelled

"Three years" I answered

For a moment there he didn't say anything, but I saw his eyes turn into a deep coal black, and his mouth set, grim.

I knew what he was thinking. _Three fucking years._

I blinked, and just as suddenly the bedside lamp is knocked down and he's on the other side of the room, pacing.

"Jesus Let, he's a cop!"

"Believe me, I know."

Shit, that didn't come out right.

He stopped pacing and looked at me as I pulled a shirt over my head.

"Letty…"

I finished dressing and just stood there, watching Dom watch me, grappling with this sudden reality.

Like I said, I can never lie to Dom, ever. With us, the truth always comes out. Always. No matter how much it would hurt us, there's nothing that the two of us can hide from each other. Nothing.

"Do you love him?"

That's right Dom, cut to the chase.

He never was the type to mix with words, his eyes are searching, hopeful.

"No."

"Letty" he asks again, needing to hear this, wanting to hear this "Do you love him."

"No, Dom." I told him, speaking the truth "_I love you_."

That's the answer, always was. I love Dom.

Dom sighs, his body deflating as he releases a breath that I didn't know he was holding. Somehow I'm flattered by that breathe of relief.

"Barbecue's probably starting down stairs" I told him "We should probably go."

He simply nods, but doesn't bother moving. I head out to give him some time alone, hopefully to cool his head so that he doesn't hit Jim when he sees him again.

I don't even make it out when the next question comes in.

"Did you love him?"

That made me stop.

Fuck, did I ever love him? In those three years, who was Jim Street in my life?

"Let?"

I took a deep breath and told him the only answer I knew.

"I don't know."


	4. Explanations

Did I love him?

I asked myself that once. We were at some Dairy Queen, because Jim thought that having ice cream would be the best way to end a date.

When he asked me what flavor I preferred, I told him that whatever he got was fine. The night had been so great that I knew anything he did was going to be perfect.

The last time Dom and I went out for ice cream, I was 18. He took me to a local Malt Shoppe and got me two large fudge sundaes. No cherry, no nuts, no whipped cream, extra fudge, a dribble of caramel, and an extra scoop of chocolate ice cream and a wafer.

Mia and I had been going there since we were kids, it was our place when the two of us wanted to hang out, just us girls. That was the first time that I'd been there with Dom, and he ordered the very same thing I'd been getting since I was eight.

Jim got me large Mud Pie, and thought it was great, I realized then that I couldn't imagine my life without Dom.

Still can't.

I could be ordering a meal, and I'd be rememering his choices while I made mine. I'd be listening to some tunes and I'd automatically think if this was something he would like.

I'd been with him for such a long time, that he was a part of me, in a way that Jim could never be.

I stayed in that Dairy Queen for the rest of the night, and later went home with Jim. And we went back on other nights, and went to other places, and they were all great.

But it was that night that I asked myself, did I love Jim?

I couldn't imagine my life without Dom. But there I was, at four in the morning, watching as Jim sleepily waved me off for my long drive home, hating the fact that I had to leave.

So did I love him?

I didn't know, I still don't know, but I knew back then that I couldn't let him go.

* * *

**Present**

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Mia and I were in the kitchen, preparing the food for the barbecue while the boys did their thing outside. Shoot hoops, talk cars, talk shit. So long as they didn't kill each other I really didn't give a damn.

"Nothing's wrong, just here to help with the food."

"Okay" she said, then went back to chopping vegetables for the salad before she turned again

"You know, in all these years, I can count in one hand all the times you helped me prepare a meal. And before right now, none of those times were in the past five years."

She dropped the knife and went to where I was preparing the chicken. It wasn't the usual stuff that I did, but I felt like it was something I had to do.

"Was Jim the reason why Brian found us in Mexico?"

I didn't speak and she just sat up in the counter and sighed.

"When I asked Brian how he managed to track us...he said that he had a little help...from a friend."

I looked up, surprised. But Mia just smiled.

"We talk. After what happened, we tell each other everything...except maybe this. He said that it wasn't in his place to explain why, that this really wasn't his story to share."

She reached out, tugged my hair, something she used to do when we were kids.

"We're still friends, Let."

"I know that Mia."

"No, you don't." she smiled sadly

"We used to be able to tell each other everything. I know you Letty, you were my best friend even before you were Dom's."

She sighed, looking out. "Funny, isn't it? Now we have these boys, and somehow they've taken over everything. You were suddenly with Dom, and I had school, and now I have Brian..."

She paused and kind of chewed her lip.

"I know that you and Dom are going through a difficult time right now--"

"Mia--"

"No, let me finish" she cut in "But I also know that you two can overcome whatever it is that heads your way...if _you_ wanted to."

"I've never seen Dom like this. When he went down those stairs...it was like Jesse dying all over again. And yet he went right out trying to pretend that nothing happened."

She was close to tears now, and I sighed and slumped down the kitchen chair.

"The past year has been hard on all of us, and maybe even harder for you on those six months that you were alone. You were feeling vulnerable, and being with Jim--"

"Mia stop!" I yelled "Jim...it was a lot more than that."

I watched as she slid down the counter and sat herself in front of me in one of the chairs. She looked worried, but at least she seemed prepared to listen.

"_I _was the reason why Brian was able to track you guys in Mexico._ I_ told him where you were. Jim...Jim was the person who brought me there, and went back to help clear our names."

"What?!"

"I met Jim three years ago. We were...friends." I started "After the accident, the LAPD placed an APB on us. I told Leon to spring Vince out of the hospital, and by the time we got him, they'd put an alert on the border. Yellow Skyline, three people, two Caucasian males, one Hispanic female. Both male and female are injured. Sent pictures of us too."

"We knew we couldn't travel together, and with the two of us injured, I knew we couldn't sneak around and have Leon take care of us both. I told Leon that we should split up. And since Vince was worse off, I told him to take Vince instead of me."

"Jesus, Letty" she gasped, shocked

"I told him that I would be fine, that I would find a way to get to you guys as soon as things were okay. To not tell Dom anything, because I knew he would worry. They dropped me off a motel before heading off to Mexico."

"I had three broken ribs and a punctured lung, I knew I wouldn't survive if I didn't get any help."

"So you called Jim" she finished "You called a SWAT officer to come help you out after you just committed a crime. Only you Letty."

"Yeah" I managed to smile "Only Letty."

"What did Jim say?"

"He was surprised. We hadn't talked for close to a two years, he didn't think he'd ever hear from me. I met him when he was still in Metro. I quit seeing him as soon as he qualified for SWAT training. We kept in touch, but as soon as Dom started planning the heist and we began preparing for that, I cut it all off. Things were different then, and I didn't see the point in taking things further."

"I see." she said "You went out with a guy for a year, and we didn't even notice it. And here I was saying how much I knew you...Who are you Letty? All of a sudden...it feels like I don't know you anymore."

She wasn't angry. But she wasn't happy either. Mia hates confrontations, and I think she hasn't decided yet on what she should feel.

"Just out of curiosity, how did the two of you meet?"

I almost laughed.

"Would you believe that we met at a bar?"

* * *

**Flashback**

"Leticia Rodriguez."

The voice in my ear nearly made me fall from the stool. I turned to my side and glared.

"That's your name isn't it, Leticia Rodriguez? Letty?" he smiled, sliding in beside me

And like clockwork, he held out his hand and a beer slid down from the counter. F-U-fucking Cheers, I'm telling you!

"Can't you fucking Metro cops take a hint?" I seethed

"No" he replied "Besides, you know my name"

"I didn't ask for your name, you just told me."

"And when you didn't give me yours, I just found it out" he smiled "Perks of the job"

"You know when a girl ditches you at four in the morning without leaving her name and phone number, it usually means it's a one night stand."

"Oooohhh, was it that bad? I couldn't have been that bad." he joked "Because if I were, you wouldn't be in this bar a week later looking for me."

"What makes you think I'm here for you?"

"Because I happen to know that racers hang out at the other side of town, where there's considerably more noise pollution."

I slapped some money on the counter and got up leave. I'd already caused enough shit by coming back here, and any idiot would know that seeing him again was be a bad idea.

But I _was_ a young idiot back then. Picking a fight with Dom so that I could run off, hoping to see some stranger.

His hand on my wrist pulled me back to the present and to reality, and when I looked up I could see in his eyes that he was serious.

"I meant it when I said that I wouldn't turn you in. But if you came all the way here in a hot car, there should be some reason."

"Maybe I wanted a different atmosphere"

"And here I am, Letty" he answered "Here I am."

I sank back down on the stool. Stupid, fucking idiot. The girl who thought she pull one on Dom, who thought she could get to him using his own frigging medicine.

"We don't need to do anything. I just...I came here to talk." he said "I don't usually hang out here, only when I'm trying to get away from work and the crowd at O'Malley's. But I drove by every night hoping you'd come back, because I know that after what happened there was no way you wouldn't be here."

"You fucking flatter yourself too much, you know that Street?"

He grinned "It's just part of my charm."

* * *

So that was the start.

That one night, one week after I cheated on Dom and somehow managed to turn my already complicated life upside down.

Maybe I should have asked for pointers before I decided to have my so called revenge. Maybe then, the guys would have told me to leave as soon as we were doneand not stayed when he kissed my head and pulled me to his chest.

To tell him to shut the fuck up when he started talking about his life, and everything that made him happy and miserable. If I'd had some sort of warning, maybe I wouldn't have listened.

And maybe I wouldn't have said anything back. Told him all about myself, what made my life misrable...what made me happy.

Maybe none of this would have ever happened, and I wouldn't be in this mess.

But if that happened, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be here with Dom.


	5. Talking

  
  
I was a little over seventeen when I started going out with Dom.

He'd just turned 22 and had recently gotten out of Lompoc.

Sometimes I think that his screwing around was a way to make up for those two years, and that he'd hooked up with me because I was the first girl who'd ever told him I loved him. It certainly didn't take long for him to get bored.

The last time Dom and I talked was the last time he took me to a real date.

Not to a shitty party with half the people from the races, not to "dinner" that just happened to include the team, and not to a stupid rented movie at home where it was just the two of us.

It was a few months before my twentieth birthday. He took me to this restaurant, some Moroccan place where we had to sit on the floor with pillows. We had a killer time. Nearly got one of everything in the menu, just to see what it tasted like.

Later on we drove to the beach, parked and just...talked.

He asked me things that I wanted to do, I asked him about what he wanted in the future. Things he wanted to achieve. Of course, we also talked about cars, and Mia, and the team.

It was just...us. Being together. And it felt great, connecting with him like that. Because Dom...I don't know. Dom has always been the center of my universe, ever since I was little. And when he finally noticed me, when he finally looked at me like that, like I was the center of _his _universe, it was just the greatest thing. It's like love on NOS and never slowing down.

But it does slow down.

The following day, I found him in some bitches car, her legs wrapped on his shoulders and having a fun time courtesy of my boyfriend.

I knew he was cheating on me, but I'd never caught him. At least, I never let him know that I did. Something in me snapped that night. I think I broke the bitches nose, though I did more damage to her pride.

After that, the dates slowed down and just...stopped. The talking stopped because we were afraid that some other things might be brought up besides hopes and dreams, and neither of us felt the need to be that fucking honest.

It wasn't until much later, after Jim, that we found that need to connect again.

But until then, it was with Jim that I did most of the talking. And it was Jim who took the time to listen.

* * *

**Present Time**

When we went out, I found the two boys manning the grill, with Brian, Dom, and Jim nowhere to be found.

I had this image of Dom having killed Jim and Brian helping him hide the body, when the boys took one look at my face and decided to reassure me.

"Dom went out for some chips and more beer. Brian's showing Jim his car. Says Jim's been wanting to take a look at his ride for a long time."

I nodded at Leon and headed out for the garage.

It took me fifteen minutes on foot, but who the hell cares. Whatever it was that they were talking about, it had to be pretty important for them to leave. And since Jim doesn't really care all that much about cars, I knew that they wouldn't be talking about the Supra, and they sure as hell wouldn't talk about it in front of me.

True enough, the doors and most of the lights of the garage were closed when I got there. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark before I noticed that the light to the stores back office was open.

If you know where to stand and how to sneak in, it's easy to stay there undetected. And since Brian didn't make a show of keeping his opinion all to his mighty self, I heard everything that I needed to know.

Brian was glaring at Jim, looking all for the world like he was going to bust his guts, while Jim stood there, looking every bit defensive.

"This is my family now. Mia, Dom, Letty..." Brian was telling him "But you're also my friend, and I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Look man, I'm not here to cause any trouble."

"Yeah, you're just here for Letty" he smacked back "Leave her Jim, even if you get through Letty, you'll never get past Dom"

"Fuck, what is it with Dom, and why is everyone so fucking afraid of him! Time and again I've watched Letty be miserable because of everything he's done to her."

"And notice that she never leaves" Brian finished "And she never will."

If Jim was hurt by that statement, he never showed it.

"I didn't come here to steal Letty, I came here to talk."

"Talk about what? I thought everything you needed to say was done in that three day drive to Baja"

"And after everything we'd been through, do you really think it would just take us three days to sort it out?"

There was this long pause, and for a minute the two of them just stood there, staring each other down.

But Brian decided to blink first "What do you want Jim?"

"I'd like some closure. I'm sure you of all people know what that is?"

Brian narrowed his eyes "What about Letty? Didn't you ever consider what this could do to her? She's still adjusting to her _life_, don't you think you could have brought on all this bullshit about closure a little later?"

"No" he argued "It has to be _now._"

"You know she's vulnerable. What if she decides to go with you?"

Another pause and this time its Jim who caves "You said it yourself, she'll never leave Dom."

"But in case she does?"

I couldn't see his face, and would've moved in closer if I didn't hear that scruffing behind me. But even still, Jim's voice rang clear in the darkened space.

"If she does...she knows how I feel. We'll just cross that bridge when we get there."

* * *

**Flashback**

The first thing I hear is a loud groan and a rustle of sheets.

"Ugh, we have to do something about these mornings."

I just grinned as I reach down to double lace my boots. "Good morning"

A few seconds of stretching, then a warm hand on my back, caressing.

"Good morning" he greets me in this sleepy, rough hewn voice "And I mean it. My new partner is not liking this grumpy ass person that he has to work with."

"Whine, whine, whine" I mutter, pulling my shirt over my head "At least now you're early."

Another groan. "Way too early. Four am."

"You can go back to sleep, you know. I was trying not to wake you."

He rolled over and smiled. "And miss waking up to this? Not a chance."

I feel like reaching over and hugging him, but I smack him on the shoulder instead.

I've never been very good with "sweet". Mia is sweet. Leon, when you get down to it, is sweet. Even Vince, after he's showered, can be sweet.

Dom and I...we're thoughtful, but never sweet. _Fuck sweet_. When one of us does something nice, and it comes out as mushy, we say thank you and leave.

I don't know why. Maybe because I could never find the words? Because it's embarrassing? I don't know. Something about romantic shit makes me nervous.

But Jim does it so well...it's gotta be unnerving. I mean, it's just the way he is.

I'm still trying to find a way to deal with it. It's just...it's something new. Usually I just ignore it, though most times I hit him. A smack in the arm.

And he'll just smile when I do it, because he knows that's my way of saying thanks.

"Anyway" he says, getting up "I've got Thursday and Friday off next week, so if you can--"

"I can't" I finished "Race Wars starts that weekend. We leave for the desert Thursday night."

He's disappointed, but that's just how it is.

"I'll try and call you. Things can get pretty crazy, so it shouldn't be too hard to get away." I told him "Though for the sake of your social life, don't just sit here by the phone waiting for my call"

I get a pillow on the head for that. He misses. Jim's not too good in the morning, though his attitude is better than mine.

The moment I get home I know I'll just crash and sleep and everyone at home will just think that I've been to some other shitty-ass party.

End: the other life of Ma. Leticia Rodriguez.

That's how we do it. Have "other lives". And by not discussing our "other lives", we keep things from getting too complicated.

Like, Jim for me is this off-duty cop I met at the bar. He hates mornings, takes his coffee black. French Roast. Very picky with that. Kind of cocky but otherwise acceptable. Likes action movies, but what guy doesn't?

And Letty for him is this girl he met at the bar who likes Cororna's.

She works at a garage. She's funny. She doesn't drink coffee, and once in a while, she will admit to liking a chick-flick. Romantic comedies, but he'll have to fucking die before anybody else finds out.

And the life of Jim and Letty revolve around late night meetings on Jim's day's off, or when Letty can get away from the garage. They spend it doing other things, most of which are things that "Letty" will never do in her "other life", like movie dates or go to the San Diego Zoo. Which is fine with "Jim", because Jim's "other life" is usually just working out, going out drinking with the guys, and being a cop.

It's not easy, but keeping things separate works.

We know other things. He's heard of Dom, of my life at home. He knows I race. He doesn't like it, he's against it, but since it's not his Letty that does it, it's fine.

I know his partners name, his beat. Who his parents are. What makes him sad. I know he's applying for SWAT. I know I know his precinct has cuffed a few racers, but I don't care because that's not the Jim in my time.

And we never talk about it. Our other lives. It's nuts, it's schizophrenic, but it does an important thing: it keeps us from getting caught.

* * *

**Present Time**

"Letty?" someone whispers

The hand on my shoulder keeps me from jumping, and I swallow down my scream.

Dom.

F-U-fucking shit, it's just Dom.

I turn around to glare at him for nearly giving me a heart attack, but he ignores it and just clamps down on my arm, motioning for me to follow him out.

I don't really want to. And from the looks of things, Jim and Brian haven't noticed us standing there. They've stopped yelling, but it's clear that things are far from resolved.

I want to hear more of it, but Dom keeps tugging on my arm.

"We have to go" he whispers "They'll have to leave soon, and we don't want them to see us."

Finally, I just nod.

We walk back to Mazda, which is parked a few meters down from the garage.

Dom doesn't say anything, and neither do I when I get in. He starts the car, but after a few blocks I notice that we aren't heading home.

The silence stretches out, and I wait for him to say something. He's got the wheel, he's driving.

But after ten minutes we're still nowhere near home, and he still hasn't said anything.

He's thinking though, real hard. I don't even think he sees where he's going, he's just driving, doing things by rote. Most of the streets are deserted, but at this rate he's an accident waiting to happen.

He must have realized this because after another block he pulls over next to a vacant lot.

We're at the middle of town, the wasteland. That small strip where the ghetto turns into nothing and off to the middle class suburbs that line the backs of Hollywood.

We're pretty far from home.

And sitting there, just the two of us, with the engines off and just the heat turned on, sirens in the background, we can feel the quarter mile that often sets us apart.

"Mia told me to come look for you"

Ah, at last. A start.

I just nod. "Okay."

"She said you were worried about Jim, and that you followed them out to the garage."

"Just wanted to see what they were talking about."

He gave a chuff "I guess it wasn't about the Supra"

"Nah, Jim's not into cars. Guy can barely remember when to give his car a tune up."

I think this surprises him. "What kind of car he drive?"

"Mustang, 70's, convert. Ugly Turquoise color. It was his dad's."

The last statement makes him wince. More silence again, though this time I spoke first.

"Speak Dom, say something. Otherwise let's just go home. I'm hungry and I'm sure Mia's ready with the grub."

"Letty, I..." his voice wavers, and he takes a minute to recover.

I wait for him, watch this Dom, the new Dom, who went through a year of hell after Jessie's death. Who's grown up. Who now knows more than he ever needed to know about me.

I needed to hear this Dom's thoughts.

"Let..." he starts again "I'm angry. I'm fucking angry. Though after everything I've done, I know I don't have the right to be."

"No, you do." I answered "I cheated on you Dom, you have every right to wanna kill me."

I think it scares him that I can be so calm. But the thing is, I've been living with this for the past three years. A long time.

And even though I would've done anything to prevent him from knowing, I can't help but feel liberated now that it's out.

"You've screwed around, doesn't make what I did right, though." I sigh "But I didn't do it just to get you back."

"I know" he answers, looking at me with those pained dark eyes "And that's what scares me."

* * *

_**Author's Notes**: I'd just like to say thanks to the three people who've kept on reviewing me, and the six others who have me on alert. I didn't think anyone would ever read a crossover, but you guys took a risk! Thanks! And to maile, I usually update every 7-9 days. I used to do it by reviews (i.e. my other fic) just to get reader direction, but with a story such as this one, where the story is done and I just have to write it down, it's more 2-3. Though we're still far from the end. _


	6. Recollections

When I was nine I hit Dom in the chin because he said I punched like a girl.

I did.

He and Vince had just started high school and suddenly I went from the little sister to this ghetto rat that they couldn't be bothered with. Five years was a far enough gap, put that in high school terms and it's more like thirty.

So when he literally told me to "fuck off" one time he was messing in his dad's garage, I hit him. Hard.

When that didn't work and he laughed at me, I ran home, got a bunch of throw pillows, and started hitting that. Wrecked five of them before I moved on to the spare pillows.

I discovered that when I thought about Dom's snickering, my blows seemed to come faster.

That when I thought about my dad, coming home then getting drunk, they seemed to get harder.

That when I thought about my mom, how she calmly walked out that door with not even a duffel bag saying that she was going to fucking abandon us, a pillow just wasn't enough.

So I ended up punching a wall.

My dad came home to see my busted knuckles, took down the first aid kit and smiled worriedly as he patched me up.

Later on, with my hands stuck in a bunch of ice cubes and him plunking the rest of it in his glass, he asked me why I felt the need to hit that hard.

I told him that I was pissed off at someone, and hitting the pillow made me feel better.

And in his fucked up way of showing fatherly affection, he got me a punching bag. Told me how to fucking box, too.

Two weeks later I went up to Dom and at the first sign of teasing split his upper lip.

Tony told me he was very disappointed (though I could tell that he was slightly proud), then turned and told Dom that he probably deserved the licking.

Dom apologized and promised to quit teasing me. Then, giving me a gentle shove, he asked me where I suddenly learned how to punch, and I just gave this small shrug.

He told me I hit pretty good, that I was better than some of the wussies in his school. And through that pack of ice and a swollen lip, he smiled.

And fuck it, if I didn't spend the next ten years trying to earn that smile.

No matter what I had to do, or what the fucking consequence was, Dom's smile made things okay. And that childhood case of hero worship just screwed things up as I grew up seeking more of his approval.

Dom this, Dom fucking that, and shitty as that might seem, I didn't really care because that was the way it was for everyone else.

Leon, Mia, Vince, Jesse, even Brian fucking Spilner—a.k.a. O'Connor, everyone wanted to please him. Even Dom, in this demented way, wanted to please this guy that everybody looked up to but somehow only existed in our heads.

That Dom died the moment he started hitting Linder with that wrench, yet he's spent every minute since he got out of jail pretending that he's still alive.

And we would have figured all of that out if only we weren't so into this dynamic that we were afraid to disturb and somehow just ignored.

Because when you're 20 years old, and in a relationship that that's been going on for nearly all your life, it's really hard to distinguish where their shit ends and your life fucking begins.

And it may have been an admirable cycle if one of us or-maybe even the both of us-hadn't been so broken.

**Flashback **

Orange County in far out California. Antique Malls. Outdoor cafes. Genteel old couples. One of whom has been thanking me for the past ten minutes for helping them start their car.

"Thanks again for helping us" this wrinkly old man was smiling at us

"No problem, I do this stuff everyday" I told him "Just bring to a garage for a closer look sometime this month, problems like these usually lead to bigger ones, especially in old cars"

He laughed and ran a hand through the dash of his eleven year old Toyota Avalon "Will do!"

His wife, who looks like an older version of Gidget, pokes her head out of the car "Are you sure we can't repay you for your trouble? We've ruined your dress."

I could hear a snort behind me as I somehow try and widen my smile "It's no trouble"

"Okay" she smiled, then looked at Jim "You take care of your young lady, you understand?"

I bit my lip and just wave. Wave. And hope they get out of this parking lot fast enough.

As soon as they're out, Jim completely loses it.

"Oh, fuck off" I grumble "She's an old lady, she's nice to everybody"

"Whatever you say, _young lady_"

That earned him a shove.

"Ow! Hey watch it, you might ruin your dress" he laughs, practically crying now

I could land him one that has him falling on his ass, but Jim can take a hit harder than most guys. Probably because he's a street cop.

I dismiss that thought and concentrate on wiping that shit eating grin on his face without using my knuckles.

"Relax, Let" he smiles, calming down "She's what? Seventy years old? Anything with a skirt for her is a fucking dress."

I flip him the bird as I flop into his car, looking for some Wet Wipes to take the grease off my hands.

There's sand on the floor mats, from when we went to the beach earlier.

We put in a couple of miles earlier when we woke up. Retribution for all those 4am wakeup calls I'd done, because running in the sand for close to an hour sure ain't Baywatch.

The guy was fast, and he wasn't sorry to leave me the couple of times I slowed down to catch my breath.

"Those are gonna be a bitch to get out"

"What is?" he asks me, starting the car

"Sand, it's all over the place" I muttered, looking at the amount of grit in the interior "Jesus, when was the last time you ran the vacuum here?"

"I dunno, a couple of weeks ago? A month?" he answers, handing me a drink and a pretzel before heading out

I can't decide whether to be shocked, annoyed, or let the thing slide.

Vince, who is undoubtedly the biggest slob on earth, has car mats clean enough to eat chips out of. But that doesn't really matter, since none of us really like to bring food in our cars.

While with Jim...the food doesn't seem to leave.

"Isn't this from a month ago?" I mutter, holding up an ice cream wrapper

"Ermm, no that was the other days" he says, taking it and...shoving it underneath his seat "And don't start, I don't rag on your baby so don't diss mine"

"Yeah, but mine's _clean_"

And I would probably end up cleaning this.

I can't stand a messy car. I fucking don't like Jim's car, but since I have to be in it a lot of times, I try and do what I can with it. Like toss half the shit that's in the backseat once we get back home.

And I am fucking getting rid of all this sand.

"So, how long did you say you were going to be out for?"

"A week...I told them I'd be out for a week."

He's got the long weekend off, and since we haven't been together like this for quite a while, I thought I'd just screw it and head off with him.

"What'd you do this time?" he smirked

"Nothing" I answered "I told Dom I needed some...alone time"

"Alone time?" he sniggered "And he bought it?"

"Yeah. Asked me if this was some PMS shit, or if I'd been sneaking in some Oprah with Mia."

I wasn't lying too, that really was all it took.

Okay, so maybe I'm not going to tell on that weird look that Dom had in his eyes, or how Leon and Vince kind of laughed and said I was getting all funky and shit. Jesse...Jesse knew something was up though. He doesn't know what it is, but he knows something. Kid can be pretty perceptive if he's not spaced out.

But the important thing is that Dom let me out okay. I kind of needed a vacation anyway. He had me do an overhaul on three cars for straight weeks. I was shit tired and needed to be out.

So here I am.

Usually, I only get to be here when Dom and I have a fight. Or when I've caught him with some hoe, which turns into a fight anyway.

We've been doing a lot of that recently. Fight. Sometimes I pick a fight just so I can get away with Jim. But lately, Dom's been pushing my buttons all too much.

It doesn't make me feel good that I have to fight with my boyfriend just so I can have the opportunity to cheat on him, and I know it doesn't sit well with Jim either.

But lately getting away has been pretty easy, since things haven't been so great with Dom.

Of course, I've been fucking another guy behind his back, so no Letty, things aren't so hot with Dom.

But Dom's been complacent. He doesn't usually let me get away with things. Not that easy.

Something's wrong...

"Hey, wake up!"

I snap to and find ourselves close to the house. We had a lot of traffic coming back to the city which should piss me off but makes me happy.

The guys hate traffic. They're all hiding in the garage right now, so no worries about me being found out and shit.

"You're really tired, aren't you?" he laughs

"Dude, a five mile run every freaking morning isn't on my daily agenda. I appreciate the lost pounds, but damn dawg, when I tell you to stop can't you at least pretend to wait up?"

He laughs and I laugh, but there's something there. I dunno. Tension.

"What do you feel like havin' for dinner?" he asks

"Chinese take-out" I answer immediately

"Damn, young lady, you are tired aren't you!" he laughs

Then we kinda stop.

I know it didn't escape him, what the lady said.

_Your young lady._ Wasn't the first time someone made the mistake, and it's happened so much lately that we're in danger of fucking believing it ourselves.

"I got my first notice today" he says "I'm taking the first batch of SWAT quals next week."

"Oh" I answer, not really knowing what to say

He's been wanting to apply for a long time. SWAT. Best of the best of the LAPD and all that shit.

"Yeah, that's why they let me have the long weekend off. I have to be at the training facility starting Monday."

"How long will you be gone?"

"About three days. Depends on how I do. I don't know what kinda schedule they're having, but I'll try and call you if I can."

"You don't have to--"

"But I will" he smiles, turning into the alley near his apartment, right next to my car, which is hidden under a sheet "I want to. Just don't sit by the phone waiting for my call."

I let out a little grin for having my words thrown back at me.

"If all goes well, things are going to get busy for the next few weeks. And I..." he paused "I don't want you to worry if you don't hear much from me during that time."

He turns off the ignition and we just kind of sit there, thinking.

How the hell did we get here so fast?

But it's been a year. Fuck, it's been more than a year. And even though we've tried to just run around in circles, somehow we still managed to get ahead.

"I don't want things to change" he said "I know they will, but..."

I sigh. "Why don't we see how things go. Don't need to borrow trouble if we don't have to yet."

"Yeah" he pauses, then turns to me "In the meantime, we have this week..."

"Yeah, we have this week..."

**Present Time**

Dom's gripping the steering wheel so hard that I feel like getting out of the care and just hoofing it.

He's never had a good temper. When we were kids, he was always getting into fights. It stopped in high school, but he got into racing then. Put whatever that was in him that needed to get out in a quarter mile, even before he was old enough to drive.

Then in Lompoc they put him in these Anger Management classes. He came out looking like a guard dog on a very short leash. He still had that rage in him, but he was more contained. Not controlled, but contained.

And now, after the heist, after Jesse...Dom's more...sedate. It's like he's all raged out. That whatever it was that he was trying to kill had already gone. And even though he was still passionate, everything always stays in a simmer.

I came home and found that Dom had grown up, but I really didn't know how to react, because in those six short months I'd done a lot of growing up too.

But one thing will always stay the same.

When Dom turns introspective, it's never a good thing. You have to prepare for demons to come out.

"Do you know that we've only been apart a total of three times in our lives?"

My eyebrows reach my forehead. I hadn't expected that.

"When you were born, dad took me to the hospital to see you. Mama was home with Mia, so we were there in her place" he smiled "The nurses...they put you in mah arms. Soon as I got you, you waved your fist and hit me then grabbed me in the nose."

I didn't smile. I was more confused than amused at where he was heading.

"The doc said that newborns weren't supposed to do that, said that you liked me. I was the third person to ever hold you, after your mom and dad, and that really...it was the start of things Letty."

"Since I was five, we've never been separated for more than three days other than those three times. Know when they were?"

I could guess two, but not three...

"The two years at Lompoc...those six months in Mexico..." he said, counting his fingers out "And the nine days you disappeared on me three years ago."

Shit.

I looked out. I didn't think he'd remember that. I'd gone two days over my one week request for vacation. I thought they'd throw a fit for dissing two days of work, but when I came back, they all acted like nothing had happened. Except for maybe Mia.

Mother hen was worried shit when one of her chicks had gone astray and didn't call when she was supposed to back in the nest helping in the store but broke her fucking one week curfew instead.

"I was supposed to come looking for you, but Mia told me to leave you alone. Reamed me out too" he bit his lip "That wasn't a good year for us."

"No it wasn't" I muttered "And from what I remember, you didn't seem to care."

"Oh, I did" he answered "Thought long and hard on why you were gone. I know things weren't going great, but I didn't think you'd ever leave just like that. Never even occurred to me."

"Is that why you screwed around?" I bit back "Because Little Letty's so in love with Dom she'll look past the cheating? That she'd always forgive him? So fucking stupid, that she'd let her boyfriend whore around with the racer sluts right in front of her fucking face!"

"Fuck you Letty" he yelled "You're one to talk, you were banging a cop regularly behind my back for a year!"

Angry Dom has now come out to play.

Him I know. Him I can deal with. He was familiar.

"So I guess this makes us even!"

"Bullshit!" he boomed "It's not fucking even when those skanks that I screwed meant nothing to me while you fucking loved him!"

Things happened so fast, neither of us had the time to stop it.

I just heard the crack, and next thing you know Dom is clutching his eye and I feel like I sprained my wrist.

Fucking shit with the big, hard head.

The two of us were panting with anger. I rarely get violent with Dom, and he doesn't with me. We know first hand how things can get when you mix violence and anger.

"Jesus Dom, I'm sorry"

He groaned. "I deserved it."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have given it to you."

I turned around and got a beer from the pack he bought from the store.

Moments later a pint of Guinness gets schlepped on his face.

Irony. Who fucking knew.

"You were with him, weren't you" he asked quietly behind the cold can

"He what?"

"That one week, when you said you were with your friend in San Francisco. You were with him."

"Yeah, I was."

He put the beer down. There's a big welt on his face that's going to turn a mighty shade of purple the next few days. The guys won't ask, but I'm sure Jim and Brian will raise their eyebrows.

"But I came back Dom, every damn time."

"But that doesn't mean you can never leave."

The tension in the car is interrupted when the phone rings. He reaches in and opens it, wincing a bit when forgets and puts it on his bad cheek.

"Hey Mia."

There's frantic questions coming from the other line, and I can hear Mia starting to raise a hissy fit.

"No, Mia. She's here. I've got her. Are they? Okay. Nah, we just went for a drive. We'll be there in ten minutes. Tell Jim that he doesn't have to put up with the Corona's since I got him some Guinness."

There's a pause as Mia asks a question.

"No, things are okay." Dom answers, then looks at me "We're both okay"

God, I hope so.

Authors Notes: Holy cow, thanks for the reviews. And for the people who asked—and you know who you are-the answers been there since the beginning. But then...nothing's sure until I end it, right?


	7. Forshadowing

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts to be with them?

My mother did. She left when I was seven. Looked me in the eye and told me she loved me one afternoon then she left. Never came back.

I think, I hated her for the longest time for walking out on us when I least expected it. I mean, we were happy. We were a family. We had money, not a lot but unlike a most of our relatives, we weren't hungry. We had everything we needed.

Except maybe the fact that my father was a drunk and for a long time I hated that too.

My dad was a private in Vietnam. Worked in the field maintaining choppers. He was nineteen years old when he left, came back three years later a much different man. At least, that's what my mother and my aunts told me.

They grew up together in Texas, and when she turned sixteen my dad asked her to marry him. He got drafted months after she said yes.

They got married as soon as he came back then moved to LA when my dad was offered a supervisor position in a factory. Two years later, they had me.

I didn't understand anything of what my mother told me, except that my dad locked himself in his study after he came home from work because he had "issues".

And we weren't supposed to ask questions on why he tried to drink himself to death after dinner, or why he never talked to us, because he was a "good provider".

Thirteen years. Growing up, I blamed my mother for throwing all those years away. And I blamed my father for letting her.

I guess I will never really understand the reasons why she left, I'm sure she had a lot. And shit, it's still hard not to ask why she fucking left me.

But looking at it now, from an older perspective, I at least believe her when I remember her face saying that she loves me. That there's some sort of credibility to that love.

It doesn't excuse what she did, fucking abandoning her child, but at least now I'm more understanding of what could have been her position.

It's hard to be with someone who still wakes up at night screaming about things you will never know.

It's hard to be strong when you know that no matter how hard you try, there are some things that you will never be able to fix, no matter how badly you want to do it for them.

It's hard to be that, and sometimes people break...and they leave.

But that doesn't mean they've stopped loving you.

* * *

**Present Time**

The tension mounted as soon as we stepped out the backyard and things just escalated from there.

Vince freaked as soon as he saw Dom's face but wisely shut up when the others didn't bother to ask questions.

At the table, Jim was offered the first piece of chicken and ended up saying grace. Catholic boy that he is, he made the sign of the cross and said the prayer before meals without much coercion.

Mia was impressed, I could tell.

Jim and Brian made a show of talking about the Supra, Vince and Leon made a couple of jokes, Mia tried to swat them, but Dom and I kept silent.

Conversation died when Dom handed Jim a Guinness, replacing his Corona.

"For our guest" he tried winking at Mia, but things just stopped right there.

Five fucking minutes into dinner.

Shit, it's going to be a long-ass night.

* * *

**Flashback**

"Letty, can I ask you about something?"

I looked up from the magazine I'm reading and see Jesse coming in.

The kid is drinking a Pepsi and lighting up a smoke, fidgeting as he sits on the counter and stares at me with those doe eyes.

"Sure kid, talk"

I'm covering for Mia at the store, but at this time of the day it's usually deserted. Not much happening between one 'til four pm, and the guys are all busy messing around in the garage.

Save for Jesse, who's probably taking break from being in front of the PC all day.

"Uh, yesterday when you were, um, taking a bath, your cellphone rang and I kind of answered it."

"So?"

"Well, some guy was on the other line and...well, he was asking for you."

I don't know why, but my throat suddenly felt dry.

But shit, ton's of other guys have my number, right? What are the fucking chances that this could be Jim?

"Okay..." I prompted, trying to be the tough and unassuming chick "Do you know who it was or what the fuck he wanted?"

"I don't know Let, he hung up when I told him you were in the shower."

He was fidgeting and biting his nails, wanting to say something, looking like he was about to fall apart when I was just about to implode myself.

"Why didn't you tell me that I got a fucking call?"

"I don't know, Let" he answers nervously "It's just...I feel like there's something fucking wrong"

I swallowed "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, Letty. It's just that, you're always out and shit. And when you are, you can't be fucking reached. Like when you went to Frisco..."

"I just needed to be alone, Jess"

"Why? You never did before!" he asked incredulously "And all these PMS crap that you've been into for a whole fucking year, shit you won't even let me look over your emails anymore..."

"Because they're fucking private Jesse!"

"I know, it's just..." he hung his head low, picking on the hem of his shirt "Are you and Dom in trouble?"

"What?!" I balked

"Coz you're always fighting and shit, especially when those skanks--"

"I know about those skanks" I cut him off and slamming my hand on the counter "I get to see what they fuckass do every single race, so I don't need to hear it"

Jesse looks like a scolded pup and I'm fucking irritated with myself for losing my temper.

Jesse...Jesse's incredibly sensitive. I think it's partly the ADD and the fact that he had a seriously fucked up childhood. His mom OD'd in front of him when he was fucking six and his dad got locked up for holding up a bunch of 7/11's, with twelve year old Jesse in the fucking backseat.

What happened in between the time he met Leon and Social Services is pretty much anyone's guess, but he was jumpier than a fucking rabbit when we first met him.

The kid tries to be tough, but with the way he's built and how he bumbles all the time, we can't help but be overprotective.

"I hate it when you two fight" he mumbled "You think we don't fucking care, but everything just turns to shit when you're gone Let"

That caught me offguard. "What?"

"We need you Let, and you know he fucking needs you" he explains "This past year has been hell for all of us, and you don't even notice."

"Hey!"

"Letty..."

He's looking at me with those eyes again. Those strange eyes that just damn, they see right through you.

And right then and there I almost want to tell him everything. But he loves Dom so much that I know he'll shatter when he finds out.

"We're six months behind with the mortgage, and with the store not doing as well as it should, we just need to cut on Mia's tuition."

My eyes widen at that. "What? But the garage--"

"They pay the bill's Let, but even with what we're making and Dom racing, he says it's not enough if they decide to foreclose."

"Shit, why didn't Dom tell me this?"

"He says he doesn't want to fucking bother you."

Ah. The story of us. Dom not wanting to bother me because he doesn't want to fucking talk to me.

"We need the money Let, and fast."

I sighed. "I'll see what I can do..."

"Do what, Let?" he asks "Get a loan? Get another fuckass job?"

"I'll come up with the money..."

"What, with your secret stash?" he smiled wanly, shoving another cigarette between his lips "Gonna dip into your inheritance money again, Let?"

I'm a bit shocked, but then again, I shouldn't be. This was Jesse we were talking about here, and if he can't find out about something, one of his friends can.

"You can find out anything you want over the internet, just need to know what the fuck to look for" he answers "I don't think Dom knows about it yet, he think you spent it all on the Silvia."

"I nearly fucking did" I told him

"Nah, your old man took good care of you" he answered sadly, probably remembering his dad "I could give you a really sweet upgrade and you'd still have some money left...doesn't matter though. Still wouldn't add up."

"Jesus, just how much money are we talking about here?"

"Besides the mortgage?" he asks "Dom's still paying for those fucking legal fees, Linder's medical, Dom's tab at Harry's...but the mortgage is the biggest thing. We're not gonna be homeless, but we could lose the garage."

And that was infinitely worse, wasn't it? Dom would rather be homeless than lose Tony's garage. But with five other people being thrown in the streets with him, that's really not an option is it?

"It's a lot of money, Let..." he sighs, rubbing at his eyes "But Leon and Dom have got a plan"

A plan. What kind of plan rakes in that kind of money in a year? Save for selling our cars, which isn't worth a lot, considering that Dom's got the only car that's souped up enough to make some major money.

"Just make sure you stay in for this week" he says

My eyes narrow "Of course I'll stay in, where the fuck would I be?"

"Around" he says "Somewhere. Doesn't take the internet to spot a purple Silvia Let, it's a pretty rare car."

_Holy shit..._

"Jesse--"

But he holds up his hand, his eyes begging me not to tell him much else.

"It could be Dom, it could be those emails, or those phone calls, your fuckass friend in Frisco who gave you those sneakers when you don't even fucking run...I'm not stupid Let, but I don't care...we just need you right now Let" he cries "Please, don't leave"

"Jesus, kiddo"

I reached over and gave him a hug.

That was Jesse to me, my little kid. I had to take care of him. Even if he didn't say it, I would never leave him, or the team. Never.

But somehow I wish that it was Dom who asked me to stay.

* * *

**Present Time**

"Sure you can't stay longer man?" Brian was asking Jim, as we started walking to the Escalade

"Yeah, I've got an early day tomorrow. I've got some stuff to do before I go to work, then me and my partner are gonna have to go through some training exercises again. My team's breaking in a new man."

Brian just nodded. "Yeah, I read about that in the papers. I couldn't tell you, but sorry about that man."

Jim just shrugged. "Just another day, you know how it is."

Neither of them says anything, and I feel like the ground should swallow me whole. It's times like these when I feel left out, when the two of them talk about what it's like to be a cop.

For my part, I've never tried to keep up on what was happening with Jim.

Pretty easy, since I'm not a fan of the daily news. I watch the world news on BBC and CNN some mornings. I read Time at the store, sometimes even Newsweek.

I just don't fucking read the newspapers. I don't watch the evening news either. And I don't pay attention to the SWAT beat, even when something like Alex Montel started dominating the news.

I turn and see that there just the three of us.

Mia has long since dragged Vince and Leon by the ear, which she discovered in Mexico was an effective way to get them to help with the dishes.

Dom...well, Dom is somewhere.

I feel slightly guilty that I didn't even notice that he snuck off, but my mind is somewhere else as I try and drag my feet as we head off to the Escalade.

We reach the side of the SUV and we all just kind of...stood there.

It doesn't take too long for Brian to notice that he's being the third wheel and says goodnight to us both.

We watch as he shuffles back towards the house, hurrying and delaying at the same time, nearly tripping in the process.

He takes one last look at us before he finally opens the door and gets in, leaving the two of us to discuss things in the darkness.

Yet again.

It's a bit awkward, but one of us has to start. If it were up to me, we'd be standing here for the rest of the night just looking at each other, fucking coward that I am.

Fortunately, Jim has enough courage for us both.

He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his short spiky hair, which is something he does when he's nervous.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this again--"

"Nah, had to happen sometime, right? Better now than later, when things are more complicated."

He smiles, and it doesn't too much of an effort for me to smile back.

"I really need to talk to you."

"Okay."

We just stood there, looking at each other.

It felt so...different, yet so familiar at the same time.

Last time we were like this I had the team waiting for me in Mexico, and he had Gamble and his career to deal with. Basically our whole lives placed on hold.

Now we were free of those distractions.

I had my family with me, safe and unharmed, and he was obviously back in the division.

It was nice to see each other whole.

"How ya livin', Jim?" I asked, breaking out into a full grin

He laughed. "Never been better, Letty girl."

"That's nice to hear."

"Yeah" he said, then reached out to cup my cheek "I missed you though."

I hesitated for a bit before I leaned in "Well, I missed you too"

As if on cue, we look up towards the house and see a shadow in one of the rooms. I don't have to try very hard in order to know that it's Dom.

"He makes a poor job of being invisible" Jim smirked

"No...heck, I don't think Dom can be invisible even if he tried. I mean, you've meet him right?"

"Yup, finally" he said "And you were right about him."

The shadow just stands there, watching us, not moving. I can feel Dom's gaze as he sees me, nearly in the arms of another man.

I want to say that this is revenge for all those times that he had those bitches crawl all over him, but he doesn't deserve that. Not anymore.

We both move away at the same time, eager to resume talking.

"God Let, there are so many things I want to tell you, but now hardly seems like the right time to do it."

"It's been a big night" I inform him "Be glad that the boys didn't beat the crap out of you when they saw you"

"Me? You were the one who fucking laid it on Dom!" he joked "But seriously Let, I need to talk to you."

"And I need to talk to you. Maybe tomorrow, if you're not doing anything..."

"Nah, got something planned for the rest of the day. Am free Friday though"

"Then Friday it is" I answer, shoving my hands into my pocket "Same place, same time"

"I'll pick you up in the Mustang" he says "I swear it's clean"

We look at each other again, stalling.

I really do miss Jim, he was my friend. We went through a lot together. And at the same time, I really don't want to go in. I'm sure the guys have, by now, figured out just who Jim was, and are anxious to see me.

"I gotta get in there" I finally tell him

"Okay" he says, then leans in

I close my eyes when I feel his lips on my forehead.

For a moment it feels like old times. Like we were in one of our days in Orange County, or just finished running at the beach close to his place.

But all too soon he pulls away and we're back to now, where Dom is waiting for me up in our room.

"I'll see ya, Let" he says, then gets in, starts the car. Drives away. Raising his hand to wave.

I wait until the Escalade makes the first turn before I slowly walk back to the house.

I wonder what the guys are thinking?

Not really gonna know, since the house is dead quiet when I enter.

Mia must have locked the boys up. I would have loved to talk to Brian right about now, but I'm sure Mia's got him corralled too. Probably getting him to confess.

I'm gonna have to talk to her tomorrow. Explain everything. Gonna have to talk to the boys too.

In the meantime, I have someone more important to talk to.

* * *

**Authors Notes: **In case you're wondering, Letty's car is the one in Tempest Races "Tough but Tender". Big thanks to Tempest for lending me Letty's car, even though at this point, it's nowhere near the kickass car that Letty has in her fic...at least, not yet. 


	8. Confrontations

**Flashback**

It's funny how some things can look completely different during the day.

The house during the day looks different. Without the cars in front of it, or throngs of people, it looks pretty deserted...almost like the house I used to live in.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here and staring at it, but somehow I don't want to go in.

Don't know why.

Maybe I'm trying to get rid of that antiseptic smell that kinda sticks to you after you've been to a hospital. I hate that smell, too many memories. And now I have a new one.

I finally turn off the AC, but I still can't get out. Instead, I put my head on the steering wheel, and remember how Jim looked like sitting on that bed. Stoned, banged up, but happy as hell.

Can't blame him though, if I'd been pumped up with all the goods he got I'd be pretty shit-faced too.

Instead, here I am, analyzing what the fuck it is that I'm feeling after I get a call from Jim's partner telling me that he's been hurt.

Number three on the fucking speed dial, number two on the fucking next of kin list...we're gonna have to talk.

It was just a broken arm, but I went out anyway. Pretty easy to escape during a race night party, and with Dom and the guys otherwise "occupied", I didn't really need another shitty excuse.

Just maybe a reason on why I walked out of a hospital with a bag of medication while a battered Jim happily complaining about having his arm on a sling.

I wanted to shove my fist on his face. Last time I'd walked out of there, no one had much reason to be happy, drugged up or not. I shove him in the car instead.

Stayed until he sobered up enough the next morning, enough to hear him apologize for the inconvenience.

I left at around four, my usual time, but I spent the next five hours just going around the city. Drove until I came near empty. And even then I still can't figure this out.

When the call came in I thought he'd been shot. His first week out with the SWAT team and I thought the motherfucker had gotten himself killed.

His partner Brian said that he fell from a window. He couldn't tell me much, with the case still open and them still in training and all, but afterwards they said they'd gotten a kick out of seeing it.

Maybe it could have been amusing, but the last time I saw Jim was three weeks ago. And before that, it was two weeks. And before that, it was a month. All we'd had were occasional phone calls, but it still didn't reduce the feeling of dread I got when I received that call.

We knew things were going to change, we'd agreed to that, but the moment I heard those words...I bottomed out.

What would I have done if he died? What would I be? I was nobody. I haven't even met his friends. Yet there I was, Ms. Number Two on the list, rattled and bumbling like a grieving wife.

I wasn't going to do that. Not right now. Not when I have all this shit to deal with.

Cops got hurt in Metro, but they fucking die in SWAT.

I'm not...I'm not going to be one of those women who wait by the phone. It was bad enough in Metro. But now he's a month away from being SWAT and I already know what it's like to have one of those shits.

He's not just a cop on the side anymore, he's...Jim.

We had a fucking system, how the hell did we mess up?

I sighed and got out, my eyes catching on the glint of the silver Honda that I'd driven to the hospital.

She and I are getting to be pals now. I haven't really driven any other car besides my Silvia...but this one. She was mine too. And she knows all the crap that's going on in my life, _both of my lives._

I give her one last look, and walk towards the house.

Soon as I get in, I drop my stuff on the floor and head to the kitchen for the leftover breakfast.

The day's already started, and if I hurried, I wouldn't be losing much time if I made it to the garage in twenty minutes.

But soon as I sat down, I knew something was different.

I look around then hear the soft thump of footsteps coming down the stairs, no doubt heading towards the kitchen.

I stare at my bowl of cereal and somehow wish I could dive in and fucking hide in it.

Oh shit, Dom's home.

* * *

**Present**

I almost wished the door would be locked.

Instead I turn the handle and take a deep breath. I was going to have to go in. This is one of those things in life where you just...go in. Do it. Take a dive.

There's no escaping this...

He's still by the window when I come in.

I don't make a move to go to him, and neither does he. We're protected by fifteen feet of floor and that's really all we need right now.

Distance. Space.

"Closure huh?" he asked "That doesn't look much like closure to me."

"We were just talking" I answered lamely

He smirks. "Isn't that supposed to be my line? And from what I know, it doesn't usually work."

I don't know what to say. I can't deny what that scene must have looked like to him, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel anything.

There's a lot of history to sort out, between me and Jim, between me and Dom. I wouldn't have picked tonight to do it, but it seems like tonight was going to be it.

"What happened here today Let? Because I woke up this morning thinking it was just going to be another day, and I come home and suddenly everything's different."

I open my mouth and try to say something...but how do you start? How do you start to explain three years worth of history in one night?

"I...I don't know Dom."

"Then fucking try, dammit!" he yells, his hands gripping the windows "I know I haven't been the absolute saint here Letty, but you can at least fucking try!"

I'm hurt, mostly because I'm guilty. I'm also angry, angry enough to wanna cry. But I retaliate in the way I know best: aggression.

"Fuck you Dom, did you ever try? I didn't see you coming to me with anything every time you screwed around behind my back!" I yelled "Shit, it wasn't even behind my back, more like right in front of me. Fuck, more like right in front of everybody!"

"They were skanks Letty, they meant nothing to me!"

"But they meant something to me" I answered "Boys will be boys right? Leon, Vince, Hector, every-body fucking does it, so why shouldn't you?"

I grabbed the first thing that my hand came in contact with and just threw. Fortunately for him it's just a jacket, because my aim was dead on.

"If you wanted to fuck around, why didn't you just fucking tell me!" I screamed "You could've just cut me off and whored around all you fucking wanted. No _I'm sorry Letty. I'll never do it again, mami. _Fuck you!"

If the boys didn't know what was happening, they sure do now. My voice is starting to grow hoarse from all that shouting, and I'm just getting started.

"And fuck me for being so stupid, for hanging around and letting you walk all over me. I wouldn't let any of those skanks, or any of those bastard racers tread over me and yet you, who I fucking loved the most, you just ran me over." I screamed

"How can I be so stupid! How the fuck can I be so stupid! You disrespected me, you made me run off with another man! Made me love him, then leave him! Why the hell couldn't I just leave you! You fucking ruined my life, our lives...Jesse's..." I cried "You...fuck, he's...fuck..."

It's dark in the room, but I can see his eyes just bright with tears.

This was going to be the night. It's just me and him and all the ghosts in the room with us.

Jim, Jesse. Tony, Mia. The Team, Linder. My past, his past. All the things we should have talked about but were afraid to.

There's really no one to blame here but us, and if we wanted to get out of this, then we needed to do something, the both of us.

Whatever happened here tonight, it was either going to make or break us. We were going to have to choose whether to cut loses or go on...

And right now I don't really know what decision I should make...

* * *

**Flashback**

"Where the hell were you?"

I just squared my shoulders and dug into my cereals. "Out. Went for a drive."

"All night? Until nine in the morning?" he asked incredulously

It's a good thing I looked like shit, otherwise he wouldn't have believed me. I just turned around and gave him the eye.

Secret be damned, I'm not in the mood to be pissed off.

"You said you wanted me to get used to the fucking car, so I did. I went out for a drive. Around the city. Filled the fucking tank too. I got a receipt. That enough?"

He seemed to buy that. I'm fucking exhausted and I look and sound like it. I wasn't about to answer for my actions when there were plenty of reasons why I should ask him about his.

He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. Whatever it was, it looked like it was supposed to be something angry.

Nope, no Dom. Can't be angry with me today. Maybe not ever, not with what you're making me do.

He fumbles a bit, then sits down and sighs. "You look like hell, maybe you should stay in today."

"Good morning to you too, and I'm going to work"

"Let--"

"You're already here Dom, we can't afford to be short two people at the garage. 'sides, I need to finish working on the Silvia."

"Then I'll work on her" he answers quickly "I'm going in today anyway. I only stayed coz I...I needed to wait up for you."

I slurped up my breakfast and stood up "You don't _need _to do anything for me Dom. I'm tired, but I'm going to work."

He followed me up the stairs and to our bedroom. I wanted to lock him out but he was inside before I could even say _boo._

"Letty--"

"What?" I snapped, annoyed "You got more questions? Coz I really wanna get in the shower."

Pretty brave. Honestly, I wouldn't know what I'd do if he'd fucking asked me about _that._ But knowing Jesse and the way Dom's acting, I'm sure there's no way in hell that Dom knows anything is wrong.

Except maybe this plan of his.

"I'm worried about you, Let."

"Don't be." I mutter, buttoning down my top and heading towards the bathroom "I'll take a couple hours off tomorrow and sleep off. Clutch on that Civic needs work, can't drive with a faulty stick."

"I'll look into it" he murmurs, then puts a hand on my shoulder "Let...I...stop Let and just look at me."

I do. And what I see kind of scares me.

It's Dom, being desperate. It's kind of like how he was when his father died, only now he's more afraid than he is angry.

"I need to know if you're okay Let."

"I'm fine Dom, I just told you--"

"I need to know if you're okay with this."

I almost want to laugh.

Jacking a truck? Stealing? Was I okay with that?

"You know what I think, Dom."

He sighs and rubs face, frustrated.

"You asked me a question."

"I know, I know" he answers "I just want you in on this 100"

"Jesus Dom, I gave you the fucking money to buy those cars, I'm risking my life running through trucks, what more do you want!"

"I just...I need...I want you to know why I'm doing this."

"That's been discussed Dom."

"No, that's...that's not it" he answers

I lean back on the wall, the cold air making me shiver. Dom notices this and starts buttoning me up.

It's weird, but it kinda reminded me of the way he would button me up on my way to school December mornings. I went to Catholic school, and Tony—later on Dom—would drop me off and sometimes pick me up. I had a red pea coat as part of my winter uniform, and Dom used to button it up for me when I was a kid. It became sort of a tradition.

Later on, he said it was a shame that he wasn't around to "button me up" in high school. I told him that I had a stupid blazer and drove my own ride to school—license or no.

"You ever wonder what it would have been like?" he asks "You know, if my dad wouldn't have died, or yours?"

"If mine hadn't croaked I probably wouldn't have the Silvia"

It was harsh, I know, and Dom's grip tightened a bit in defense of my old man.

"You don't really mean that. Drunk as he was, he doesn't deserve those words. He loved you and you know it."

He was right, I did. And so help me, I loved him too. He was my father. I may never have felt it as much but I know he loved me and I ignored that. I was sorry for it.

And it didn't help that I had all that blood money in my hands...probably why I let it all go. Only now, it's to get more.

But not for me, but for my family. For Mia, and Leon, and Vince and Jesse.

"He wanted the best for you Let. He paid for your education, saw that you had everything you need, he even let you live with us when he thought he couldn't take care of you...he gave you up Let, so that you could be happy."

He paused a bit, thinking.

"And I...I want that Let. I want to be able to do that. For you, for Mia, for us. I want all the things that we should have had, if all this hadn't happened, all the things that you gave up."

"Dom..."

"Like, college. For you and maybe Jesse. All those schools you had to defer because you needed to take care of us. Then working here for close to nothing."

"But shit Dom, I don't wanna go to some punk ass college" I told him "I could've found a way if I wanted to, but I wanted to stay here Dom. With you."

And for the first time in a long time, I meant that.

There's no Jim, no stupid heists, no Mia or racing or the team. With Dom and me, when things are good, the whole world just shrinks to the two of us and we're connected. It's frig ass unbelievable. And I don't know how, or why things are like that, but I don't question it.

Some things are just...is.

"I wanna be able to give us a good future, Let."

"And what's wrong with now?" I ask him "We have all we need Dom, I'm not asking for more."

"But we deserve more. You deserve more."

Maybe it was the way that he said it, but I could see in his eyes all those things we talked about when we were just starting.

Once, before all this shit happened, we had pretty different lives.

Dom was supposed to be some hot circuit racer and Vince was supposed to work the pit. Mia was supposed to go to college full time to be a doctor and I...well, I probably would have been in some pansy ass school learning how to make cars instead of just fixing them.

But see, that was _before _all that shit happened.

I learned a long time ago to play with the cards you've been dealt, and not to think of all the might have beens or could have beens in our life.

You lose more time thinking of regrets.

"Is this how we're going to be for the rest of our lives?" he asked, more himself than me

"Running after the bank, trying to keep ourselves afloat month after month, not even seeing our own paychecks..." he says "This can't be it."

"I promised your dad that I'd do right by you, and I know things aren't so great right now, but I promise you I'll do it.."

I frown, remembering other nights, when he's said similar words.

"Letty...Letty, look at me baby, please..." he begs "This is it; I swear to God this is it. Thing will be better after this. The shit we've been going through the past months...everything I've done...it'll be over. It's done Letty, I swear."

I've never seen him so desperate before. Never.

"Please Letty, say you're with me on this, I need you with me on this. You're the one thing in my life that I could always count on, and I can't...I love you Letty...and I can't do this without you with me."

I bow my head and cave into his arms, burying myself in his chest and finding his heart.

He's never begged me before, I've never seen him desperate.

And he's never said those words...

* * *

To be fair, Dom never once cheated on me since the heists. Asshole kept his word.

He'd flirt around, playing things like normal. And I'd get pissed, and he'd get annoyed. But he never once fooled around. Ever.

Seven years and I watched the guy do anything in a mini-skirt. He's off a year and suddenly he's a fucking saint.

And then we have me, Letty, who went for a year with the same guy. It's been two years and I still feel like I'm the one who needs to be punished.

Why?

Quality over quantity, people.

He fucks a million women he doesn't care about. I only got one...but I loved him.


	9. Goodbyes

I asked Dom once how he figured out that I loved Jim when I wasn't even sure about it myself.

I don't know if I'd denied it for so long, or I simply didn't know it. But all it took for Dom was one day and his answer was full-proof:

"You looked at him the exact same way you look at me"

* * *

**Present**

"So you did love him" Dom asks, sinking to the floor

My bones feel heavy and I make my way to my side of the bed. Strange how confessions can leave you so weak.

"I didn't mean to" I explain "It started out as a joke, a way to pay you back just by flirting with him. But then we started talking..."

I looked down at my hands, and at the bed that the two of us have shared for the past seven years.

"And he just started listening...and you...you never listened Dom" I told him helplessly "And I missed that. At first, it was all we ever did, we talked and listened, and then it just...it just stopped."

He couldn't look at me then. Not that it mattered, I couldn't look at him straight either.

Maybe it was shame...anger? I wouldn't know what I'd do if Dom told me that he loved another woman. Heck, I wouldn't even wait for an excuse I'd probably go ahead and break his face, yet here he is, accepting things.

_What's done is done, kid._

"And Jesse?" he asked "Do you...do you blame me for Jesse?"

I closed my eyes.

Jesse. There hasn't been a day when I didn't think of that kid. Maybe someday it'll stop...but I don't think I want it to. I want the hurt to stop, but I never want to forget him, don't ever want to stop missing him.

"Jesse did all that on his own, we all did. You never held a gun to our heads, and we did it coz of the family." I said "But at the same time...I can't forget about the fact that you went ahead with the plan even when we told you not to."

I stop for a minute, not really sure whether or not I should go on.

Dom...he's gone through so much. He not only saw his father die, but He's had to live with the fact that with his hands, someone like Linder has to go through life handicapped.

And now, there's Jesse. I couldn't let him think that Jesse was his fault.

"Why'd you stop?" he asks "Go on."

"Dom..."

"No, go on" he told me "All this started because the two of us stopped talking, so if you have something to say, now's the time to say it"

I turn around and face him. His eyes are clouded with pain, and I know he's already blaming himself for Jesse's death.

"Dom, Jesse isn't your fault. I'm angry because you didn't listen to us, to me. I'm angry...because I felt like we could've spent that time looking for Jesse instead of going ahead with something that we knew was fucked up." I told him

"But that's all what if's Dom, they're _done_. What happened to Jesse...it happened coz he bet slips against Tran then panicked and ran away when he lost. It's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault...if anything I fucking wanna kill Tran."

"He's already dead."

"Can I move on to his sister?"

He flinches. I said it in an attempt for levity, but I guess it came out wrong. Hell, everything I say nowadays seems to come out wrong.

"I'm sorry." I apologized "I didn't mean it that way."

"I guess this is one of the things we're gonna have to work on, huh?" he quipped

It actually makes me smile.

Sometimes it's annoying how Dom always says the right thing to ease any sort of situation.

It's one of his strengths, this...charisma. Everyone's just drawn to him: racers, skanks, parents, kids, pets, good luck, bad luck, trouble...he just drags them all in, and us along with him.

"You gonna go all Oprah on me now?" he smirks "Ask us to get in touch with our feelings and all that shit?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah, we're gonna have to do that shit...and some of it won't be very good."

Fuck, I don't even know where to begin with this. I don't even know where the hell we're supposed to go.

"There's a lot of shit we need to wade through Dom, three years is a long time, and we've been having trouble a lot longer than that."

"Okay..." he says, nodding

We kind of just sit there, wanting to look at each other and yet not really being able to.

I can't remember the last time Dom and I have ever had such an awkward moment. Even when we're fighting, the two of us seem to just flow, like a current passing from one wire to the other.

And now that connection's _gone_, and we're just lost without it.

* * *

**Flashback**

I should've done this a long time ago.

Sweat runs down my back as I park right next to a red Taurus, in a spot that's somewhat near the bar but dark enough that no one can see me.

O'Malley's is crawling with cops, mostly from Metro and some who've graduated to SWAT.

I slam the door close, leaning on the frame of the newly painted black Civic just as I see a familiar figure stepping out of the loud pub.

I check my watch: 11:15, right on time. The man usually needed a breather around this time, and Jim is nothing but a creature of habit.

And just like always, he feels the heat of my stare even when I'm completely hidden.

I let him look around a bit before I take a deep breath and call out to him.

"Jim!"

My voice sounds heavy in the night air, and at the back of mind, I can't help but wish that there was some other way—an easier way—that I could do this.

Oh fuck easy, I wish I didn't have to do this.

I wish there were some way that we could go on, but I've thought about it, over and over...

His footsteps cut through my thoughts, and I watch as he jogs towards me, a huge smile on his face.

"Hey Let!" he beams "Good thing you dropped by, all the guys are in there and I've been wanting you to meet them--"

I take a deep breath and just cut to the chase.

"I can't stay, Jim."

The smile falters but he's quick to recover. We're used to doing that, hiding our disappointments. With us seemingly running two lives, you can't help but make choices, the kind that usually makes you give something up...

"Well, that's okay. It's just a bunch of guys from the team celebrating" he says "Coz as of this day, we're SWAT!"

You have to admit, when the guys happy, he's happy.

His hands go around my waist and I find my feet leaving the ground, almost smiling with him in his success.

He's wanted this a long time, and I've watched him go through it, shared some of his struggles, saw him train, felt his pain.

But as I looked down at his open face...I'm reminded of another set of dark eyes, holding me up and looking at me with his own success, with the same love overflowing...and I can't help but feel like I'm looking at the wrong ones.

"Jim, put me down" I told him, annoyed when he doesn't "Fuck Jim, stop...just, stop"

I can see the change in his eyes as I settle back on the ground.

"What's wrong babe?" he asks, trying hard to see my face, while I try my best to avoid his "C'mon Let, you know how important this is for me, and considering all those miles you talked me into every morning, this success might as well be yours too!"

I can't find it in me to even smile at his jokes. How can I, when I feel like a part of my life was ending.

"I can't...I can't see you anymore"

The worlds roll out like packs of ice, and we're both just frozen there, holding onto each other.

"What?!" he asks, unbelieving

"C'mon, we talked about this..."

"No, you said we should probably see each other _less_"

"And we did...and with you in training--"

"Yeah, but that's done" he says "I'm on the team now Let, we do the ceremony and all that crap next week but I'm officially in, I'm gonna be home more regularly now--"

"And where will I be?" I cut in "When you get called, and you get hurt, where am I gonna be?"

His grip on me tightens and my nails dig into his arms, hoping that he'll understand what I'm saying.

"You fell from a house last month and broke your arm. Then your fucking partner tries to tell me that they caught it on the training video and tried to show me, thinking that it's all funny that you fell from a second story window trying to get to some armed psycho who barricaded himself in a room with explosives"

His eyeborows knock on his forehead "That's classified, how did you--"

"I got sources" I told him, not needing to hint that they we're _illegal sources _

"And that...that's the thing Jim, you falling off roofs and getting shot...it's just one of the reasons..."

I take a deep breath. This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Never had to let go of someone before, except for maybe my father. But he doesn't really count...

"I can't do that Jim, I can't go to _my _home every fucking day and know that you're out there, getting yourself killed." I explained "You have no idea how hard it was for me after the accident, how every time my fucking cellphone rang, I kept thinking this might be it..."

"But it wasn't!" he yelled "C'mon, I'm good at this Let, can't you at least have some confidence in my abilities?"

"Jesus Jim, I was a wreck and you were just training! Now you're gonna be on call 24/7, and that really puts me in a fucking bind!" I answer back

"Because I can't...I can't take this. Seeing you hurt and not being able to do something about it...Not right now. I've too much going on right now, and I can't...I can't take on this responsibility. I can't do that, and just be number fucking two on your emergency list."

"Letty--" he sounds desperate, but I cut him off

"We got different lives Jim!"

And there it is, the truth that we've been avoiding.

Eighteen fucking months of trying to get around it and now we've hit a dead end.

"You and me...we weren't supposed to last, we knew that. All we had in the beginning was this one great night that we tried to make last and now we're just...stretched too thin."

"Is this what you thought? That it was just sex?" he hissed, trying to bait me

"No, that's not what I meant and you fucking know it!" I yelled at him "We've gone over Jim, we pushed past those boundaries that we made."

He let go of me, trying hard to hear this while I'm pretty desperate in trying in making him.

"When we're together, it's all good, and I have no doubt that it'll stay good. But that life that we have when we're together...it's not us Jim, it's not real"

"Then why can't we make it _real_" he reasoned "We got a choice Letty, why can't we decide to make this our lives?"

God, I just want to wring his neck but I settle for stomping my foot instead.

"Because we're too fucking different! We've been living in a stupid bubble, and now its burst and we're back to the real world, where you're a fucking cop and I'm a street racer!" I cried

"Do you even know who I am Jim? Do you remember?" I tell him "I'm a racer Jim, I'm a fucking racer. I got speed and a hot car, and I spend most my nights in the streets of LA schooling punks for their money with my team. And it's an addiction Jim. All this. Coz it's not about money, it's not just about the cars, it's about _speed_. It's about that ten second high that I get on, from the moment my foot hits the gas and my finger thumbs the NOS to the finish line."

He bites his lip as I go on to explain.

"And I know you understand what I'm saying coz you got that fucking addiction too. I saw how your eyes lit up when you took me to that firing range in La Jolla. I know that every time you go out, you get that fucking rush and you just can't...let go."

I take his hand and lace my fingers through his.

It feels warm, familiar, and I know how much I'll miss doing this...just talking, feeling him, holding his hand...

"Sometimes we want the wrong things. They fucking feel right, and knowing that you let it go on and on...but in the end, it's still wrong, and you just have to make it right and end things."

"But we can make it right Letty" he argued

"No" I shook my head "Not this time Jim, not right now. I got shit going on in my life that I can't drag you into."

The two of us just stand there, not wanting to move, thinking that if we stay this way, we can make the world stop, make us right again.

But it was never right, even from the beginning, and it's time for us to do something about it.

"So this is it?" he asks "Is this...is this goodbye Letty?"

His eyes and are candidly earnest, almost begging...

"I..."

"Don't say yes" he cuts in suddenly "Don't say yes unless you absolutely mean it, unless you think we won't ever see each other again."

I open my mouth and so help me God I can't fucking say anything.

"Then someday then" he says "It's not goodbye, it's someday. When we're both right, and we don't have any of these bullshit hanging over us."

"I can't Jim" I say "I can't promise you anything."

"I'm not asking for forever here Letty, I'm just..." he fumbles, running his hands through his hair

"I _need_ you in my life Letty. It doesn't have to be us, I don't care if you can't fucking see me right now but...I don't think I can go on with my life knowing that you'll never be in it."

I want to say no, I know I should say no, but I can't because I feel the same way. And I know that, because like all the other stuff in my life, some things are just...meant to be.

* * *

**Present**

The room is quiet.

Somehow, Dom and I are talked out. We haven't done that in a long time, talk. We haven't even gotten to the important parts, and we're already exhausted.

But at least we've acknowledged that there is a problem, that there's something in us that we needs to be fixed. We may not like the outcome, but at least we're finally willing to try, and that in itself is an achievement...and hopefully, a beginning.

I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping for the next few months. Wake up when all this is over.

The thought of sleep reminds me of another problem...

Where the hell am I going to sleep?

Dom and I stare at the bed at the same time...probably thinking the same thing...

We haven't been apart since Baja. Not once. We can fight, we can be pissed off, but unlike before when I'd leave or send him to the couch, we couldn't bear to be...separated. Not after going without each other for so long.

I could crash with Vince or Leon or the couch and Dom would come get me during the dawn. Or I would go out and seek Dom.

But tonight...tonight is a different thing. Tonight I can't even imagine touching him, can't even be in the same room with him, and I'm hella sure he feels the same way.

"I'll, uh, I'll take the couch tonight" he says, getting up, but I put my hand up to stop him

"No, I'll go."

His eyes automatically narrow at me, processing what I'd just said, wondering if I meant _go someplace else in the house _or _go to Jim's. _

Dom's eyes can never lie, and it's up to you whether you want to face the truth or walk away to avoid getting hurt.

I'm fucking pissed that he would think that way, but I know he has a right not to trust me right now. Had this been three years ago, I may have well been on my way to Jim's apartment.

And even though we both know that it's not going to happen, we can't help but feel that shadow of doubt slowly settle between us.

I guess that's another thing we're gonna have to work on...learning to trust each other again.

"Brian's over at Mia's so I'll take the bed in the dungeon"

His eyes widen and to be honest, I'm surprised that I said that too.

The dungeon—otherwise known as the basement—used to be Leon and Jesse's room. Now he's just bunking in with Vince.

None of us have had the strength to clean it out yet, although I know Leon still goes down there, mostly because some of his stuff is still in it.

But so far, we haven't really...ventured in. There's still too many memories, too much hurt...

I could have just taken the couch, but tonight seems like the right time to...be there.

The kid always did look after me, supporting me when I was about to fall. And even though he's not physically here, I need his strength now more than ever, because Dom isn't available to help me up on this one.

Dom looks like he wants to protest, but he takes one look at my face and just nods.

"If you're sure" he says

"I am" I answer

I can feel Dom's eyes on me as I walk to the dresser to get a pair of boxers and a wifebeater.

When I finally got my stuff, I walk towards the door and just sort of...hover.

I mean, what the hell do you do? Do I say goodbye? Goodnight? Do I kiss him? Not kiss him? Do I even want to say something? Do something? I feel like holding my hand out for a shake but that's even dumber.

At last, I just...walk away...

"Let?"

I stop, and turn around.

By the moonlight, Dom just looks...wounded. His eyes are shining and his face has that look of anger, desperation and fear.

"I...I..." he fumbles "Um, goodnight Let"

I give him a tired smile "Goodnight Dom...I'll see you in the morning"

They're simple words, but that brings in some reassurance...for his part at least.

My feet and my heart feel like lead as I drag myself to Jesse's room.

Fuck it, sleep won't come easy with me tonight.

* * *

**Flashback**

We spent fifteen more minutes just standing there, holding onto each other.

People were starting to notice, and his new partner Gamble already came out once to check on him.

Freaky guy, that Gamble, don't like him much. But he and Jim get along like brothers, so I guess I trust him too.

Finally Gus comes out for his break and I know it's time.

"Jim..."

He just nods, but his hands tighten on me, like he doesn't want to let go.

"I...I..." I start, but fuck it...what do I wanna say?

What do you say when you have to let someone go?

"Just say you'll never forget this" he says, like he's read my mind

"I don't think I can, quite frankly" I smile wanly

Finally, his hand wanders to my neck, and bends down to brush his lips on my forehead.

"Take care Letty" he murmurs

"You too"

I know it seems insufficient, but right now it's all I can say, it's all I got to offer him.

Then I pull back and I just start...walking. Away from Jim, away from the past year, away from a part of my life...

And into the new one that I was about to enter with Dom.

I fish the keys out of my pocket, my hands shaking, wishing I didn't have to go, and at the same time I really can't wait to get out of here.

I'm nearly in the car when I hear Jim step up a few feet behind me...

Shit, I thought he'd already left. I'd walked away from him once already...I don't think I'll have the strength to do it again tonight...

"Letty?"

I keep the door open, but I don't make a move to get out, or even look at him.

I don't think I can see his face, or even listen to him try and convince me.

"Yeah, Jim?"

"You know I've got your back don't you girl?"

That makes me smile. It also makes me cry, but more so, it makes me smile.

I look up and see him standing there. In his plaid shirt, spiked hair, his hands buried in his pockets, his eyes misty with a hurt grin on his face...I'll remember that. I'll remember all of that...

"Yeah...and I've got your back, Street, don't you forget that."

He actually finds it in him to close the door for me. To watch me start the car, then wave goodbye, and just see me off...watching me watch him from the rearview mirror, looking at him, as he grew smaller and smaller...as I drove out of his life...


	10. Flashbacks

I'm standing in a phone booth in the middle of nowhere.

My hands are shaking as I hold the receiver, and my head feels like it's in a vice.

I blink and turn around, away from the neon sign of the Roadside Motor Inn. Its pitch black out there, but the light hurts my eyes.

There's shouting at the other end of the line and I'm finding it hard to focus.

_I can't breathe..._

"Just wake up Letty! Please, c'mon..."

I'm a bit scared. I can't see anything outside. There's no one there. It's just me and the motel, somewhere in nothingness, and I figure that I'm lost.

Coz I don't know where I am.

I close my eyes and lean into the side of the booth, trying to decide how to give directions.

"Motorside Inn, California" is all I can manage. It's really all I can remember.

"Let! C'mon, hear my voice, please, hear my voice..."

I try to. And it's familiar. But I just...I can't stay awake to remember which one it is...

"Get up!"

I feel a shove on my arm and I pull myself up. I look up and a blinding shaft of light hits my eyes. I close them again and try to sink back into the seats.

Jim is yelling at me. He's really panicking. My eyes are half open and I can see him trying to distract me while he tries to drive. He looks like he's about to cry.

Not a good idea, Jim. We're in the desert. Bumpy roads. You need two hands on the wheel. You could get us in an accident...

I try to tell him that but my voice comes out with this pathetic wheeze...

His eyes bulge out and this time, I'm the one that cries...

_I can't breathe..._

There are two voices now.

I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

I just want to sleep. Everything hurts. My hands, my legs, my back, my face. Fuck, I think even my hair hurts. Is that even possible? To hurt so much that even your hair hurts?

"Letty, move your legs, I need you to move your legs! Move dammit!"

And I do. I give a kick. It fucking hurts, but my legs are there and I can feel them.

Thank God.

My mind if slowly drifting, and I can feel myself being pulled out...

It hurts and I move my legs again, and my arms. I have to move. They're telling me to move. And I do. I can move them. I can feel them...

_But I can't breathe..._

I cry out and open my eyes, and see this hulking figure, out to get me. His hand is raised and I can feel the air as his arm arcs down to hit me...

I try and give a scream but I just can't breathe...

* * *

**Present**

"Letty!"

I sit straight up in bed, holding my face.

Mia is there with me, wearing a nasty scowl that quickly melts into concern when she sees me.

"Jesus, Letty..." she sighs in relief

My cheek stings and reality dawns on me...

"You hit me!" I cry "You fucking hit me!"

"And you kicked me!" she bites back

She looks like she wants to deck me again, but settles for this amused worried look instead.

I don't know how she does it, but Mia manages to look worried. All the time. No matter what she's feeling. She could be happy, angry, sad or some shit, but she'd still be worrying.

"You scared me" she said, trying to pull me up "I've been trying to wake you up for the last ten minutes, but you wouldn't even move"

No shit.

The sheets are wrapped tightly around me, soaked in sweat. It's fucking hot outside, but somehow I've managed to wrap myself up like a burrito.

Not an easy feat considering that Jesse's bed is a tiny single.

How the hell that boy got laid with this bunker, I sincerely do not know...

And will never know...

My eyes meet Mia's, and as if on cue, we look around Jesse's room.

I know it's really Jesse's and Leon's room, but in the past couple of months, but now with him bunking in with Vince or out with some girl, the room is simply Jesse's.

All his things are here. His magazines. His laptop. Posters. Books. Toys. Clothes. The damn place even smells like him and in the light of the morning, I'm reminded once again how much I miss him.

And how much this hurts...

"We're gonna have to get rid of this someday" I blurt out

I can see the hurt shoot up in her eyes, but she just nods her head.

One day, we're gonna have to let go. Say goodbye to him within ourselves. His body may be in the ground, but everything about him is still _here. _

And we can't talk about him, if he's _here. _We can't remember him, the things he did, how he was, what he meant to us, which is sad, because Jesse deserves to move on to.

He can't be too happy with the car god's if he's looking down at us, seeing us tired and moping all the time.

"I talked to Dom about it" Mia said "He said that it was going to have to be Leon's decision. Since this is his room now and all. He'll decide what to do with it."

My eyes sweep around the room once, taking it all in, before I get up and stretch.

Bones crack as I rotate my neck, and I feel like shit. The heat in the room suggests that it's close to noon, and I know I've overslept, but I feel tired and weary at the same time.

"Bad night?" she asks

"Yeah..."

We just kind of stand there in the middle of Jesse's room, trying to gauge each other's moods.

I know Brian must have told her half the shit that went down by now. She already knows Jim and I went out, but the way she's looking at me suggests that a lot more have been added during the night.

"Dom and the others have already left" she says, breaking the ice "He came by to check on you, but you were still sleeping. He says you can take the day off, if you want."

I just nod.

I don't know what I'd do with the day off, but I do know that I don't want to see Dom, or anyone really. Not yet.

Mia senses this and fumbles around, looking for an out even though she wants to stay...

I know I'm bad company right now, but even though I don't want to see the guys, I can't stand the idea of being alone for the rest of the day.

I don't really want to think. I don't think I can bear all those thoughts alone, even though I've lived with them for a year.

"Nah Mia, you can stay. I just...I don't think I can be alone right now." I tell her, looking around "And I don't think I can be in this house..."

I see it coming, but it still surprises me.

In an instant, I'm engulfed in one of Mia's massive hugs, and even though I'm not a fan of touching, I return the gesture full force.

It's been so long since I needed the affection of a sister, needed the support of a sister.

And if nothing else, I just need Mia right now...

"Jesus Let" she asks brokenly through the hug "What happened?"

* * *

**Flashback**

I hear voices.

My open and my eyes are hit by a blinding light. That hurts. I give out a sickening groan and try roll over on the bed.

Not a good idea, cause my chest hurts like the fucking hell.

"Letty!"

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to wait out the pain "Ugh..."

"How do you feel Letty?" the other voice asks me

"Swell, like a monster truck ran over me, how the shit do you think I feel" I his through my teeth

I can hear a chuckle as someone grips my hand.

"She's sweet, Jim. No wonder you fell for her."

Open my eyes again, slowly this time.

I can see Jim sitting next to me in a chair, holding my hand, tired, scared and confused. Beside him is some idiot in a crewneck shirt, looking all fucking GQ as he leans on a counter with a smirk on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" I whisper hoarsely, looking at him

"Hey, that's not a nice thank you for someone who just saved your life" he says, brushing back his red hair as he makes his way over me "But since you're into some good stuff, I'm willing to overlook all this love and affection"

Jim gives me a tired grin "This is my friend Richard"

"**Dr.** Richard" he interrupts "You've insisted on calling me with the honorific for the past two days, Jimbo, why stop now that my patient's awake?"

He sighs "This is Richard Collin, MD. We were friends in college."

"Yes!" Collin cries, then pulls a stool and wheels right next to me "And how do you feel sweetness?"

"Like hell" I answer "But well enough to kick your ass if you keep calling me that"

"Ah, some bite" he answers "Not bad Jim, not bad at all."

I groan and try to move, but my chest hurts and my left hand is stuck with an IV.

"What the fuck--" I look around and see that I am...in someone else's house. In someone else's room...

It's...it's the beach house that Jim and I went to our first night...

"I'm sure you're already familiar with my humble abode" Richard answers, taking out a penlight and shining it into my eyes "Look here, sweetness"

The light hits my eyes and I groan.

"Yup, she's fine. Like I said, it was just a minor concussion, not as bad we feared" he told Jim "Though this one...we were lucky with this one."

I look down at where he's point and see tape peeking underneath the jersey I'm wearing.

No wonder I couldn't breathe...

"No, you couldn't breathe because there was a bone digging into your left lung" he told me "By the time Jimbo got you here, the rib poked clean through. You know when someone tells you not to move, you really ought to listen. Especially when chest injuries are involved. How the hell did you get them anyway?"

"I was in a car accident" I answer automatically

Jim's hand tightens, which Richard notices.

"Okay fine, I don't want to know!" he cries, throwing up his hands "You think I'd be able to help more if I knew what happened..."

"You've helped enough Richard, thank you" Jim answers, looking at me while being strangely tight lipped

This strange tension has somehow settled in the room and Richard notices this.

I lock eyes with Jim, and I can see that he's just itching for an explanation.

"I'm, uh, gonna go out for a smoke" Richard tells us

"Take Roxy with you" Jim tells him, not breaking his gaze on me

"Will do"

We wait for a few minutes, until Richard leaves. As soon as the front door closes I beat Jim to the question.

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days" Jim answers, worried "I thought you had a concussion at first, but what you really had was a punctured lung. I had to get someone to help me or you would have died."

I just nodded, slumping back on the sheets.

I'm in the guest room, and I can hear the waves coming from outside. People are passing by, dogs are barking. I can hear some traffic.

But me and Jim are oddly quiet as the two of us wait each other out.

"I...I didn't know what to tell Richard when he asked me what happened" he explained "Took me a few minutes to get a trace on your phone, and I'm just amazed that you stayed awake enough to tell me your _other _number"

He was tracing his thumb at the back of my hand, biting his lip.

I feel really calm, mellow. It's like the room is fading on the edges and it's lulling me to sleep.

Ahh, the good life.

I fix my eyes back at Jim, but he doesn't want to look at me, which is weird because Jim always looks at me. His eyes reflect his honestly and I've always appreciated that about him, his lack of deception.

But now I'm beginning to realize that you don't need his eyes to know the truth.

Jim will always fucking tell you...

* * *

**Present**

"So that's a Double Strawberry and a Fudge Sundae" the waitress told us "I'll be back in a few minutes to get your order"

She winks at us and I can't help it, but I smile.

Mia and I have been coming here since we were kids, saving dimes and nickels just so we could feel grown up by buying our own ice cream.

Tony would drop us off weekends, leaving us there while he ran errands. The owner knew us, the waitresses knew us, and they've watched us come as we'd struggle up stools to a time when we didn't disappear in the large booths.

Things were easier then. But then, they always are.

"God, I can't believe how little this place has changed" Mia smiles, fiddling with a straw "I remember dragging you here in that dress..."

I just kind of grin at the memory...

Mia was ten and I was eight. It was the first time we'd been allowed to stay without Dom or Vince or Tony, and Mia felt like such the big sister.

Dressing me up, combing my hair and shit. I didn't do dresses. They made me wear skirts and that fucking shit to school, but I didn't do dresses.

But since that was an "extra super special day", Mia came to my house and put me in one of my church clothes.

Thank God I outgrew all of em in six months.

We came in and they sat us on the stool, where they could watch us all the time. One of the waitresses had to help me up the seat, and scrawny little snot that I was, they made me sit on the phone directory.

Charming memory.

"Then you had all those sundaes...you ate so much, I thought you'd throw up in the car. Dad was so pissed" she smiled "Those were good times, huh?"

"Yeah..." I answered "But they're gone now."

The ice cream comes in, weakening the awkward moment between us. After some fuss about asking what the other got and some extra stuff, the waitress leaves and we're left to ourselves again.

And just like before, Mia the big sister kicks into high gear. Taking care of Letty.

"I didn't know your injuries were that bad" she told me "Brian said you could have died."

I shrugged "It was all of those internal bleeding bullshit. My ribs were broken, on the way home one of them just went through. I knew something was wrong, I could have said something, but I didn't think it was anything at the time...it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, but I'm the one studying to be a doctor" she smiled lamely

"Well, you were otherwise occupied" I told her "And a part time second year med student couldn't really have done much, Mia, not with my injuries. Doc did a pretty good job fixing me up, considering what little he had to work with."

What I said doesn't really help. Not that I was trying to. I just needed to say something, maybe explain to her why I made those choices.

"Why couldn't you have come to us, Letty" she asks "We were all waiting for you in Baja, and when you didn't come in that first week...Dammit, I thought you were dead!"

She's this close to hysterics, but she reigns it all in.

Good ole Mia, who has the control that we seem to lack. While Dom flies of the living edge, Mia meditates on how to express her anger better.

"What would you have done if Brian hadn't agreed to help you?"

"I don't know" I answer candidly "It really wasn't my idea, it was all Jim's. He figured it out when I was knocked cold for three days and he just...he called Brian."

"That was some risk you two took Letty"

"It was a risk, but I knew even from way back that Brian wasn't going to do anything, he had too much to lose."

"What, you mean his badge?" she asked, confused

"No, Mia" I answered "I meant _you"_

* * *

**Flashback**

I wake up to two voices arguing over my head.

"Do you fucking understand what you're trying to do?"

"What, like you any other choice? You're here now man, there ain't nothing we can do but this..."

"But why are you doing this?"

"Same reason why you're doing this..."

"Letty's not gonna like this..."

"Letty's not in a position to like anything right now."

I give a grunt and try to open my eyes.

"Don't you two fucking know that it's bad manners to talk about a patient over her head?" I grumble "I'm right here. So if you guys ain't gonna talk to me, then you can shut up so I can get back to sleep"

There's footsteps, and in a few minutes two heads are looming over me. One is Jim, but the other isn't the cocky read head that I've become familiar with as of late.

Instead, I'm looking at a set of worried blue eyes and a face that I just want to smash my fist in.

"Spilner?!" I hiss "What the fuck are you doing here?!"

I try to get up, but both of them immediately hold me down.

"Jesus, try not to move Letty, you'll open your wound!" Jim panics

"Then let me go and bust his face" I slur "Or do I have to go through yours first?!"

My head feels like cotton, and I can't feel my tongue. I'm aware that my legs are moving, that I can't move them...but it's like running through water. They feel a little heavy, a bit too detached, like moving limbs that aren't mine...

"Shit Let, you're half shit faced and you can still pack a punch" Brian grunts "I thought you said she was sedated?"

"She's got a strong will" Jim answers, adjusting my IV "Richard put in enough medication to knock out a horse and she can still kick like one...doesn't say much about her cognition though"

"Why's that?" Brian asks

I feel like I'm swimming, and I sink down further into the sheets and just melt into the water around me.

Everything is warm and fuzzy, including Spilner's voice.

At the back of my head, I can hear Dom talking to me. My eyes are heavy, but I answer him back before I go to bed. Saying good night, wishing him great dreams, telling him good luck at the races...

Voices drift and swirl all around me as I close my eyes, listening to Dom as he talks me to bed...

"Are you kidding?" the somehow sings "This much morphine and you can ask Letty anything...fuck, you can ask anyone anything..."


	11. Strangers

**Flashback**

I woke up to the sound of the surf rolling in.

I could hear people running, dogs barking, kids crying as their mothers reigned them in and birds trying to find their breakfast.

It was the sound of a new day and my body hurts like hell, not from my injuries but from lying down too much.

Today...I decide that it's time to get up.

My feet hit the cold wooden floors and make their way towards the windows, where the blinds are drawn to shield me from the rest of the world.

From in here, it's easy to imagine outside as just another beach in Mexico.

With the hot sun bearing down, tourists walking around, English and Spanish conversations all meshed together as they went up my window.

Where Vince and Leon will be out trying to find some girls, dragging Dom with them and educating Jesse along the way...and Mia...Mia will be downstairs cooking breakfast, something sweet and cold to celebrate our long awaited vacation.

But it's not Mexico...

My side twitches and I lean on a table for support, catching my breath for a few minutes.

Nope, it's not fucking Mexico. My team is not out there and this is not a vacation.

I can either stay here, close my eyes, pretending that everything's okay, or I can crawl out into the kitchen and hope that no one's there to see me looking all pathetic.

I'm finally just won over by an empty stomach, so I limp my way over to the spacey kitchen, hoping for last night's spaghetti.

What I find instead is last nights overworked resident Irish and today's bumbling Celtic zombie.

"Good morning" I grumble, trying to make it the refrigerator

Richard looks up from his paper and stares at me, bug eyed but happy.

"Well good morning, look who decided to get up" he smiles

"I could say the same about you" I mutter, trying to make myself as small as possible

"Sit down, we have pancakes" he says, pointing to the stack in front of him

There's also bacon, some eggs and fruit laid out next to a milk container.

"They must really like you. Best I get when Jim stays over and is a stale can of beer left in my counter."

I give a snort but sink into the chair opposite him. I don't think I can make it as far as fridge.

Richard notices this and starts to get up, and I immediately motion for him to sit back down.

For the past week I've been treated like some shitty ass piece of porcelain, where I have people hovering with concerned faces and fussy questions.

Thank God I can make it on my own to the bathroom.

We just kind of sit there for awhile, eating, before Richard gathers enough maxi to put his paper down and actually ask me a question.

"You okay Letty?"

I shrug. "Yeah. Side still kinda hurts but that shit you gave me really helps."

He gives a nervous nod. I know he's wondering how long I'll keep telling the truth, if I'm still really hurting or it's me turning into a Vicodin junkie.

But he knows I'm not lying, that it still fucking hurts. The dopes good but it's not my thing, and I'm going to tell him that as soon as I don't feel like a deflated air bag.

"Jim's at work and Brian's checking some shit out."

I try not to choke on the last name, but I'm sure my face shows my anger. I feel everything from my neck up burning and a rotten sensation has just crept up my stomach and is making its way to my fists.

"You should talk to them you know, they're worried about you."

"I talk to Jim" I bit back "And I talk to you"

"And Brian?" he asks "He was just doing his job."

I slam my fist on the table top, not caring if it hurts and that it bothers my side. I take a deep breath, count to ten and tell myself to calm down.

To not hit him, that he's just trying to help.

"Look, I don't care what that fucking _cop_ did, or is fucking doing, I don't want to hear about it"

"Uh-huh" he answers "And when are you willing to hear about it? When is it most suitable to your schedule--"

"Shut up" I threaten

"—coz it's been a month Letty, and this is the first time you've actually gotten out of bed without either me or Jim ordering you to."

"It doesn't hurt as much today."

"Well it doesn't seem to hurt when no ones around Letty" he argues "five weeks Letty, when are you going to listen?"

"When I'm fucking ready!" I yell at him then quickly apologize.

Richard doesn't have to do this. He doesn't have to sneak me meds, keep me and two others in his house, or patch me up. He doesn't need three fucking houseguests, one a useless convalescent, trying to interfere in his already hectic life.

"Cut the sorry Letty" he says "I don't mind having you here I'm just reminding you that you've got a life outside of that bed."

I push my plate away, losing my appetite "You make a lousy shrink"

"Which is why I'm a fucking surgeon" he snaps "And I'm not trying to cure you out of a depression Letty, I'm just trying to get you to stop pretending that nothing happened."

I just stare at him, not really wanting to discuss this but not being able to tear my eyes off him.

For the past five weeks, Richard has really taken it upon himself to watch over me. And not because he's my doctor, but because he's become a friend...an annoyingly poised and preppy friend, not the type I usually have, which is why I'm nice to him.

He sighs and looks out the window.

The blinds are open here. I think Brian and Jim didn't expect me to go out today so they kept it open. The beach is actually far from the house and with the one way tint, you can barely see us from outside the house, but they're pretty paranoid.

They're keeping me safe.

"If it were up to Jim, he'd have thrown you in his car and moved back east. But that's just _him, _there's still you to consider" he says "I'm not being an ass here Letty. I like you. But Jim's a very good friend and I happen to think that Brian is a nice guy. But neither of them is up to knocking some sense into you, so I'm going to do it for them."

I want to ignore what he said, try and block out the words like I've been doing for the past weeks.

But I know he's right...

"You're going to have to move, Letty" he tells me "You can take as long as you like, I don't mind, but you're still going to pick a direction."

Here or there, this way or that, you have to fucking choose Letty...because you're running out of time.

I'm not dumb.

The moment I dialed Jim's cell from that run down motel, I knew it was going to come to this.

But every time I saw Jim, I told myself that I even though I had to make a choice, I didn't have to be now, not yet. It was just easier to sit there in his arms, hearing his voice talking to me, trying my best to answer as the painkillers worked its way through my system.

And I'd close my eyes and be far off, away, drifting in a place where there was no Jim no Dom no heists and even no Letty.

There was just me, and an open road. A straight road. And a car that I drove down the line. As fast as I could, as far as I could. Redlining all the way to nothingness...until the next morning.

Where Richard would be at the hospital, and Jim would be at work, and Brian...Brian would be someplace else, having giving up trying to talk to me. And I'd be free to think, about anything and everything, trying to block out the pain, physical and otherwise, and drowning in whatever kind of comfort I could draw from my IV and my imagination.

But now...now things didn't hurt so much. Richard's taken me off some of my meds, and Jim's starting to ask questions. Real questions. And Brian...he's out somewhere.

He asks about Mia. I don't tell him shit, but he still asks. He loves her, I think. Really loves her. He says he let Dom go, that he's somewhere in Mexico, so Mia's probably in Mexico.

He says he needs Mia. He says he's going to make things right. But I don't know what the hell that means, because I don't really know what's right anymore.

"Letty?"

I snap out of my fugue and look at Richard.

I know I've been in and out lately, but Jim says it's a combination of shock and meds. Richard won't say anything.

Fuck...he's not saying anything.

"Letty?"

Richard's lips don't move, and this time, both of us look up to the entryway in the kitchen.

Brian is standing there, in a suit. He looks tired and his eyes hold so much pain that my heart jumps to my chest.

"Let..." he chokes, trying to get the words out, trying to tell me

_Oh God, Dom..._

"Fuck it Spilner just tell me" I bark, even if I don't want to hear it, want to run away from the bad news.

"Letty" he says, walking up to me, settling down on his knees, looking in all the world like he's begging for forgiveness

"I'm sorry Letty" he cries

My mind shuts down and I tumble forward as the words leave his mouth in one breath.

"Jesse's dead."

* * *

**Present  
  
**I hear the door slam and the scuffle of feet, sounding a lot like mice running around the ceiling.

Mia and I have been home for a couple of hours.

It took us five rounds of ice cream in order to finish my story. I think the sugar high carried her through, because she smiled and hugged me after, but told me she needed a bath as soon we got home.

She's still in there.

I threw up most of what I ate. Brushed my teeth. Changed clothes.

But as soon as I got in mine and Dom's room, I knew I couldn't stay there.

So I went back here. Lay down in Jesse's small bed. Staring at the Heavy Metal magazine posters and the action figures. The model cars. His sticker filled Powerbook.

Staring so much that I can still see it now, in the dark. There's no light here. No window.

I have no idea what time it is. Jesse doesn't have a clock in here, but that's okay. I don't really care.

I'm half asleep when the light suddenly comes on.

I sit up, blinking, the soft lighting still hurting my sensitized eyes.

"Letty?"

My eyes adjust and I nod towards the door.

"Hey Leon" I greet him. I try to manage a smile, but it comes out as a grimace.

He doesn't come in, just...hovers by the door, looking at his shoes.

Things haven't been the same between us since he dropped me off at the motel.

I think he feels guilty. I know Dom gave him a hard time when he and Vince arrived in Mexico and I wasn't there. I also know Dom would come back to get me, which was why I told Leon to stop him.

_Do anything_, I remember telling Leon. Drug him, tie him up, lock him in a room, anything to keep him from risking all of them by going back. In exchange, I promised Leon I'd follow them in a few weeks. A month tops.

He wasn't very happy with me when I showed up at the house in Baja six months later. Even when I told them that I'd been injured, and that their names were cleared and we could all go home, back to our own lives, he couldn't—wouldn't—look at me straight.

Brian was already there, but we'd already agreed that we wouldn't tell them about the plan.

Only that he'd had a friend check on me before he left. The same friend who told him where they were, the same friend who told them I was fine and recuperating.

I was alive. I would come back.

But Jesse was dead. And I was late. Five months late. And Dom was a basket case, and Vince needed therapy for his arm. And Mia and Brian were trying hard not to be so annoyingly happy.

Brian told me that Leon blamed himself, more than Dom blamed him.

So he was angry for a long time with me, still is in a way. And now that the truth is out...

"I didn't know you were here" he says, still not looking at me "I was just going to get a bunch of stuff"

I stood up, moving to one side of the bed, not knowing how to handle the situation.

I know Vince is with Dom, he always was. No matter what Dom did, Vince would always take his side. So would Jesse.

But Leon...Leon didn't take sides. He was the peacemaker in the group, balancing Mia's reconciliatory efforts whenever some member of the team pissed each other off.

"You can come in" I told him, watching as he took a few steps towards the dresser, then just...stopped.

For a moment I thought he wanted me to leave, and I was about to. Was almost to the door when his question stopped me.

"Did he suffer?"

"What?"

"Jesse" he asked, turning to face me "Did he suffer?"

"I..." I swallow, my throat suddenly dry "I don't know. I never got a chance to visit him at the hospital."

Leon's still not looking at me. He's just fidgeting, playing with his fingers, trying hard not to cry as tries to ask me the difficult questions.

"Brian, he said he was in a coma for weeks before he died. Hooked up to ventilators and shit."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. I didn't get to visit Jesse those few weeks. First I was too sick, then I was just...too fucked up.

I thought...I thought Jesse was with them. That he was okay.

I never knew he got shot. I never listened to Brian...

"Said he didn't suffer, that it was all painless shit. Said he hung on for a while, probably waited for us" he went on explaining "Brian said you were really sick, that's why you couldn't go see him. Busted your ribs and punctured your lung."

"Yeah" I answer, embarrassed and ashamed at the same time.

I should have tried harder...

"Jesse...he didn't die alone. And I'm glad for that, even if it was O'Connor that was with him" Leon went on "I wish...I wish I was there with him. I always wondered what happened after...after Mia left him at the hospital, after Dom came to get her."

"Did he wake up? Look for us?" he confessed "At first I thought he was with you, then Brian showed up, told us the news."

He looked up at me then, his eyes like steel, cold and hard as they met mine.

Leon's never looked at that, ever. And it hurts that I'm the one that put it there.

"When he said that, we thought you were dead too. I mean, that's gotta be the only reason why hadn't shown up, right? Especially when you told me you'd be up in a month." he says "Then he said you got into some serious shit, that you nearly died in the car, punctured your ribs, then had some internal bleeding. But that you were _okay_, that he had a friend who checked up on you, who said you were doing fine. Banged up, but getting better."

"Leon--"

"Six months, Letty. Dom waited for you for a whole month, nearly went catatonic when you still hadn't arrived a week after you were due. We were all fucking nuts until O'Connor came knocking on our door with the fucking news. Two fucking months later."

"Leon--"

"I thought I killed you" he bites back, voice level and dead serious "I had a feeling that something was wrong, that I shouldn't have listened to you and went ahead with my plan to take you to a doctor across the border."

"It's not your fault, Leon!"

"Damn right it's not!" he shouts "Six fucking months Letty, you could have called us! Instead I find out that you've been screwing--"

This time I think I really did sprain my wrist.

"Damn, I'm doing more and more of this shit" I groan, holding my hand

The slap doesn't even faze Leon, who's standing there, trembling in anger.

"You took care of Jesse that I'm grateful for. Brian said you took a risk making the funeral arrangements yourself, but I kind of expected that anyway." he says calmly "I don't hate you Letty, I'm just...fucking angry. Vince, he hates you right now. Says he can't fucking trust you...but the dawgs just for show. He's angry too, and we have a fucking right to be."

I feel like shit right now. Fuck, I feel worse than shit. But Leon's face softens up when he sees just how upset I am over this.

Never say that he guy wasn't sensitive.

"This shit with Street, it's between you and Dom. I ain't gonna interfere. What you did ain't right, but you've put up with worse with Dom. You both fucking cheated and that's yo business, not the teams. I'm sure you have your reasons, but I don't wanna hear it. Just...fix this shit Letty. You and Dom. Coz what I saw today at the garage...the man's fucked up. So you gotta do something about this, before it fucking kills all of us."


	12. Point

It's a twenty minute drive from the fort to the point, fifteen if you take a chance at the speed limit.

No races tonight, so it's just me and the stars, with my car warming my back.

Not a good idea to hang around an abandoned warehouse on your own, especially if you're a girl on top of an expensive car. But it's better to be here than at home.

I didn't see Dom when I left, but I did see Vince.

It wasn't so bad. He looked like he wanted to roundhouse me and hug me at the same time.

The guys spent close to ten hours in the garage, although I don't think they spent most of it working. Brian looked fried when I saw him, like he'd been through another round of interrogations.

I wonder how much he told them, which parts he left out.

It's frigging unfair how, when a girl cheats, it's a universal catastrophe, like angels falling from the sky and landing straight to hell. It's unforgivable.

But when a guy cheats...it's just a fucking glitch. It's wrong, you know it's wrong, they fucking know its wrong, but deep down, everyone kind of fucking lets it slide coz they're guys.

And they'll throw all that fucking bullshit about genetic disposition, survival of the species, or pick up a fucking Cosmopolitan and say all the fucking right things.

It ain't right, but it's fucking society and its bullshit that they get away with.

And its bullshit that I let Dom get away with it, let the rest of the boys get away with it.

I don't know how many times I've seen some girl cry at the races coz she caught her boyfriend banging some skank. I wasn't some special case, it's just that all the skanks were banging their way to Dom.

Some of them stick to their men, some of em don't. Some of them try and get revenge—sometimes using Dom.

All the months that I was with Jim, I never really stopped to think of it as cheating. It felt too good, too right to ever be that.

It was another relationship, where we had ups and downs, we fought and made up, made concessions and decisions...and I just kept thinking: how in the world could this be wrong?

When Dom was out banging his skanks, oblivious to all this?

But at the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. I knew, eventually, that I'd have to give one up. It's was just logic. But you don't think like that when you're in the middle of it all, and you just plain don't want to think about it when you're nearing the end.

I hear the roar of an engine closing in from a distance, and I sit up to see who or what it is.

Its dark out here, but I can make out the candy orange of the Supra making it's way to the middle of the drive.

Shouldn't really be surprised, we've gotten pretty close in the past few months. He'd be first one to know where to find me.

He stops a few inches from my car, a testament to his new and improved driving.

"Nice job, Chumpy" I tell him, not bothering to get up

"Thanks" he answers, coming out of his car "You know you shouldn't just take off like that. Leon's freaked out, thinks he drove you away."

"He didn't" I say "I just...I need to think."

I hear him sit on the hood right next to me, but makes no move to lie down.

"He asked me if Jesse suffered" I told him "He asked me even if he knew I didn't visit. I think he's testing me."

I take my eyes out from the sky and look at him. He's got his feet up on the bumper, and his elbows propped on his knees, contemplating.

"They fucking hate me."

He sighed. "You did cheat Letty, it's a bit natural that they feel betrayed."

"Oh really?" I mutter snidely "I didn't see them giving Dom the cold shoulder whenever he cheated on me. I haven't seen a single guy get busted at the races for cheating on their woman, yet I've seen plenty of girls whose necks nearly got broken coz they got caught with the same thing. Now why the fuck do you think that is?"

He couldn't answer.

Not like I expected him to. Coz if he did, I'm pretty sure he'd have come up with a book by now.

"For what its worth Let, I understand, and Leon is trying to understand, and Dom is taking it quite well."

"And Vince?"

"Well, you know Vince. He's a bit more...stubborn."

I let out a snort, and he kind of chuckles.

"Mia was scared that you'd go missing again. I told her that I knew where you were and I'd come get you, but I wouldn't tell where you were."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. They're still getting used to this, Letty, it's only been a day."

It hit me then.

A day. Just one fucking day, and everything was different.

I shouldn't be surprised, a lot can happen in a day. Heck, a lot can happen in less than that. But somehow, I still can't fucking believe it.

A day.

"Hey Letty?"

"Yeah?"

"You think..." he pauses a bit, looking at his shoes for a bit before turning to face me

"You think the two of us would have gotten to be this close if all that shit hadn't happened?"

I didn't expect that...

I sit up and move next to him by the bumper, copying his position while I thought of my answer.

"To be honest Chumpy...I don't know..."

**Flashback**

It's dark.

Not much light out in this section, but the streetlamp in the corner gives out just enough for me to see the dark stones.

Rows and rows of them, one after the other. Some tall, some small, but somewhere in the middle of them all was Jesse's.

I bit my lip and just stared.

"Which one is it?"

"Third one on the fifth row" Brian told me

I just nodded.

I didn't really want to go out, didn't seem right that way.

The last time I was here...was for my father.

I was seventeen and the whole team was there with me. I'd never met any of my dad's relatives, but the lawyer called them and some of them drove down to see my dad for the last time.

My Tia Letty, whom I'd met only twice in my life, kept me propped up between her and Mia. Dom had attended to the guests while Vince and Leon had miraculously grown up for a day and helped him.

But it was Jesse, who'd been a real kid then at fifteen, that stayed with me at the cemetery long after everyone had left. After I'd told everyone I wanted to be alone.

Not that I did, I just...didn't know what to do. Everybody was trying to do _something _for me, but I wasn't really sure what

Jesse didn't try to do _anything_, he just stayed there, watching me from the Jetta, waiting until I was ready to go home.

"We can go some other time, Letty" Brian said softly and I just looked down at my lap.

I wasn't even there when they buried him. Jim didn't think it was a good idea, and Brian agreed. They let me pay for the lot and pick out a headstone, but they wouldn't let me see him one last time.

Brian started the car and I didn't stop him.

Maybe one of these days, I'll be able to go. But when that happens, I want it to be with my team, my family.

Not on my own, in the dark, with Jesse's laugh still familiar in my ears.

It's around three am, Thursday morning. There's no traffic anywhere, and Brian's navigating through the streets, just wandering around, not really picking a direction. Finally he gets this determined look on his face and does a sharp turn.

"Where are we going?" I ask

"You'll see."

It takes awhile, but we finally get to the point.

Brian parks Richard's Expedition and leans on the steering wheel, looking out at the warehouse.

It's the middle of the week, there were no races tonight. And the lot just looks lonely and desolate as it sits there, devoid of fast cars and young people.

"Looks different" he says

"Everything looks different when it's alone." I murmur

We just kind of sit there, staring at it.

"I think" he suddenly says "That this is the first stock car that's ever parked here since that warehouse closed."

I give him a wry grin. "Yeah. Not even a decal in sight. Wouldn't they love this."

"They'd probably just ignore us..."

"They probably would."

There's another long pause and Brian reaches out, fiddling with the heat.

"Jim's a cool guy" he says "I hope he gets out of the cage, that shit with his partner shouldn't be enough to keep a good cop out of the field."

The tension in the car heightens and I frown.

Brian and I have talked a lot more since Jesse died, and he's looked after me for the most days of his suspension.

And to be honest, I kinda liked Brian, as a person I mean. He was—is—a nice guy.

But just coz I think he's nice and we've been talking, it doesn't mean I won't get pissed when he starts asking about certain things.

"Spit it out, Brian"

"I need to know where you're going on this thing with Jim"

I roll my eyes. "Jesus, you sound like Richard."

"And he's right" he argued "You gotta decide Let. We've tried to stay out of it, but one day you and Jim will have to move on and Let, that day's fast coming."

I open my mouth to say something, but no argument comes out.

What's to argue anyway? I can't go anywhere, not with a warrant out for my head. Not with me still half doped and healing.

"I'm quitting, Letty"

My head snaps up "What?"

"I'm quitting the force. They've cleared me, I'm outta this case. All they're doing right now is putting together some paperwork to sanction me for botching up a case, but even I know that I'll never make it to Detective after this."

His hand tightens on the wheel and his eyes are these chips of ice. I can see how much he's disappointed with this.

This is his whole life that he's throwing away, something he's been after since he was a kid. He told me so. His whole family's in law enforcement and it's really the only thing he's ever known.

Giving this up would almost be like giving them up.

"I'm not sorry for doing it" he says, looking at my face "I haven't been happy with it for a long time and...I thought...I thought of getting out before, but I just...I didn't know what else I could do, you know?"

He bit his lip and looks down, and I almost feel sorry for him.

I know how hard it is to have to live up to other people's expectations. You hate it, but sometimes it makes you feel safe. Secure that everything else has been decided.

"When this case came up, I thought it was a sign that I should stay in. Finally, something I wanted to work on. I'd be out of uniform, in a car, and it'd be the perfect way to make detective real fast. Guess it didn't work out that way huh?"

"Have you told your folks?"

"Yeah...yeah. I told them last week. They're not speaking with me. I talked to Jim and he helped me decide and I just...I wanted to tell you when I was completely sure."

I have this sinking feeling in my stomach, and I just _know_ what he's going to say next.

"I wanna go to Mexico Letty. I need...I need Mia." he says, looking at me "I knew this case was going to change things for me, I just didn't expect it to be this way. I just...I love her Letty. I need to be with her."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

His eyes are pleading with me as he goes on.

"I need to know where they are. No one's figured out where they've run off to, and I never told them it was in Mexico, but I still need to know where" he says "And I know you know where, because you were supposed to follow them, that you're supposed to be with them."

I tear my eyes from his and look out, staring at the inky lot, the tall buildings.

"And how'd you figure that out?"

"You fucking talk too much when you're delusional" he said wryly "Can't blame you though. Richard had to put you down enough to do emergency surgery. You must've been high as a kite those first few days that you came out. Said a lot of nice things. Why'd you think Jim called me up?"

"Coz he's an ass?"

I look down on my hands. They're clean. Haven't had a single grease stain on em for two months. I remember how, when I was a kid, the nuns would get pissed at me for showing up with dirty nails, and they'd drag me off to wash em before the start of class.

...Oh fuck, I'm going to tell him.

**Present**

"So what did you guys talk about today at the garage?"

I turn just in time to see him grimace. "What do you think?"

"Dom give you a hard time?"

"Nah, Dom didn't do much talking" he sighed, rubbing his knuckles "It was Vince who wouldn't shut up, Dom just stayed in the office and Leon just kinda refereed."

This is the first time I noticed that his knuckles are busted. There isn't a mark on his face, and I didn't see any on Vince. Not that I took time to look...

"Jesus, when's V gonna learn that he don't know how to box?" I smirked "You go easy on him Chumpy?"

"On Vince?" he guffawed "Never!"

We laughed a bit, letting the easy banter break the tension.

"Damn, been a long time since the two of us got to talk like this." he said

"Yeah...yeah."

Vince and I, we grew up together. But it had always been that Vince was Dom's best friend, and I was sort of the girl he looked after, coz I'd always been around. Then Leon and Jesse came, and Leon looked after me coz I was Dom's girl, and Dom ruled. And Jesse and I looked after each other coz we were the two kids.

But I'd never really had a big brother until Brian came.

I mean, it's not because he's protective of me or anything, but because he understood. He was there when all of this shit happened, and he knew Jim well enough not to judge me for what I did.

"Dom really loves you, Let."

I gave out a snort.

"He does" he answered "And Jim does, too."

"Why do we always have to talk about this shit when we're here?"

"Coz this is the point, Let. This is where it all started."

**Flashback**

We're sitting on the hood of the Mustang, a pack of Corona's between the two of us.

There's three more left. He's had two and I'm still nursing one, though I don't think I can have any more.

Richard's stopped most of the hard meds. I'm just on muscle relaxants now. Not as good, but it's better than having none.

"So when's Jim comin' back again?" Brian asked, kicking on some beer bottle that some racer left her last night

"Tomorrow. That job at the cage is killin' him." I answer, picking at the label of my Corona "But at least he's safe."

Brian looks at me "Is that why you broke it off?"

I shrugged. "Well, it's one of them."

The air shifts and Brian takes another swig. "He's SWAT let, he'll always be SWAT. What he is, what he wants."

"I know" I murmur "There was also the team...Dom. He needed me."

"Okay" he nods, fumbling with the piece of paper that I handed to him earlier this night.

I've thought about this for the past two weeks, ever since we buried Jesse.

Brian looks like an amputated dog and it's just...it's sick. Seeing him so...lost. Incomplete. I knew I was going to give in...I just didn't think it would be this soon.

"Don't you think he needs you now?"

"What?"

"Dom" he stated, holding up the piece of paper "Don't you think he needs you now..."

I close my eyes. I think I'm coming down with a headache.

I know he's going to be gone tomorrow. He's been packed for weeks. And Richard's going to be in some three month fellowship in Boston.

This is it now...I'm gonna have to make a decision.

"I know Dom needs me" I answer, taking a deep breathe "But Jim needs me more"


	13. Comparisons

Vince once asked me who I thought was better.

It didn't surprise me that he asked, I'm sure everyone's dying to know, even Dom and Jim.

You can always tell when people feel like asking. They try to put this blank look on their face to make it seem like everything's okay with them, but you can see in their eyes they're busting a gut not asking.

But Vince, being Vince, didn't think it was rude. He's always in trouble for not being able to shut up, but it also makes him pretty fucking honest. And he expects the same thing from the people he meets.

So when he got the guts to ask, I answered.

No one was. There wasn't anything there that I could compare. I loved them both, as a lover and as a friend, even if as people they were different.

I didn't choose one because I thought they were a better lover, or a better friend, or a million different things that people seem to judge others with.

I chose what I felt was right.

I could have lived with either of them and have been happy. I don't doubt that.

But I was a different person to either of them, and in the end I had to ask myself: who was it that I wanted to be?

**

* * *

**

**Present**

It was a little past two when Brian and I finally got home. Tired but happy, the two of us made our way to beds, glad at least that we didn't have to drag this thing with us anymore.

Brian told me that he didn't know how long he could have kept this from Mia, especially if he was looking to marrying her.

And to be honest, I'm done with how this came out. I don't know how I would have told Dom or the team. I don't think there was any way to make this sound better.

So I went to bed a little lighter, until I realized that I was supposed to meet with Jim in a few hours.

That kept me awake for another hour, wondering what might happen, what it was that he wanted to say.

So morning came extra early for me, starting with the sound of someone trying to break their car door before the sped off for work.

_Work!_

"Oh shit!" I yelled, scrambling off the bed.

I had exactly fifteen minutes to eat breakfast, take a shower, and head off to work.

Not that I really needed to worry. One of the advantages of going to work in a garage that you and your friends own is that you can pretty much take control of your own hours. So long as you put in the hours and get the work done, none of us really gave a shit on whether or not you were on time.

And we could do that, be late for work I mean, but I learned long ago from watching Tony that even if you were your own boss, you had to respect your job if you wanted your people to respect you.

Because of that, Dom, Vince, Mia and I developed a work ethic that Leon and Jesse seemed to pick up.

I'd already taken yesterday off, it wouldn't look too good if I came in late. Even if Brian told me they would understand, I couldn't really avoid them forever.

The house was already empty when I came up. The boys had already left for work and Mia's been up for hours before she came to school.

I took a quick shower before slowing down to dress up in mine and Dom's bedroom.

I sat on the bed for a few moments, just looking around. I'd only been sleeping in Jesse's room for a night and the room already feels different. This is the longest that Dom and I haven't been with each other and still be in the same house...and I miss him.

I stayed for a minute more before running down the stairs to grab a power breakfast, hoping that Mia left me enough leftovers from last nights dinner.

But soon as I entered the kitchen, I saw that she left me more than just last nights dinner, she made me a full spread.

I blinked and just stood there, not really believing that I could have all this food.

And it wasn't even my birthday.

"Wow" I breathed

"You can say that again."

I whirled around and saw Dom coming in, plastic bag in his hand.

"Enjoy it, Leon made it" he said "Says it's his way of apologizing"

My jaw must have dropped to the floor. "He didn't have to do that."

"He wanted to" Dom answered "Besides, it made Mia happy knowing that somebody else knows how to cook breakfast around here."

He put the bag down the counter and pulled out a chair.

"C'mon, eat. Nothing in there that'll kill you."

I sat down and watched as Dom pulled out a milk container from a bag, putting it in front of me.

"We ran out this morning and I know you don't like coffee so I thought...I thought I'd get you one."

_Okay..._

Eggs benedict, bacon, sausages, pancakes, a frigging bowl of sliced fruit and now Dom pouring me a glass of milk...

"You don't have to do that" I tell him, taking the carton and doing it myself "Why don't you, uh, go eat"

"I already ate" he said, but sat down in front of me anyway "Brian told me you came in pretty late, so I thought I'd let you sleep in."

"Oh" I mumble, stacking my plates high with pancakes and drenching it with syrup, fixing another plate with sausages and eggs

And it all looked surreal. Sitting here in our sun drenched kitchen, the room smelling like coffee, staring at pretty food while my boyfriend watches me eat.

But see, that doesn't fucking happen here. Not in this house. Nothing in this house is surreal, or slow for that matter. No one ever takes a break, least of all, Dom.

"Uh, I can't eat with you watching me Dom" I told him

He sort of snaps to and makes himself a bowl of fruit, giving me a rather sheepish smile to dull the awkward moment.

And what a fucking awkward moment it is. It's like one of those British sitcoms where they all stand there pretending that they don't see the bear standing in the middle of the living room.

And from what I can recall, the scene always ends when the fucking bear tries to eat them all...

Well, we have to start somewhere...I take a few bites then look at him, watching him pick with his food before taking a bite.

"You okay Dom?"

He stops for a moment and just shrugs.

"I don't really know Let" he answers "Depends on what you'd call okay, I guess"

Not really the best of answers, but at least he was being honest. And that's really what we need right now.

"Look, I know this sucks, but--"

"I just miss you Let" he cuts in "I just miss you."

I can almost say that time stopped as the wind is knocked right out of me.

One day, I'm going to have to ask Dom how he does that. Maybe it's something you're born with, but it couldn't hurt just knowing how the hell he comes up with these breath stopping statements.

"Dom, I..." I swallow thickly "Dom, I miss you too, but we both know that this wasn't going to be easy."

He sighs, and for the first time this morning I notice the tired look in his eyes.

"I know it's just...I didn't really get enough sleep" he says "Leon and V got into this stupid fight last night and Mia asked me to shut them up so she could study. Refereeing lasted most of the evening. That and the beds just too big without you and...I couldn't really sleep."

Wow. Two in a row, Dom. Two in a row.

"I couldn't really sleep either" I manage "Jesse's bed is too small, you know that? Must be why he always did it in the living room."

He let out a snort. "Jesus, that kid and his surprises."

"Remember that one time when you told him to get a room? And--"

"He moved to ours?" he finished "I don't think that kids ever done it without someone walking into them."

"Well, he could have tried the basement, but the bed's too small and floors just fucking too cold."

"Must be why Leon started bunking in with V" he said

"Coz V always goes down on some hoes bed" I finished for him

It was a pretty funny joke...until I thought of all those girls.

How many of them were really hoes...and how many of them really cared about V? Or even Leon, for that matter. Pretty ridiculous, but there are those that do, and I know that because some of them are my friends...

It kind of makes me wonder what'll happen once they get tired of it...I mean, it has to happen, right? One of these days, them two dawgs are going to have to grow up and move out and things will be different...

"What are you thinking?"

I looked up at Dom, surprised.

"You know, that's the first time you've ever asked me that."

Now he was the one surprised. He kind of leaned back, shaking his head with a cocky grin on his face.

"Nah...no way. C'mon, I always ask you what you're thinking"

"If it's about a car" I answered "If it's about some race, or what movie I wanna see. But never about how I feel."

This time, he was dumbfounded, because _I_ never told Dom _how I felt_.

When things started getting bad, I just kept things to myself. I never really said anything, always just acted out, thinking he'd get the hint and figure things out himself.

"You used to ask me, before, when you got out of Lompoc. When we were just starting, you asked me that a lot."

"And you talked to me" he answered, simply. He fiddled with his hands a bit before moving forward, putting his elbows on the table, his head moving towards his clasped hands.

I didn't say anything. I thought he was praying, but he looked up and out the window, just thinking...remembering, I guess.

"We used to talk a lot" I told him "I still remember what it was like to be this kid who followed you around...and when you got out of Lompoc, and you stared asking me all these questions...it made me feel like I was special. Because you wanted to know how I felt. And you never cared to ask me that before, when I was a kid."

I pushed my plate away, suddenly losing my appetite.

"I knew you wanted me, and in the beginning I just couldn't figure out why. You could have any girl--"

He looked up then, this pained look on his face.

"Letty--" he started

"No, I know that." I said "I'm not the prettiest girl on the block, and you always...you always had pretty girls, ever since we were kids. Even when I was ten, I remember thinking 'if I could just be that pretty girl'...but I knew I just wasn't like that. And when you started talking to me... I thought maybe I could be. Be that pretty girl, be _your_ girl"

I looked at him, wanting him to see that I was trying, that this was difficult for me too.

"Only, I had one up over them, because I knew _you, _the real you. Watched you grow up. Knew the things you liked. What made you hurt, what made you happy. They all wanted you because you were Dominic Torreto, this legend, the King of the Streets. They were all chasing after a myth...but I was after the real man. And I thought, if you could just see that--"

"And I did" Dom cut in "I knew from the start Letty, that you were the real thing."

Somehow, our hands found each other across the table. I watched as his big hand engulfed mine, felt his thumb lightly running through my knuckles.

_This is it...this was what we lost..._

"You were a kid when I left, but I knew then that you were someone special, that you'd always be in my life. I thought about you when I was in jail, how you were doing, what you were like. I wished you the best in there, because to me you were always my little sister, and I guess for along time I just thought of you as that."

"Then I came back home...and there you were, all grown up. And you talked to me...the way you always talked to me. Everyone else was treating me like I was either some sort of ex-convict or anti-hero, but you...you treated me like Dom. And I really needed that. I started to see you then, Letty"

His grip tightened, and my hands closed on his.

He was talking, and I was listening. And _I _was talking, and _he_ was listening. About a past that we thought was just gone.

I don't remember a lot from when Dom came home, only that I felt relieved, liberated. Like I was the one who got out of jail and thought "finally, my life can go on."

"But it didn't take much long for me to fade" I answered "Was I just a new thing, Dom? Was that why you went back to screwing all those girls?"

He shook his head. "No...yes...I...I don't really know. I just...everyone else had moved on in their lives and I...I was still stuck in that nightmare. I guess I wanted things like the way they were before..."

"When you had everything" I said "Racer King. When you were on top of your game, owned every racer in every street, and could have any woman."

"But I just wanted you, Let. I always just wanted you" he finished

"You were right, you were never one of the pretty girls. You spoke your mind, you were always smart. You never took shit from nobody from the streets. You never hesitated in giving your opinion, you always kept things real and that to me made you beautiful..."

That made me smile.

This is the most honest conversation that we've had in a long time. It was taking a lot from the both of us, but hey. You get what you give, and with this much at stake, we're both willing to sacrifice a lot to make that risk.

And it's not Jesus, and it's not even frigging nine thirty.

"When we get home" he said "We're going to talk about this you not thinking your pretty bullshit."

His eyes were shining, so bright as they looked at me that I thought I was just luminous.

"Not pretty? Jesus woman, have you looked in the mirror? If I wasn't the King of the Streets, I'd have to get thrown back in Lompoc for beating guys off of ya"

I laughed at an image of Dom beating of my hapless "suitors".

"Seriously Let" he said "Later, when we get back from the races, we are going to start fixing this."

I winced as I remember my "appointment" for this evening.

"I can't go to the races tonight, Dom. Jim and I are going out...he wants to talk to me about something."

The light dimmed in his eyes and I can feel the tension creeping back in.

Welcome to reality Letty. Here's the door. Feel free to go whenever you feel like dreaming.

"What time are you leaving?"

"He said he'd call first, but he'll probably pick me up after work which is sometime around six."

I know he wants to say no, but he just nods. He's going to have to learn to trust me if this is going to work, and I'm going to have to learn how to trust him.

"Hey" I tell him "It's going to be okay. I'll be back."

His grip on my hand doesn't loosen, but I can feel the doubt pouring off of him...I know that, because I'm worried too.

* * *

Authors Notes: Yes, I do know how this is going to end. The final chapters are pretty much done, I just have to polish and post them. And don't worry Eli, I won't toss Jim out...Actually, I can't toss Jim out since the story is pretty much about, well, Jim and Letty. :D And though it's not like me to explain, there is a reason why our two leading men had to take a step back and let some secondary characters in...More Johnny Strong for one. That guy's hot! 


	14. Suspension

What's that shit they say? That life is like a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs?

I don't know whether I hate that fucking saying because it's so fucking cliché or because it describes my life so fucking well.

Not only do I have my more than my fair share of ups and downs, but it's doing all that in 2G's.

Fast and furious, don't think I've ever had it any other way. I lived for speed, never once slowed down. Not since I walked down that street with my dad and started my life with the Toretto's.

I don't really want it to change, but sometimes…sometimes you just wonder you know?

Like what would life be like if it were slower?

As a kid, I used to think of it as living in a small yellow house with white picket fences. A dog and three kids, a two car garage with an SUV and a luxury vehicle…regular nine to five jobs and kids who's only problem was schoolwork and how to fill their social calendar…walks in the park, Sunday mass, and a vacation in Hawaii every two years.

Normal.

I don't think I've even had a normal vacation. Not something that didn't involve cars or car parts or auto-shows or a rave or someone throwing up. To just relax, and not sit there with your guts twisting because you're fucking waiting for the cops to come busting through your door.

Normal.

I've stopped wishing for normal. I used to want it so badly when I was younger, but I've come to accept that I don't think I was ever cut out to be that. Don't even think I could ever live like that.

Truth? Mediocrity scares the shit out of me.

But still…some days I think about what it's like. To have days to myself…to have life slow down for one minute, one second. To have a moment of clarity just so I can at least see where I'm heading.

**

* * *

Flashback**

You ever get those times when everything clicks? Like for once, the universe is working for you instead of against you?

This…this is one of them.

"What are you thinking?"

I feel a jolt down my spine when I feel Jim's warm breath in my ear. His hand automatically comes up and rubs my shoulders, trying to create some heat.

"Nothin' big" I smiled "Just that I missed going out, being out…walking around…I'm just…relieved"

His brows furrow and he let's out this huge sigh. "I'm really sorry for that Let, but with everything going on, we thought it was better for you to stay in until things settled down a bit."

I bit my lip.

All throughout the day, while we were going around the city—eating, window shopping, just walking around—I couldn't believe that it was all real.

I looked over at him and braved the questions that I'd wanted to ask for a long time.

"Have you heard from Brian?" I asked

He nodded. "Yeah, he called yesterday. Payphone. He says without his or the truck driver's statement the bureau doesn't have a case."

I swallowed, hoping for some good news. It would be a shame to ruin such a perfect day. "Can't they make him talk or something? Like serve him a subpoena?"

"No. Brian's done his job for the force, and the truck driver's not going to talk without admitting that he was in possession of an illegal firearm, not to mention that shit he was moving."

Of course.

High priced stereos and DVD's can only go so far, this last truck was _the _mother load, with enough contraband good to have the FBI, customs, and the DEA to be all over it.

At first, I didn't really care about what we stole. We only found out what trucks to hit on the day of a bust and took whatever was in it. No questions asked.

It's was like opening a present, we never really knew what we got until we opened that truck door.

There were a lot of DVDs, flat screens, and pricey stereos. That was easy, that kinda shit is easy to move. We simply dropped them off to our dealer and paid us.

We could have paid off the mortgage after that first bust, but we didn't want to draw attention to ourselves by making any outstanding purchases.

So we split the money up and started with little things.

Mia's tuition. Stuff for the garage. Shit for our cars. We saved some, but Dom started betting higher on races, and soon we were racing too, and we needed money for that.

Amazing how fast money can spoil you.

I thought things would be better after the first time but it wasn't. If anything, it got worse. Because this time it wasn't about need, it was about _wants. _Wanting more money, fast money.

And we just kept doing it and doing it…it doesn't get easier, stealing. But you learn how to numb things, to make yourself forget. To push the guilt out of your head and twist logic so that for ten minutes, what your doing makes sense.

Pretty soon, we were finding more interesting things mixed with our precious cargo: liquor, guns, drugs. Not enough to make it significant, but enough to make you think.

The last bust was carrying a lot of "delicates". We didn't know what was in it, but we were told in advance how much it was worth, and no way could a bunch of appliances amount to that much.

Looking back, I don't know which one was more stupid, following blindly after Dom, stealing or pretending that everything I did was fine.

"It's over Letty" Jim said, breaking into my thoughts "Without any evidence or a witness, this case is gonna be buried in paperwork…"

I blinked, the words not really sinking in…

"All we need is a little inside shuffle and you guys can walk out with a slap in the hand for reckless driving."

"And Tran?" I asked "What about him?"

His brow furrowed. "Johnny Tran's got his own shit, he can just afford better cover. With him dead and his inside man out of a payroll, it won't be too hard to dig something out for him."

I couldn't believe it. I can almost hear gears turning and locking inside my head…

"Brian's got a friend in Evidence who can lose some shit, and I know someone from the Bureau--"

"Okay, stop" I immediately said "Jim, don't drag yourself into this. I don't want you to get involved--"

"I already am" he answered "Unless you already forgot that I took you in as a wanted criminal."

That didn't stop me though, and I tightened my grip on his shoulder.

"Don't" I told him "I can't…you've already done so much. I can't ask you for anything more Jim. You're putting yourself at risk. Fuck Jim, think about your career!"

The moment the words flew out of my mouth, I knew I said the wrong thing. His face immediately darkened and he turned away, looking out at the city at night.

Today wasn't just a break for me, but for Jim too.

We'd been so focused on my recovery that I'd forgotten to ask about Jim.

Things…haven't been the same since we last saw each other. I didn't think that much could change in a year and a half, but considering what just happened to me it would be stupid to assume that it couldn't happen to other people.

Not that our lives were like most peoples.

I didn't want to ask about what happened. Most of the information I got from Brian and Richard, but it's enough for me to know what exactly happened.

At this point, I'm more interested in how he is. Maybe someday he'll tell me what happened, but right now knowing is enough. Even if it hurts that he didn't tell me, I at least understand why and that's enough for me.

"That's not important right now" he says, running his hand on his spiky hair

I opened my mouth to protest, but the look on his face made me stop.

The bright lights brought in little illumination, but it was full moon tonight and I could see every little detail on his face. And he…

He looked like Jim. For the first time since I'd seen him again, he didn't look tired, or worn, or frustrated or disappointed.

He looked like Jim, my Jim, that I left standing in front of a pub, hope lingering on his face as I watched him from my rearview mirror, for what I'd thought was the last time.

"I've had…I've had a life, Letty. Without you. I knew I had one before you, but after the two of us…I couldn't remember what it was like. It's as if you were there from the beginning and I just didn't know it…"

My breathe caught and I thought I was going to pass out…blood rushed to my ears with his confession and for a moment I felt trapped.

"Lara was everything you weren't, but she was everything I'd wanted. She was…she was the type of girl I went for before I met you."

_Lara…_

So that was her name. Some days, usually in the early morning when he's just woken up after a two day shift, he calls me Lara.

Not that I mind, I was glad that Jim was able to find someone. That it didn't last long made me feel…triumphant, and disappointed at the same time.

I didn't want Jim hurt, but anyone or anything. I didn't care if I wasn't the one with him, I just wanted him to be happy.

"Her brothers SWAT and her dad's a retired cop, so she knew what it was like. Didn't really mind the late nights, the 24 hour calls…"

I nodded.

This was a girl who understood his world, something which I couldn't even begin to imagine as being a part of.

That she left when he was at his lowest point pissed me off…but now wasn't really the time to bring that up.

"Jim, you don't have to explain…" I said

"No, but I need to" he said "A lot of shit went on after you left, Let. Things were great for awhile, but when Gamble happened…"

I flinched. "I'm sorry about that. Never really liked the guy…"

He sighed. "He was okay, Let. He just let it get in his head, that's all. It's just…I didn't need to lose another friend. Brian was my partner for most of my time in Metro. He trusted me."

I realized then why he always insisted on calling Brian "Chumpy" or "O'Connor".

I thought Gamble was a jerk, but he was Jim's partner. Jim never said anything, but even then, I could sense this strong bond between the two of them. They were a unit, and they carried that unit from the dregs of Metro to the elite levels of SWAT.

Trust was the number one thing that kept them alive, whether in or out of uniform. And now that trust was forever broken.

"I know partners are supposed to watch each other's backs, but that doesn't mean you have to shovel up his crap" I told him "You guys function as a team, I get that, but there's a limit to sharing each others culpability"

I stared out at the city, remember a certain partnership of my own forged by fate, blood and time.

"_He_ made a mistake Jim, one that could have cost the lives of a lot of other people—including yours. You think he was thinking about your ass every time he disobeyed orders?"

He was looking down at his boots. I know he knows that I'm right. Fuck, I know he knows all the shit that I'm saying, he wouldn't have stuck with the cage if he didn't.

He just needed someone to make him realize it.

"Someday, we'll look back…" I started, my voice trailing off…

Shit, I don't think there will ever come a time where the two of us will be able to look back and laugh at this…roll our eyes with stupidity maybe, but mostly…

This is the kind of shit that you want to repress from your memories…the kind of shit that you want to run away from…

This was the kind of shit that made you change who you were, and question who you want to be…

I gave him a wry grin. "I guess we don't have much like with Brian's, huh?"

He snorted. "At least yours turned out okay. I don't think this thing with Gamble can be fixed."

"But we can forget" I blurted out

His head snapped back to me, his eyes boring into mine…

I knew that by next month, Johnny Tran would be exposed for all those underground deals he managed to make and we'd be nothing but a folder in the FBI's cold files.

By next month, Jim would be ending his probation and he would be eligible to either re-apply for SWAT or file for a more regular schedule in the gun cage.

By next month, I could come out of hiding. Go to the traffic court, pay a ridiculous fine, and have my life back for three thousand dollars.

By next month…I could be free.

**

* * *

Author's Notes: **This one's a bit short, but don't worry. We're close to the end people, so barring any complications from real life, updates should speed up. And Steph! Thanks for reading this girl. It makes me feel extremely proud that I managed to make someone crossover from another category. I promise to update 'Remember'. (I'm sure that after I'm done with this, I've got all the Vin Diesel research I need to beef up Jake's role.)


	15. Illusions

Everyone gets this moment in their lives that they wish would go on forever.

First time I got into my Silvia. Mia crying on my high school graduation. The look on Vince's face the first time he won a race on the Maxima. Jesse happily fixing a car. The day Tony started teaching me about cars. The night Dom and I made love. The first engine I'd ever rebuilt on my own. Mine and Jim's first official date. Leon on his first time at Race Wars…

So many of them hiding in my fucked up childhood.

Even then, I still feel lucky. I could have ended up worse in so many ways. I don't know how things worked out this way, or why.

The heist made me think of all the times I could have crashed myself in a ditch or be dead on a street from an OD or a drive by.

My life may not have been perfect, but some days, you're reminded that it could have gone in so many other ways.

I do have one memory that stands out.

The year that I lived with the Toretto's…my dad was away a lot. Both he and Tony told me he was out on business, but I never believed either of them. I was twelve and I was a raging self-centered bitch. Seriously. I don't think I cared about anything during that time except maybe myself.

Anyway, I didn't know it then, but he really was away on business. Turns out that his company promoted him into this position that required a lot of travel, and he took it because according to Dom, it paid a hecka lot. I thought it was bull because we didn't need the money. We had enough. But I guess he wanted to save because…maybe because he had an idea of things to come.

But that year…that year was pure hell.

Mia had just started high school. She had all these new friends and they went out a lot. Dom and Vince just got their licenses and they were hardly ever home. If they weren't at the garage fixing a car, they were out racing a car with about ten dozen girls following them around.

That's the year that I started getting serious about cars.

I mean, I've always been into them. My dad is a good mechanic and living with Tony…it was just inevitable. So I was always crawling in some engine or pretending I was going around in the Charger.

But until then, they were just…cars. I liked them, but passionate about them. Not like Dom, or Vince or Tony. I was happy to be in one, but I didn't feel the need or the rush that I do today.

But that year…that year, everyone had grown up and somehow I was just…left behind. It wasn't anyone's fault, it was just the way things were. And with me hitting puberty, moving into a new house, getting used to middle school, and then feeling like the third wheel midget…I was a fucking wreck.

And Tony was trying to ease things by bringing me to the garage more often to help out. Didn't matter if it was learning to do the books, changing oil or just sitting there handing out tools, it was just doing anything to keep me from topping out.

So after school everyday, Dom or Tony would pick me up and we'd head back to the garage. I'd change out of my uniform and just dig in to whatever it was they wanted to do.

It wasn't the most perfect of routines. Since most of the time, Mia would drop by from the store with one of her flakey friends, asking for money and a ride to the mall. Which Dom would or Vince would gladly offer, never mind that it was a bunch of fourteen or fifteen year old girls.

And even though I hated the mall, squealing girls, or hormonally charged Dom and Vince, it still fucking pissed me off that _nobody_ asked me.

Anyway, one day Vince came by to pick me up. It was a Friday, and it was one of those Friday's where the only thing you wanted to do was to go home and crawl to bed because you had a really crappy week.

Vince came by in his dad's battered old Buick and told me that I needed to get back at the garage. He, Dom and Tony were fixing a last minute problem that had come up one of Tony's race cars and they were going to pull an overnighter trying to fix it at the tracks.

I didn't have much time to complain.

We got to the garage at ten minutes flat and he tossed my backpack out with me before slamming the door and heading out.

I trudged into the garage with a scowl on my face, dragging my book bag as I actually dreaded working on a car. The situation even worse since Dom, Vince and Tony were out so I couldn't really talk to anyone and I saw Mia was busy entertaining one of her friends at the store.

I got to the garage, trying to see which of Tony's mechanic was left to watch over me, when I saw a familiar pair of work boots peaking out from underneath a dusty yellow Camaro Z28.

My jaw must have dropped as loudly as my books, because he crawled out as soon as I'd stepped in.

I can still remember his face, grease stained and shining as he looked at me frozen by the entrance.

"Leticia, just the girl I wanted to see" his voice, clear and sober, boomed "I'm a bit rusty with my engines, so go change out of your uniform and help me with this car. I need a brilliant assistant and nothing can be better than my girl."

I could have fucking died happy right there.

It didn't matter that I fuck-ass hated him. That this was the first time I'd seen him in ten months and the first time in a long time that I'd ever talked to him straight sober.

It was…my dad. And no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I missed him.

He'd come home to surprise me on my crappy day, then helped me fix a really hot car that could have been relegated to one of the other mechanics.

I remember just sitting there in my coveralls, handing him tools as he made jokes about trying to recapture his youth by fixing this car himself and then asking me all sorts of questions about school.

The sun was just beginning to set and it streamed down in the garage, warming up the settling evening. We had cokes and sandwiches on the side, and I was just…too stunned to be angry.

Things went on for like that for a whole weekend. It turns out Tony knew about him coming home and thought I could use some time with my dad.

I would have been pissed for missing his first pro-race tournament, but somehow it didn't matter. I was with my dad, and he was talking to me, and I was talking to him, and we were working on a car, and we were having a rare time. And I remember wishing, over and over…

That things would always be like that. Never mind that my mother left, or that I was having a difficult time in the school that he was fucking paying for, or that Dom and Mia were beginning to out grow me…it didn't fucking matter.

I wished that things would be like that forever. That it would go on and on… Yeah, I knew it would never last. It never did, not with me and my dad, with Mia or with Dom. But the longer we stayed in that garaged, the more I began to hope…

To wish that it could go longer, that things would always be this…perfect.

I went home both weekends and I cooked for my dad. First time in a long time that I'd had dinner in my own house and it was awesome. But when Sunday came in and we ate dinner at the Toretto's, I knew then that it was over.

…A lot of things happened between that time and the day he died. They weren't all bad, some of them were really good, but none have ever been that perfect.

* * *

**Present**

The tension in the garage was so high that I felt like hanging myself around noon.

No one said anything when Dom and I walked in.

No one. Not a 'hi' from Brian, a grunt from Vince, or even Leon asking me about breakfast.

They all just looked up, stared, and then went back to doing their own thing. I think they were afraid to talk.

I don't blame them. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn't know what to fucking say to me either.

I went back to the Civic that I'd been working on and tried to lose myself in repairs. Try and block it all out.

It worked, in a way. When lunch rolled by, Mia came in with some sandwiches and we all sat down on a bench silently waged a speed eating contest.

Vince won. Two turkey sandwiches in ten minutes. Leon was a close second. Would have come first but he fucking choked.

The rest of the day passed in this awkward silence. There was very little talk besides asking for the occasional wrench.

Dom spent the afternoon hiding in the office, doing paperwork. He hates paperwork, but right now, anything was better than being stuck in the garage.

The situation was making me nervous. To top it all up, I was worried about what to say to Jim.

**

* * *

Flashback**

I sighed as I loaded the last bag into the car. I don't think I've ever shopped that hard in my whole life, not even in one of Mia's super sprees.

I hate shopping, and I fucking hate the mall. Even Dom thought I was nuts when I flipped over the idea of online shopping. I just hate having to go there and try shit up and have to deal with all those fucking people…it gets to be a bit claustrophobic sometimes.

But today…today was different. After being cooped up for the past four months, I craved human interaction.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social or anything, I just…really hate being surrounded by strangers. At Race Wars or auto shows, I usually just hung out by the tent with the guys. The people I meet are all introduced to me by the team and it's rare that I actually seek them out.

But just yesterday I was half-tempted to buy one of those crappy sets of tools sold on the phone just to keep the telemarketer on the line. I haven't talked to another human being in months…the last time being the people I spoke to for Jesse's funeral arrangements.

"That all of it?"

I nearly jumped as I heard the trunk slam close and Jim letting out a huge sigh.

The guy just was built to shop. Technically, so am I and guys in general, but Jim…Jim's more like a drive-thru shopper. He needs, he sees, he gets it, he gets out. He even checks him time.

What you get when you shop with a fucking SWAT cop.

"Yeah, that's all of it."

"Good" he smirks "Coz I don't think the car can hold anything more."

I laugh and look at the cramped back seat. I've just bought…everything. Groceries. Clothes. Books. A toaster.

With Richard's fellowship almost through, we decided to take a look at the state of Jim's apartment and maybe even try living there for a few days.

A day into the three day trial and I realized that there was no way that I could fucking live in it.

Jim always lived like a fucking bachelor, but with us shacking up at the beach house and him getting a dog…his apartment is a fucking wreck.

I've lived with four frigging guys…fuck, four frigging mechanics in the same house and it was never as bad as this. Of course, they had Mia and me, but that was a _house_. This was a one bedroom apartment with a galley kitchen and a fucking cubby for a living room.

How hard was it to vacuum? Or to identify now toxic food in the fridge or scrubbing up the bathroom? Not to mention looking after the fucking dog?

Okay, maybe the dog ain't easy, especially a big dog…

I never thought I'd be the type to turn domestic, but I was out cleaning the minute I could get Roxy out the door.

Turned the damn place inside out until I was satisfied, gave Roxy a bath and the apartment another once over and started making a list.

Of course, it took a week to convince Jim to actually venture out and do the shopping with me.

He's still mulling out the decision to stick with the gun cage while I still…

…What the hell was I still doing?

I was cooking, cleaning, shopping. Home with a man and a dog, a car and a fuckass beach house…

"Letty?"

I snapped out of my reverie and look at him from where he's watching me over the hood of the car. At first, I'm fucking confused on what he's doing on the passenger side and looking at me damn funny, until I realized I've got the car keys.

I shake the fog from my head and smile at him.

I was bored the past few weeks and decided to…tweak out his car. Nothing really big. But it's always been Tony's belief, and therefore my dog-damn sacred duty, to never leave a muscle—even one as butt-ugly as Jim's—untouched.

I smiled as I unlocked the car and let him in.

I did another check on my mirrors before I turned and gave him a wry grin.

"Hey Jim"

"Yeah?" he asked, buckling himself in

"Wanna go for a ride?"

**

* * *

Present**

I left the garage at around five to get ready for my date.

I stopped by the office to tell Dom that I'd be heading out then nodded to each of the guys before leaving.

I didn't wait to see what any of their reactions were. I don't think I could have. I was so nervous I felt like throwing up.

I spent most of my time in the shower, scrubbing off the grit and grime from the garage. I didn't have much time, but I didn't want to meet Jim and smell like motor oil…well, mostly like motor oil. I don't think I can ever get rid of that lingering smell, but I like it.

It tells people who I am, what I'm from, what I do, and that I'm proud of it.

I'd already picked an outfit from Dom's room and was running around trying to get dressed when I heard a car over outside.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

I was about to run up half-made when I heard the familiar roar of another set of engines power down, then hearing footsteps clomp all over the house.

"It's just the boys" I told myself, plopping down Jesse's bed to put on my boots

Can't say I'm relieved though. I don't honestly know which one I prefer: being late, or having the boys meet Jim again, this time with the full knowledge that I once dated him…behind Dom's back.

Someday…they're going to have to forgive me for what I did. I know they'll never forget it, and I don't expect them to.

I've never forgotten any of Dom's indiscretions, even if it hurts, I just…can't. But I forgave him, every damn time. Took him back, loved him again.

And he'll forgive me for this. With Dom's pride, it won't be easy, but he will. He at least owes me that much. But to forget…

He will never forget, he will always remember. Dom likes to keep the scars from all his wounds, and he never really buries hatred. Doesn't completely forget hurt. He told me once that he was like that because he wanted to be reminded of all the good in his life. That by seeing the bad, he's reminded of how incredibly lucky he is…in a lot of respects.

I have to wonder though, if he'll want to be reminded of this.

He might forgive, but not being to forget about something like this…I'm sure we can move on from this, but as what? Lovers? Friends?

I laced my boots and stood up, my feet automatically trudging up the stairs.

I can't think about this right now. Too much to handle at the same time.

I just…I just have to get through this one thing with Jim first. And maybe, in a couple of hours…days…I'll be able to function again. To think.

I just need to regroup…

I reach the living room and notice that there's no one there. Good. The living room is the fucking nexus of this house. When we get home, we all usually crash here until one of us can't stand the hunger and actually helps Mia set up for dinner…although most of the time, that someone is me.

I hurry up to the front steps, deciding to just wait up for Jim and maybe get him out before any of the guys sees him.

My heart fucking drops when I see a familiar blue convertible parked in front of the house.

_Jim…_

So he did already get here…only here the fuck is he?!?!

I run towards the back door and catch a glimpse of Vince and Leon sitting on the picnic table and looking at something.

"This cannot be fucking good" I mutter as I reach the door.

Okay, _now _I can have a heart attack.

"What the fuck?!"

I fucking cannot believe my eyes, or even the fact that this is fucking happening.

There's Jim, dressed in his plaid civvies, heading out to the white shed that used to house the Charger…with Dom.

_Oh, shit._


	16. Choices

**Flashback**

You ever had one of those gut feelings when you're about to answer the phone?

You know, the ones that say "answer and you'll fucking ruin your day"

…but you fucking pick up because you think it's something important?

Jim and I are having a rare afternoon just vegging out in bed, watching DVDs when the phone rang.

The two of us tried to annoy the other in answering the phone, but in the end he pushed me of the bed and that was it. It's bloody comedic, but we're both lazy.

We seldom get to stay at home like this, and so when we do find the time, we try and make the most of it: no going out, no more tinkering with the cars for me, no checking up at work for him, and absolutely no Roxy for the both of us.

"And get me a beer while you're at it, babe!" he yells through the door

"Fuck you!" I yell back, reaching for the cordless we'd conveniently left in the kitchen "Drag your lazy ass out here and get it your fucking self!"

I can hear him chuckle then close the door, drowning out the noise from the TV as I thumb the talk button.

"Hello?" I answer, smiling

I almost drop the phone when I hear the voice on the other line.

"Letty?"

**

* * *

Present**

The blood rushed out of my face as soon as I tried to step out of the house. My mind just keeps running these images of blood and broken bones and two fucking bodies being hauled out to the emergency room…

To be fucking honest, I don't really know which one I should worry about more: Jim the SWAT cop, or Dom, a seasoned street fighter. I've seen how each of them fight and I have to say that it's pretty much an even match.

My mind almost explodes when I see Dom clamp his huge hand on Jim's shoulder while the other opens the shed door.

_Dear God…_

The screen door bangs open and my foot is out the door when I feel a hand on my arm stopping me.

"Shit!" I hiss, stumbling back, meeting a worried set of blue eyes

"Don't go out there, Letty" he says sternly

"Fuck Brian, let me go"

"No" he answers firmly "Let them go. They need this."

"They fucking need what?!" I cry "Are you out of your fucking mind?! You know those two--"

But Brian just tightened his grip against my struggles.

"Look, if they wanna kill themselves, they're welcome to try. We'll just hose em down later" he explained "In the meantime…you owe them this."

My eyes almost bulge as I balked. "Owe _them_ this? You think I fucking _owe_ them this?"

I could feel the heat coiling in my hands and stomach as my head starts clouding with rage.

"What the fuck are you saying?!"

"Calm down, Let--"

"Calm down!" I yell "You want me to fucking calm down! You tell me that this is all _my_ fucking fault--"

This time its Brian's turn to get into a fucking rage.

"Jesus Christ Letty, stop acting like the fucking victim and start looking at the situation!"

What he says hits me like a gale. My mouth falls open, but nothing comes out. Don't need to say anything though.

Chumpy's on a fucking roll.

"This one's not just about you Let, there's other people involved" he explains darkly "Just because you've been hurt Letty, it doesn't you can forget that you're partly to blame"

**

* * *

Flashback**

I closed the bathroom door to the sounds of TV explosions and Jim complaining about some moron on the screen.

"Letty? Still there?"

I take a deep breath, sitting down on the lid of the toilet seat.

"Yeah, I'm here" I answer, biting my lip "Where you at?"

I hear some rustling, sounds of the road and some wind before hearing what sounds like a glass door closing.

"I'm calling from a phone booth a couple of miles away. I told them I needed to go out for an hour."

"Damn. They must really love you now, to let you out of the cage for a few hours" I joke

"I had to. I was getting cabin fever" he explained "The team understands, everyone's been staying in and they going kind of stir crazy"

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. "How is the team?"

"Fine. Okay. Vince is doing great. The rest are…they're coping."

"Good." I answer "That's really nice to hear. I mean--"

"When are you coming home Letty?"

Shit.

I lean my head on the cold tile wall and try counting to ten.

"In case you forgot, I'm the one that's in California, Brian"

"You know what I mean Letty" he says, the edge showing in his voice "You promised me, before I left, that you were coming up"

"And I will"

"When?"

I close my eyes.

A part of me wants to kick myself for fucking answering the phone, but another part of me is somewhat relieved.

I knew this was coming, can't avoid it. Sooner or later, I knew Brian was going to ask. He's been patient, and I'm grateful to him for that. But five and a half months should be enough to test anyone's limits, even if they owe you something big time.

I don't really know what to say to him.

I can't…I know it's been five months, but I still don't have the fucking answer.

I've been…I've been thinking about it though. A lot. Fuck, every day for the past month. I've thought about it before, more when I got out of the meds and my head cleared up.

I thought about Mia, Vince, Leon…Jesse. Fuck, Jesse…he's…

I squeeze my eyes to keep the tears from falling, and the images in my head are somehow replaced by one person who's never really been far from my mind.

"He misses you."

I wipe the snot off my nose and blink.

"What?"

"He's been thinking about you everyday, waiting for you, hasn't really stopped…He's different" he says "He doesn't really talk much…at least not since I got here"

"He tends to shut up when he's in trouble"

"That's because it's usually his fist that's talking for him" Brian cuts smartly "Yeah, but this time…it's different Let. He's miserable."

I snort. "Should be, after what fucking happened."

"Is that all you have to say?"

I rub my forehead with the heel of my hand. "I need more time."

"Bullshit!" he yells on the phone "They think you're dead! They think Tran got to you and you're lying in some shallow hole in the desert! If it wasn't for me telling them you were fucking okay, they would have risked jumping the border in order to be there digging for your fucking bones!"

"Brian--"

"This is serious, Letty" he says "I can't keep lying to Mia like this. She knows something's going on."

My blood runs cold as he goes on.

"She's not asking…yet. But soon enough she will, and I think it would be best if you haul ass over here before the shit hits the fan and start explaining."

He had a point. I couldn't…I couldn't stay here forever. Somewhere along the line I knew I was going to make a choice. I just didn't know that "now" would come so soon.

"You need to talk to them before the situation gets worse" he paused "Or you can just walk away…I didn't say anything. You can…you have the option of changing your life and giving them up today"

**

* * *

Present**

I sink onto one of the kitchen chairs as Brian's words hit me.

"There's still Dom and Jim here Letty" he explained "And even if he's caused you a lot of grief, don't you think Dom deserves a bit of an explanation?"

"Then let me do the explaining" I argued "Jim's got nothing to do with him"

"No" he bit back "Jim has _everything _to do with him. He's the man that dropped in on your lives, Letty. He's the man you were with when you left him."

"Fuck! But--"

"He needs this Let, and so does Jim. They both have questions…about you and about each other. It's been a year Letty, and I think Jim at least deserves some answers."

"Then let me be there to keep them from going at each other's necks"

He shook his head "I don't think you need to Let"

I felt like wringing his wiry little neck. Did he not understand? He knows both fucking men, doesn't he fucking get it?

"Step away Let, at least for this one. Let them have control over the situation."

"And let them fucking kill each other in the process?"

The corners of his mouth actually twitches as he tries to suppress a smile, and I fucking want to run my knuckles over it for him to even thinking of it.

"I can't believe you're really worried."

Okay, now he's mocking me.

I slam my hands on the table and look at him like he's grown two heads and I better knock one off to make him normal again.

"How the _hell_ can you even say that?"

"Relax Letty, this is a man thing"

"And men usually settle things with their fists"

This time he actually smirks. "Do you really have that little faith in my kind?"

The lack of a response from my end prompts him to withdraw the question.

"Okay, so you do. But this one's different. Special case. Besides, if a fight breaks out, I'll be the first one to call Edwin and have him set up a tent so I can sell tickets. Those two are so evenly matched that it's bound to be a great fight."

I give him the look that shrivels balls and he immediately wipes the grin off his face.

"Give em a few minutes, I can assure you that's all this one's going to take."

I let out a snort.

"Hey, if you can't put your faith on mankind…then try puting your faith on Dom"

**

* * *

Flashback**

I could feel my knees turning into jelly as I hear Brian give me an out.

"I could tell them that they got to you, or that you just…went away. That something came up and your "friend" thought it was too risky for you to stay in one place and that you needed to move around and just…disappear for awhile."

My mind went numb as the possibilities ran over my head.

It could happen. Jim could get a posting some place else. LAPD SWAT was the best, but he could apply for an out-of state transfer and actually have a better chance at getting back into an active team there.

He'd much rather stay here, but he'd do it…he'd do it just for me, if I needed it…

He'd give it up.

"Have you at least talked to Jim?" Brian asks me

"About what?" I ask dumbly

"About stuff, things, your situation" he says "Unless, you don't plan to include him…"

"We haven't really discussed anything" I admit

"Then he's got a right to know by now, Letty" he reminds me "Just like Dom has the right to know that you're really okay"

The dam actually breaks and suddenly I'm crying, with my head resting on the hard cold surface of the bathroom wall and I'm shaking so hard that my hand can barely hold the phone.

This is…this is rock bottom for me. I know it seems like I've gone through worse, but despite everything…it's still the thought of Dom that leaves me fucking undone.

I don't know why.

I've jacked trucks, cheated on the man I loved, lived with the fucking guilt that I might have killed my dad, broke the law, stolen and lied—over and over and over again.

So many fucking things and yet the one thing that still gets to me is still…Dom.

I guess that really says something about me, huh?

"I know it's difficult, but you're gonna have to make a choice Let, otherwise you're just running away from things" he says over the line

"Dom and Jim, they both love you Letty, and you gotta…you have to make it fair for the both of them. You either chose one or lose both, but you can't keep on letting them think they can both have you."

I wanted to bang my head onto the wall.

I knew all that, understood that I had to do something. I've run out of time and now it's time to choose.

I mean…fuck, it's so easy. If you think about it, it's all so easy. I know all the answers to this, it's all fucking common sense. And deep down, I've known all along who it was that I wanted…

But it's the execution that's hard.

The logic is all fucking easy in your head, but doing it…it's doing it that scares me.

I don't want either of them to get hurt. But I knew that if I was going to do the right thing, I was going to have to slice open a few wounds.

**

* * *

Present**

I'm slumped over the table with my head on my hands and Brian giving me a reassuring pat on the back.

How he can remain calm amidst all this I have no fucking idea. Maybe something about falling in love with Mia, getting kicked out of the LAPD, getting involved with a gang of street racing ex-convicts, thus changing his life in the process has somehow dulled him to some forms of excitement.

"Not really" he chuckles, making me realize that I've said all this aloud "It's gonna be okay"

"How the hell can you be so sure" I grumble

"Coz I say so" he says grandly

I look up at him and think he's nuts.

"You know, just coz you're back on Dom's good side, doesn't mean you can predict him"

He just shrugs his shoulder and smiles.

"Hey, c'mon. You know I've got your back. My job, besides keeping you in line, li'l sis"

I actually manage a smile at that. Mia had always treated me like her little sister, even before I started going out with Dom. And now here was Brian looking at me at the exact, same way.

"Little sis" I grinned wanly "You don't know how long it's been since I've heard those words with the right affection. So…you gonna make it official?"

It was mean to be a joke, but his face turns beet red and he looks down on the floor at his shoes.

Holy shit, I may have hit on something here.

"OOOOOOOhhhhh, I think Chumpy's hiding something here." I tease "You planning on something Chumpy"

"No" he says quickly, but with a smile on his face "No, I'm not planning on anything"

"Uhuh" I smirk "Then why do I get the feeling that you'll react to the word _wedding_"

A weird look does come on his face and I know I've hit the jackpot.

"Marriage?"

"Shut up, Let"

"Enagagement" I hedge "Pro-po-sal?"

He rolls his eyes and actually moves to put my head in a lock to wrestle my hair.

"Ack! Chumpy, shit, shut up! I gotta date! I gotta date!"

"You know nothing yet, little sister"

"Oh I think I know something" I yell, breaking out of his hold

Yup, I sure know something. Coz I know from the look in Brian's eyes that someone on the team's gonna get engaged.

**

* * *

Flashback**

Fuck.

I've been walking around the living room, wearing a hole in the rug as I fucking try and pace myself to death.

Shit, this isn't fucking working.

It's been ten, fifteen minutes since I hung up on Brian and I'm a fucking wreck.

I know I need to go in there and just…just fucking tell Jim.

I need…

Shit!

_Just fucking do it Letty. Just close your eyes and go in._

I stop, take a deep breath, and open the door.

And he could tell. Right from the moment that I opened that door, I knew he'd seen from my face that something was wrong.

He immediately shut down the TV, sat up and looked right fucking at me

"Let?"

_Well, here goes nothing…_

"Jim…we need to talk."

**

* * *

Authors Notes: **I was going to be the mean bitch and thought of drawing things out a chapter just to put you guys into more suspense and maybe even get my own set of "100 reviews", but…I think this is enough. At this point, I can safely say we're in the home stretch and that I just have two more chapters. It's nice to see which readers have been rooting for whom, and I'm going to have to thank you guys again for sticking with me on this. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter up in a few days. Until then, thanks for the reviews people!


	17. Revelations

**Present**

I was still teasing Brian when Leon poked his head in the door.

"You two done gabbin' in here?"

Brian snorted while I ran my hand through my hair, trying to get it to at least look half-way decent.

"Brian's got some news" I said slyly, then pretending to wince as Brian jabs be in the ribs

"That all cool, but I thought you should know that the two are out"

I don't fucking know who made it first but from the way we it sounded, it all must've looked like the three Stooges making an entrance.

We stumbled out, then kinda froze, watching as Dom and Jim chatted quietly in the distance while Vince shot his mouth off about something.

"Fucking shit" he was grumbling "Can't even give his brotha a break"

"Shut up, V" Leon smacked back, sitting on the table next to him and passing him a Corona "The boy did good not messing anyone up. Here, I got you a beer"

"Thanks" V muttered, taking the drink with his good hand

"Don't mention it" Leon answered smartly "By the way, you owe me two hundred dollars"

V whipped out his wallet while Brian and I looked over, mouths hanging open.

"You fucking bet on whether or not they were gonna fight each other?" I yelled incredulously

"Yeah, and my boy let me down" V muttered darkly, handing over a wad of twenties

I was about to let em have it when I heard a chuckle behind me.

"Damn, man. I wish you coulda let me in on that one!"

I turned around and glared "Chumpy!"

He just shrugged "What? I knew they weren't gonna fight, I coulda won some money. My baby needs some new floor mats and Vince would have covered them nice"

Vince throws a rag at him and the three of them start dishing out shit, horsing around like nothing happened and making dirty jokes while they were at it.

Fuck, I will never understand men.

I look back at where Dom and Jim are standing, watching them finish up their conversation.

It seems…weird, seeing the two of them standing there, so close together. Two of the most important men in my life, _the _two great loves of my life, in the same space…and nothing happened.

I felt like time should have stopped or the sky should have caved in or I should have spontaneously combusted. Fuck, something big and important!

Instead, there they are, standing there, looking like two grown men talking about lawn mowers…if I didn't feel like there was some other shoe that was about to fucking drop, I would have said that it was anti-climactic.

Except nothing in my life is anti-climactic.

Suddenly, both of them looked up and saw me watching them and it was surreal. I can honestly say that this is one of those times where you wish you had a button to show the subtitles to people's thoughts.

What could they have been saying about me?

It took a few, but Jim finally nodded and reached out to shake Dom's hand, which Dom—let's not be so surprised—fucking took.

I took a few steps while Jim met me halfway, donning his sunglasses in the process and keeping me from seeing his eyes…okay, so I won't know what went on in there…at least, not yet.

"You ready to go?" he asks, smiling at me

I nod. "Yeah. You figured out where?"

He laughed. This was always our discussion. Before we went anywhere, we usually had a small debate on where to go, since neither of us could ever.

"Yeah, got it all set up."

We walked out, not saying anything as we felt the heat of everyone's stares. I could feel the tension kick up a notch and a knot started forming in my stomach.

Jim walked on to his car, but I stopped as I reached the edge of driveway and looked back.

Dom had just called Brian and was asking him to come in with him for a minute. Brian was already making his way towards him, but at that exact moment, Dom looked up and saw me staring at him.

And the way he stared back…

His face was a total mask, blank and completely unreadable. This wasn't like Dom, who kept everything on the surface…I could see in his eyes that he was hiding something…

"Letty?"

I shook my head and looked back at Jim, who had started the car and was done warming her up…

Just like how I'd taught him to.

I nodded at Jim and started walking, but I took a second to look back, only to see Leon and Vince having a beer, Brian going inside the house and Dom hurriedly following him in.

**

* * *

Flashback**

According to the map, it would have taken just a few hours to get to Baja, give or take 24 if you were once a possible ex-convict.

It's been a day and six hours, and I'm stuck at the side of the highway arguing.

I'm sure that if I were the highway patrol, I'd be glad to stop and assist the dubious looking rental pulled over at the side of the road, probably asking why the two young bone tired individuals like us were doing fighting in this fucking heat.

If there was a highway patrol…if you can even call this a damn highway.

All it is deserted cracked street barely wide enough to fit a semi. It's been fifteen minutes, and so far, no one has passed by. No one. Not even a single fuck ass Mexicali. I think Jim intended it to be this way.

Fuck.

"Are we lost?" I ask grumpily, just having woken up

"No."

"Then why are we here?" I seethe, opening the windows and hoping to get rid of some of my steam

"We're here because we need to talk"

"We already did that, several times, as I recall."

Jim slams his fist on the dashboard, swearing when he hits a button and water squirts out on the windshield.

I watch as dust and grime gets washed away in front of me, the dirt mixing with the water, before it gets whisked by these mechanical wands…

You know, if you stare at it long enough, it can be pretty mesmerizing, especially when you're trying to avoid a conversation.

Finally, Jim finds the right button and the whisking stops. He sighs and I try to burrow myself down my seats.

"What are we doing here, Let"

I bite my lip and look out the window. "We're heading out to Baja, Mexico."

I hear a long pause as he finally cuts the engine.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No, what I know is what you've told me, and—fuck it, look at me!"

I tear my eyes from the hot, bright Mexican landscape and focus on Jim, squinting as my eyes adjust to the dimmer interior lighting, willing the slight headache that comes with it to go away.

"You need to go see the team, you need to tell them you're okay, I understand that, I get that, but…why end all this Letty?"

My hand digs into the seats leather interior as I rehash my decision.

"Because this ain't right, Jimmy."

He whips back into his seat and slams his hand again on the steering wheel, and I wait—yet again—as he cools off.

Off and on, stop and go. We've been doing that since we crossed the border. It would have been annoying, we could have gotten there sooner, but I know Jim just wants to change my mind.

And for the life of me, I don't understand where he gets the strength to ask me over and over and over again.

Because I'm running out of energy to answer him…and I can't stand to see him hurt when he hears that I haven't changed anything.

Jim's eyes were focused on the horizon, his hands red from hitting the stirring wheel.

"What the hell did I do wrong?"

"Nothing" I answered weakly "You did nothing wrong"

"I—we could run away Letty" he argued "We could, we could move back to New Hampshire, and…"

I squeezed my eyes shut and sank further down the seats, trying to drown out his explanation.

It's the same one I've heard since our last stop. He's been giving me plan after plan for the past week, ever since I told him I needed to go back.

And he…he doesn't get it. He just doesn't get it.

"I thought we were over this" he says helplessly

"We are" I answer him, trying hard not to hit anything "And I gave you my reasons."

"They're not good enough"

"Then they're just gonna have to be" I reply "Because you just can't help who you love"

I wince as I hear his hand pounding on the steering wheel again.

**

* * *

Present**

I sigh as I take in the salty air.

The sun is almost down touching the horizon, skimming over distant rocks and boats, the bright burning ball that reminds me of all the sunsets that I've watched here before.

I heard him come up behind me and I smile.

"How's Richard?"

"Busy" he answers "He's in town, but left for a couple of hours so we can talk. He wants to see you though, so if you don't have any plans tonight…"

"I'll stick around" I say, sitting down on the blanket he's just spread

We look out at the ocean, drifting back to all the hours we'd spent here, talking. We first came here as lovers, and now we're here as friends.

Some people never make that successful transition.

We spent a few more moments admiring the beach before I heard Jim take a deep breath and speak.

"You have no idea how many times I've gone back here, thinking about us" he said "At first, I didn't think I could come back here…because I…I missed you. And after a few days, I thought I was gonna go out of my mind…so I finally just came back to the house."

I didn't say anything, couldn't even look at him. I knew this was hard for him, fuck it's hard for me too. But right now he needed to talk, and it was my responsibility to listen.

"I really hated you for a long time. I didn't think it was fair that you had to go. You'd left me twice and…" he paused, trying to find the best words to continue "It fucking hurt, and it was worse the second time, because the second time I knew you really tried. You really wanted things to work…And I…I wanted to hate you, for not making it happen."

He didn't say anything again at first, and I looked at him to see if he was okay.

He was staring at the ocean, looking at the surf, letting the sun hit his eyes while his hand played with the sand.

He looked…like he was at peace, like he'd gotten over whatever it was that he needed to get over, and that this was just something that he needed to do, in order to move on.

"But the day I came back _here_ was at a party. It was a few months after and…I'd already been back to the house, but not to the beach" he said "I walked out here…with someone. And we…we were talking, just talking. I didn't intend to be out here, but we started walking from the house, and next thing you know we were just…here."

"I thought I'd feel bad, it was only after a couple of months. And when I didn't…Fuck, I didn't get it."

But I did.

I saw it. In his eyes. And fucking knew.

"So I thought" he said "Thought back hard to that day, and remembered what you told me."

**

* * *

Flashback**

I didn't think it would happen, but we're finally here.

Three days. That's all it took. Through everything, all it took was 72 measly hours for me to separate my life to what was before and now.

I knew deep down that if I walked away now, I would never be allowed back into Jim Streets life. Ever. There's only so much that a person can fucking take, and this is it.

We're parked a few meters from a medium sized beach house. It's not incredibly impressive, only slightly bigger than the house we had at Echo Park. It's not the fucking mansion like most of the houses farther down road are.

This one's older, maybe a run down seventies style. The neighbors aren't big houses with hulking satellite dishes, it's a bunch of tall reeds and a huge expanse of sand. And it doesn't have a five car garage, but it does have a nice circular driveway, with four cars already parked out front, one of which is a dusty orange Camaro SS with a black stripe.

_Dom's._

Right now the team's probably inside getting ready for dinner.

Mia's probably finishing her cooking, and one of the boys is helping to set up the table. The rest should be out washing up, probably from another day at the garage.

They have a life here, one that I'm about to step into.

I take a deep breathe and place my hand on the door handle.

"Don't do it, Letty"

I pull my hand back to my lap and stare at it.

Fuck, this is the fifth time I've stalled, but this time I was actually going to go through with it.

"Jim, please"

"I…" he struggled with the words, giving up when he couldn't find the right ones "I just wish things could have been different."

"I know."

Three days, it doesn't seem enough. But a lot can happen in three days, lots of things you can never undo, and will probably take a whole lifetime to explain.

"Deep down, I knew that this was going to happen, and that I shouldn't hold it against you" he said "But Letty, I just had to try"

"And I understand." I answer softly

I understood fully.

We don't choose the people we love. It just happens.

We can love someone with all our heart, and sometimes they can never love us back, and that's okay. Sometimes love is unconditional, and just giving that love is enough. And over the years, I've had to learn that the hard way.

Loving someone without expectations, without complications, and without deceit…a quiet kind of love that baffles your mind but your heart comprehends.

And that makes that kind of love worth it.

But sometimes, when you're lucky, you find that one kind of love that's both unconditional and sacrificial…and the other person loves you back. Full force.

And in that love, everything is heightened: anger, possession, caring, sharing, jealousy and rage…it's sometimes explosive and passionate, sometimes quiet and gentle…but always, always complicated and intense.

So that makes that kind of love rare. Not everyone can find it, and even when they do, not everyone can survive it.

And that makes that kind of love worth it.

"Tell me Let, did I ever stand a chance?" he asked "After all this…I just gotta ask…would I ever have made you happy?"

He had a resigned look on his face, but his eyes were still fighting.

"If I hadn't been a cop, or I didn't have SWAT…if you weren't a street racer…would this have worked?"

"Jim…" I start, hoping that what I would say would be the right words

See, it was never a question of careers.

The first time we broke up, maybe it was. I was a different person two years ago, I wasn't strong enough to let go of anything that I considered as my life.

But now…Maybe I could have done it.

Moved back with Jim to New Hampshire and let him join the force there. And maybe I could have lived with the fact that this wasn't what he wanted. That even though he told me all this with such conviction, I could see in his eyes that there was a certain light missing, like a dream had just _died_.

And maybe, I'll believe myself when I say that I can be a mechanic in any state, in any garage. That I could start over without my family and my friends. That I could give up street racing, and the hot cars, and live the normal life of a citizen.

Maybe I could do all those, maybe I could live with all those sacrifice for myself…but I couldn't accept Jim's.

Not with what I still had in me.

"It was never because of that" I told him "It was never a question of what state we were in, or what kind of jobs we'd have…I have no doubt that I could have been happy…"

He looked at me, searching, trying so hard to understand and take it all in.

"But Jim…I don't think I'll ever be completely happy…not without him."

And I could see, could almost feel, that dam break, as I told the truth.

"We could be together, have that family you want, make a new start…but there'll be a part of me that will always look back…searching for him."

And I wrung my hands together, happy that I was finally learning this about myself…but sad that I had to let go of someone because of it.

"And that part of me…Jim, that part's just too big. And I can't…I can't let you make that kind of sacrifice for me, knowing that you can't have everything."

"But I don't need everything" he pleaded

"But I do" I told him "and soon enough, you'll want it too. You deserve it, we both do."

"You said it yourself, sometimes the one you love won't always love you back" he reasoned "Heck, in most relationships, one person almost always ends up loving the other more and it still works."

"Yeah, but what if you knew that you could have it all equal?" I asked "There may be some kinks there Jim, but I at least owe it to myself to try."

"What if he hurts you again?"

My mind flashed back to all those times Dom made the mistake of sleeping with other women, all the times he ignored me…and the effort he made to stop it, and how he succeeded in the end.

"That'll be my choice, and I'm going to have to live with it."

I reach out for the door handle again, and this time, I know that he's not going to stop me.

I'm going to step put of this car, and out of his life, possibly never see him again.

His hands are gripping the steering wheel, and he's looking ahead at the beach house, where I'll soon live.

"I don't understand it, and I don't think I'll ever understand it. I love you and I hate you…and I don't think my mind will ever--"

"You will" I said, pressing the button and opening the door "Someday you will"

My feet hit the soft sand, legs and limbs protesting as I make my way out. His eyes don't even follow me as I stretch, getting rid of the kinks acquired in three days worth of driving and sitting.

"This is the last time" I heard him say

And I just nod.

A part of me hopes that this isn't goodbye, but a bigger part of me, the part that knows Dom, that knows Jim, knows that what I'm doing is the right thing.

My hand grips the door but somehow…I still can't bring myself to close it.

"Someday you'll understand what I'm trying to say" I say suddenly "You'll look back and you won't be able to remember the hurt that this caused you. And when that happens…I hope you'll be able to accept it, and maybe even thank me."

**

* * *

Present**

"Was I right?" I asked smugly

Jim snorted. "Not quite"

I elbowed him in the ribs, bringing back some of that old banter.

Jim and I were always great friends, and looking back, I think this is the life that the two of us were meant to live.

"C'mon, admit it, just don't wanna tell me that some Oprah changed your life."

He gave a slight chuckle. "Hey, things haven't gotten that far yet…but it's getting there."

We pulled our eyes from the horizon and looked at each other, happy with this new understanding that he just discovered.

"I didn't think the best of you when you left, and I thought my life was a fucking wreck. First Lara, then you…then going back to the gun cage everyday, and having to face all that criticism on my own…It was pretty bad for awhile."

I narrowed my eyes…the suspense was killing me. I knew there was something big at the end of this discussion and I wanted to fucking know it…NOW.

"But then SWAT came calling again…"

"Ha! See! I knew it!" I smiled "You're too good with what you do Street, way too good. I didn't fucking like it, but you were good. I know you're in the force, but how long did it take for them swallow their pride and take you back in?"

"A few months after you left…a year for me. They didn't come begging if that's what you're thinking, I had to re-qualify all over again."

"And?"

"It was the best, going back…I knew I missed it, but soon as they put me on that training field, I began to realize just how much" he said

"That's good…" I said, and waited for the following. He wasn't quite done yet. "So?"

"They put me on the same team, and with a buncha new people. And not to mess with my old crew, but this ones just fucking sweet Letty, you gotta see these guys. They're the best."

"And?!" I ask "Spit it out Street, coz I know there's more of this coming."

"But they are the best!" he argued, teasing me

"Street!" I yell "Own it Street, admit it, you finally understood, what! What! What!"

He laughed, and I ranted a little bit more before settling down.

Finally, he looked back down on his hand. And with the last rays of the sun hitting his face, he blushed as he made this one fucking shy admittance that put a smile to my face.

"Well Let, you were right" he beams, then takes a deep breath and looks at me

"I met someone"

**

* * *

Authors Notes: **Okay, I know of ten people who probably want to string me up in a pole and gut me right now…but hey. And for the rest of you who are probably rejoicing…There's still one chapter, and I can assure you that the story ain't over until the big guy sings.

PS. I live on the other side of the world, so I don't know how long it takes to get to Baja. Allow me a little artistic license on this one if I'm wrong.


	18. Resolutions

**Authors Notes: **Okay, first off…Wow. I've never finish a fanfic, so technically, this is my first piece of fanfic ever. So please allow me the looonnnnngggggg Author's Notes before I send you off to read the rest of the chappie.

First off, thank you to all those who took a chance at reading a crossover fic, especially those who didn't think I could make it work. Thank you for taking the time to read my work.

To the people who have always reviewed this…maile, maliek, greenglowchassis, ranger webb, pips24, Jada91…thank you! And to nighttime writer, who rallied for my 100. It was very much appreciated. You rock, man.

And for those Jim and Letty fans who still stuck by me…Tempest! Thank you for that review, it means a lot since I am a fan of your work. To Eli, and Shortie212, thank you for continuing to read this, even if they didn't end up together.

To tehzo, who came in at 100 with a wonderful, wonderful review. That was just…wow. And to Sweetest Addiction, my fellow flip, who reviewed me via-email when ffnet wouldn't let her, keep on writing gurl. And to the girl whom I dragged with me from Trek…Steph4. Yes, I will finish Remember.

And for those who are still with me in reading this…Remember was what started it all. I needed some Vin Diesel data coz I made him play one of the leads in my Trek fic. And though I am a TFTF fan, I was never really into the DL fandom until I re-watched it. And just coz I saw all the Diesel films, and saw Blue Crush, I just had to watch SWAT, and things just went on from there.

Okay, I know you people want to just scroll down now and read, but before that…forgive the typos, for this chap and all the other chaps. I don't have a beta and heck, English isn't even my first language. I promise to mop it all up before…uhm, later.

Also…as a writer, I am extremely picky with personalization. Real racers in this fandom nitpick the cars and the technical terms—which I know nothing of and thus never use—but I really, really, try to be a stickler to the characters personalities.

As a fanfic writer, I feel like I have a responsibility to be faithful to them, even when it makes some readers want to tear their hair out, I will most likely do what is more logical and believable than what I think will make people happy.

I really wrote this to be a Dom and Letty fic, but in order to make it believable, I needed to make a really nice Jim…though I never once thought that i'd do such a nice job that people would actually want Jim over Dom.

Maybe I'll do one of them…but I'm really a sucker for canon pairings. I hope my Jim and Letty fans will accept my apology in that I made him very, very happy.

See, I like happy. I'm a sucker for happy endings…I really, really am. I swear.

* * *

Everything happens for a reason. 

I used to think that was such a cop-out excuse until I realized how important it was for a person to believe.

We all get to this point in our lives where we start questioning things. We can switch religions, lose our religion, and have no religion, but ultimately we all go back to that one fundamental thing: _faith._

Faith that I have a purpose. Faith that I have direction. Faith in the things that I have no control, but somehow believe should happen for whatever purpose that I had yet to know.

Faith in me, in the people around me. Faith in God, faith in the universe.

For a long time, I thought I was so weak for not being able to fight circumstances, but see, you're not supposed to. You can only control yourself, and how you react, but everything around you…that's up to faith.

And one of the hardest things in keeping that faith is learning to let go.

**

* * *

Present**

"Her name is Chris Sanchez"

_Chris Sanchez…_

I watch as Jim's face light up just by saying her name.

In all the time that we've been together, I've heard him say other women's name, a select few of whom he's loved, but I've never seen his face light up like this when he's talking about them...

Or even me…

"She's a cop…and a mom"

I blinked, surprised "A mom?"

And here's another surprise.

The corners of his mouth twitch and he gets this soft look in his eyes.

"Yeah, she's got a kid, Eliza. She just turned nine" he smiles "She's a really great kid, real spunky and smart. Great soccer player. Sometimes, if we're free that weekend, we'll come here in the beach and play some rounds with Roxy."

"Roxy" I smile "Where is the old girl?"

"She's okay" he answers "She misses you, though not by much considering she's got Eliza now. Damn dog follows her around so much that she might as well be her dog."

"Don't you think she already is?" I kidded

He sits back, reflecting on that. "Yeah, I guess she is."

We take a few moments, just thinking and looking at the sunset. Once the sun comes down, it's going to be pretty cold, and something tells me that we're not going to be doing our traditional methods of warming up anymore.

I close my eyes and think back to those days, when we just sat here, thinking about anything and everything.

I thought about a lot in those days, usually while sitting in this spot, alone or with Jim. Didn't matter.

A lot of my biggest decisions were made here. I thought of my future here, of whether I should stay here with Jim or patch things up with Dom.

And as I listen to Jim talk about this amazing little girl, I remember what it was that made me decide.

I never…had that image in my head. Of Jim, a family, a life…of SUV's, and carpools, marriage and commitment and birthday parties and little girls. Never.

Sitting here, on this beach, I realized that although I loved Jim, I never tried to pictured my future with him.

It hit me then.

Our lives were too different, and although we were together, we were bound for separate directions.

Jim had wanted that life, that sense of normalcy. He needed it, to balance his life in SWAT. And he craved it, because he grew up with it. He needed a Chris Sanchez, and a Roxy, and an Eliza, while I didn't.

Maybe someday, but not then, not now, and certainly not with him.

And if I wasn't willing to give it to him…then it was unfair for me to keep him.

I had to let go.

"I didn't think it was possible"

I looked at him, his face full of wonder. "What was?"

"This…all this. I didn't think…I didn't think I would ever want it"

"Sometimes…" I said "Sometimes we find things in our lives that we never thought we wanted, or needed, but are actually the things we can never live without."

He looked at me then, like really looked at me. And it wasn't the old Jim looking at me, but a new one, a better one.

"Thank you Letty" he said "I didn't understand what you were saying then, but I do now, and I can't thank you enough for what you did."

He said it with so much gratitude that I can't decide whether I'm shocked or happy with this attention that I'm getting.

One thing's for sure though, I'm damn near uncomfortable.

"Aww, shucks Jim"

He just laughs. "I forgot that you don't take compliments that well."

I just grunted.

"You know…she's a lot like you."

I let out what seemed like a cross between a laugh and a snort. "Really?"

"Yeah, she is. She's smart, and tough…won't take shit from anyone. And she's an incredible person, though she doesn't like to hear it. She's a bit..shy when it comes to compliments, even if it's about work. She's one of the best officers out there, and a great friend too. She'd take a bullet for any one of us on the team."

I blinked. "Whoa, wait a minute. On the team?"

"She's on the team with me" he said proudly "She's my partner…She's SWAT"

_Well, holy cow_

"Damn…" I said, amazed

"Plenty have had the same reaction" he said "She's one of the first women to ever be admitted in the division. Like I said, she's amazing"

"And what do your superiors say about your relationship with this amazing woman?"

The smile on his face falters…but doesn't fade.

"They're looking the other way…for now. We're one of the best units out there so they can't afford to lose us, and Chris…I dunno how to explain this Let, but working with Chris…it's just fucking eerie. When we're on the field…we fuckin' connect. We can anticipate each others moves, and just know what the other's plannin'" he says, in total awe

"I can't explain it, but as a team…we're a real fuck-ass unit. And sometimes I'm worried about her, because I know she'd take a bullet for me. Fuck, I know she'd take a bullet for any one on the team, and when that happens, I don't know what I'd fuckin' do…for myself and for Eliza…"

I just nod. "Wow man, that…sounds like a lot."

To be honest, I can't even begin to understand what it is that they do.

I understand the rush, but let's fucking face it. Dragging your ass through a quarter mile in an insanely fast car powered with volatile materials might be fucking dangerous…but it's nothing compared to chasing after criminals while getting shot at in the process. And that's on a good week...

I couldn't even live with the idea of Jim going out there getting his ass shot at. For him to go out with someone, to work with someone he _loved, _and have that possibility hanging over his head every fucking time they go on a mission…

"This is one helluva situation you got yourself into Jim"

"But it's one that I'm willing to live in" he concludes

We're silent for a minute, thinking of what he just said. The sun's almost gone, and I can feel the chill settling in as I pull my jacket tighter.

"I can't…I can't live without her" he tries to explain "It took a while for us to admit this because of those same reasons, and we were aware of the risks, but like you said…you just can't chose who you love"

"She's my partner Let, in everything. At first, we thought this was just some weird transference, some influence of us being really great on the field. But the more we got to know each other out of work, and the more time I spent with Eliza…I realized that I can't…I can't be completely happy with my life without her, without them in it"

I breathed in, taking in the salt sea air, letting the night and the ocean fill my lungs as I shared in the wonder of his revelation.

"She…she was shot once. Fuck, she's been shot at several times, but there was this one time when she really went down and…it was after the two of us started seeing each other, and I was so scared, that I…wanted to end it."

Even in the dark I could see that he was slightly guilty.

"I…I didn't think I was ready to be a dad. But when she went down, my first thought was of Eliza. And I…I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. So I tried to distance myself, and she did the exact same thing."

It was completely dark now, and several of the neighbors had opened their porch lights. The light in the driveway was the only one on right now, other than that we were completely surrounded by the darkness.

Neither of us made any move to change it, because sometimes…sometimes there are some things that you can't say in the light but be completely honest with in the darkness.

And now we needed that darkness.

"It took me two months, just two months. Eight weeks without her and I knew" he said "I became such an ass, hooking up with all these women, until I met this really great girl…and she was so great, and sweet, and wonderful, and charming, and smart and…and…completely unlike Chris"

He looked at me, trying his damnest to explain.

"I tried going out with her, and she was perfect, but…I knew it wouldn't work" he said, biting his lip "I could see myself happy with her. Fuck, I could see myself happy with other women, but deep down…I knew I'd always be thinking of her."

And there it was.

My forgiveness.

Funny, I didn't think I needed it. I always knew that Jim would eventually see why I had to end things before…but things ended so badly that I guess a part of me always hoped that when he forgave me, I would be there to see it.

"All those times, I couldn't understand why you were with Dom, when he hurt you so damn much. After all that, I just didn't think it was worth it. Then I met Chris…" he paused, before going on

"I don't know how it's possible, but I love you more now than when I was with you, although this time…it's in a different way. And I don't know how to explain it, but I knew you needed to hear it"

And I did. So help me God, I didn't know why, but I did.

A part of me, that small part of me that will always love Jim, is somewhat jealous of what happened. But a bigger part of me, the part that's his lover and his friend, the part that loves Dom, is happy for him.

More than happy for him.

Shit, I'm fucking ecstatic.

"You're probably wondering how all this can work, with all that bullshit with us being partners and us loving our jobs…but I don't fucking care. Neither of us do, and right now it's not fucking important. I just know that if I don't give this a chance, I'll fucking regret it."

"Jim…"

"I'd give it up Let, for her" he admitted "For her, for Eliza…but the thing is, I don't think I have to. She knows me Let, and she understands me, and I didn't think I'd ever find anyone who ever would"

Suddenly, his hands are so tight around me that I couldn't breathe, but I don't fucking care, because right now I'm happy.

I'm happy…and hopeful.

"Thank you for making me understand" he whispers in my ear

I just close my eyes and hug him back, thinking…of all the things, of what lies ahead…

_I'm hopeful…_

"And thank you for understanding" I answer softly

* * *

I always wondered how it could happen, how I could love two people at the same time, but this is how I look at it. 

Dom…Dom was always my sun. He was gravity, he was my center…he held it all together.

And Jim was like the moon. He stayed the night, and lit my way through the darkness. And in the day, when my sun was back, he faded with the morning…but he was always there. Watching me.

But like the moon who borrows his light from the sun…I shared my love for Dom with Jim.

I couldn't love Jim, if I didn't love Dom. I have couldn't put that much faith in loving, wouldn't have taken the risk to feel that way about someone else, I didn't already know what it was like.

And in the same way, I would never have come back to Dom, if it wasn't for Jim.

He made me realize what was important, even when he didn't know that he was doing. He forced me to face my fears, even when it hurt him to do it. He gave me the strength to make the sacrifices, when I thought I didn't have it in me to do it.

And he was doing it all over again…

**

* * *

Present**

We parked a few meters away from the house and killed the engine.

It was three in the morning, and without a party, the street was fuck ass quiet.

"Where's the fun?" Jim smirked, looking at me

I had promised him a party and now there was none, but I could tell that neither of us were really that disappointed.

I stared at the house, which had all the lights—save for the porch light—off.

That was unusual.

"I dunno" I said "Things have kind of mellowed down lately, but I know this week we were definitely slated for a party"

"Doesn't look much like a party to me"

I smacked Jim on the chest and looked at the house.

I'm worried. They should be back by now, instead…

All the cars are still gone except for…I squinted then jumped back as one of the bedroom lights came on.

"I'm guessing that's your room" Jim muttered

"Not lately" I mumbled, looking at the light from the master bedroom…Dom's room

A shadow passed by the window and lingered there for a few seconds before moving away.

I guess that's his way of saying that he's not watching us…but he's definitely waiting for me to come in.

I take a deep breathe, silently thanking the team for being out.

Dom and I…we still have a lot of things to talk about. A lot of things to finish…

I look up at the bedroom again and remember all those times that I had to stay up, waiting for Dom to come home…

My eyes wander to the one next to it. The lights are off, mainly because it's Vince's room…Well, Leon's and Vince's room. But once upon a time, it was Dom's room. And for a long time, it was that room that I'd watched from afar.

I crane my head and turn around, looking at a light blue house not too far down the street.

It hasn't changed all that much, except that it used to be white. The new owners painted it as soon as they moved in. Lovely old couple. I still talk to them, but I never could accept one of their invitatons to go in.

Jim turns around to see what I'm looking at. He sees the house and just nods his head in understanding.

"You okay?" he asks

I sigh and sink back into my seat. "Yeah, just…nervous I guess."

He just laughs. He already knows that there's nothing he can say to drive the butterflies out of my stomach.

"You look terrible" he says "And I hate to say this, but you smell like dog"

I hit him again. "Well if you'd kept Roxy down, then I wouldn't be covered in your dogs spit"

We'd talked for about another half hour before Richard had come home with Roxy and turned our little melodrama into a luau.

"Richard looks great by the way" I told Jim

"And that's all Clarissa" Jim answered "She's a great gal. We've doubled a couple of times, she and Chris get along pretty well."

That was one thing Jim was quick to point out.

While there are a lot of things me and the now infamous Chris Sanchez have in common, being fru-fru apparently isn't one of them. Well, maybe not fru-fru. But Jim says that despite her being in an uber testosterone filled environment (like i'm not, but since Mia's there, who's asking), Chris is actually quite…feminine.

"Damn; you, a girl, a kid, a dog and an Escalade" I smile "You got quite a deal there, Jimmy"

His face practically cracks with that smile. "Yeah, I know."

He reaches over and gives me one last hug before pulling back to come look at me.

I know that this isn't the last time we'll see each other, but I also know that it'll be a long time before we do.

Jim needed to close this chapter in his life, and now that he's done and ready to move on, he needs time to adjust to things before throwing me in it.

"Try and come by sometimes, get to meet Chris and Eliza" he says "When things settle down, maybe you can bring that guy of yours for a barbecue."

I just smirk.

"Yeah, and when have things settled down for you?"

He just laughs. "You gotta point"

One last hug later and I'm outta the car. I told Jim not to walk me, this one I need to do on my own…starting from down the road.

He rolls down the window and I look back at him.

"Will it help if I say that it's going to be okay?" he says

"No…but thanks for saying it anyway" I answer candidly

He nods knowingly. "Good luck Let"

"Thanks Jim" I sigh, giving him one last wave

"And remember girl" he says "I've got your back"

I just laugh as I stand up and finally watch him drive off, probably heading home to his new life, and his new family.

When the cars finally gone, I take a deep breath and head towards my family.

_Dom…_

I shove my hands in my pockets and will myself to put one foot in front of the other.

"Well, here goes" I tell myself

**

* * *

Flashback**

My back is achy from sitting down for too long, and my legs feel still feel a little rubbery when I walk.

Still, I make the two minute walk to the front door without once landing on my face.

I raise my hand on the front door, but stop for a minute when I realize I don't know how the hell I look.

I've been up for three days. I don't have any luggage, have only just scrubbed my face and brushed my teeth. It's been a whole day since I last showered, and I know after sleeping in the car that my hair must look like a mess.

Not exactly the best homecoming look…but hopefully they won't notice.

I'm about to knock on the door again when it suddenly opens.

And there's Mia on the door about to throw the trash.

And the two of us about to die in shock.

"Letty" she gasps, standing there, with her eyes wide and looking at me

I run my hand through my hair, patting it down. "Hey girl, how ya livin'?"

One second, two seconds pass before Mia drops the bags and the whirlwind of affection comes up.

"Letty!" she cries, hugging me and pulling me in "Oh my God, Letty!"

I hear what sounds like a herd of Rhino's coming down the stairs and I see Leon and Brian running down.

"Christ girl, that you?!" Leon yells, running over and hugging the both of us

I just laugh and look over his shoulder, staring at Brian who's giving me a shit eating grin.

"What the fuck is all the noise about?" a really ticked off voice comes from a room right next to the stairs

I see a slightly groggy Vince with hair sticking in all directions come out with a yawn.

He takes one look at me, Leon and Mia and I swear, his eyes almost pop out of the sockets.

"Holy shit!" he yells, and I laugh

"Hey V" I greet him through a tangle of arms

Pretty soon I'm being smothered by four pairs of arms and I'm having trouble breathing.

Like, really having trouble breathing.

"Hey you guys, I need a little space here" I wheeze "Don't want to crack another rib."

They all laugh and let go of me, but only to have a pair of hands go around my waist and whip me out of their grasp, and straight into his arms.

"Letty"

A pair of soulful dark eyes lock with mine, and my arms immediately wrap around his neck.

"Letty" he says again

My mouth opens for an explanation…but nothing comes out. Fuck, I don't think I can say anything.

"Jesus Let" he cries, his hands squeeze my waist while he buries his face on my neck "Letty, Letty, Letty"

I finally crack and my eyes water while I gasp. "Dom, Jesus Dom…"

My hand tightens on his back as I breath him in, his voice coming in gut wrenching sobs as he says over and over

"You're home Let, don't worry, you're home, You're finally home."

**

* * *

Present**

The house is quiet when I come in.

I switch on a lamp in the living room so the boys won't trip when they get back, then head up to the bedroom.

I know he's up, and there's no use stalling when there's still so many things to talk about, and I want to do it before Mia and the guys get home.

Soon as I reach the foot of the stairs, all the butterflies in my stomach vanish, only to be replaced with this sense of determination.

I needed to do this. I owed it to myself and to Dom. To the team and to Jesse.

It was time for us to at least get to some sort of resolution.

I open the door to the bedroom and find him sitting on the bed, waiting for me.

Three of Mia's large candles are lit in different parts of the room, and I looked at Dom questioningly.

"For mood?" he shrugs

And soon as he said that, we both just bust out laughing.

Not that there was anything funny. We were about to have one of the most important—if not _the_ most important conversation we've ever had, and the two of us are coming down in stitches.

Well, you know what they say. If I didn't laugh, I might just cry, and we've fuck ass done enough of that already.

After a few more minutes, the two of us had settled down and were looking at each other on the bed.

I blinked, waiting for him to start, but somehow he's just as lost as I am.

_Shit…how to start, how to start…_

"So" I said, reaching out for his hand

"So" he answers, giving me a reassuring squeeze

I take a deep and just…dive right in.

"I guess you know that we really need this talk" I smile wanly

He smiles back, but doesn't say anything.

"Dom…first off, I'd really like to thank you for taking this quite well…though I have to admit, you had me going there when you talked to Jim in the shed."

"But seriously, thank you Dom, for doing that for me. For…letting me have my space, because right now…that's really what I need."

My voice catches, and I pause for a minute as I think about what I'm going to say.

This wasn't the first time that I've thought about it…but I gotta be honest with myself when I say that I didn't think I'd actually do it.

I didn't think I could, nor did I think that there would ever be a right time.

But back the beach, while I was talking to Richard, I realized that there would never be a right time, nor would there be an easy way of saying it.

Instead, I just had to put it all on faith.

"Dom…I love you" I say, and a part of me wants to wince

I'm following all the cliché's of letting him down gently…who would have fucking known.

"Let…" he asks, his hands are squeezing mine. He knows what about to say already and his face is fucking full of fear

"Dom…' I start again "You know I love you, and I have no doubt that you love me too…but I also know…that you know…that there's been something wrong in our relationship for a long time and…and I think it's finally time for us to come fix that."

His forehead creases as he tries to remain calm. "I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do, Dom" I say softly "We both do, and unless we do something about it, it's going to keep eating at the both of us until finally…there's nothing left."

"But we can fix this, right?" he says "You said it yourself, we just have to work at it, and together we can--"

"It's not that simple Dom" I cut in

"You and I…we've been together a long time. We've known each other ever since we were kids, and I…I've loved you for a long time. So long that I don't really know what it's like not to love you."

I could literally feel my heart breaking as I went on, but I knew it had to be done.

"When you're with me, I love you. When you make me feel like I'm the center of your world, I love" I explain "But more importantly…I love you, even when you were cheating on me. I love you, even when you were ignoring me. I loved you, so much, even when I was I loved Jim and--"

"Are you saying you don't love me anymore?" he panicked "And that you wanna leave?"

"No!" I answer quickly "No…God Dom, I love you so much, and…that's kinda like the problem."

"I love you, and I don't think anything will ever change that. It may, or may not turn out to be this kind of love, but I can assure you that whatever happens…I will never stop loving you." I say

"And I already know that I love you and this family too much for me to ever leave. I…I've seen what it's like to be without you, Dom, and without the team, and I don't think I can ever go through that again…But at the same time, I don't think we can do whatever it is that needs to be done if we're together like this."

"I don't understand" he says

"You said it yourself, all our lives we've only been apart three times. And in those three times, something incredibly big had to happen before either of us had to come back"

I looked at him, willing him to trust me as I tried my best to explain the situation.

"We've been together since I was seventeen Dom, and for some people…seven years is a really long time. Some people fucking get married after seven years."

"Is that what it is?" he asks "Because you know I love you and I'm committed to this relationship."

"And I am too" I say "And I want this to work, but in order for that to happen we have to find out whatever is that is wrong in ourselves first before we try and solve the problems we have when we're together."

I sigh.

I wonder when love will ever be easy…shit, I wonder when anything in this world will ever be easy.

…But then again, nothing that's worth it in this world is every easy, and if I have to work for this…then that's what I am going to do.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want to become a habit" I explain "We've been Dom and Letty for so long that we've forgotten what it's like to be just Dom or just Letty, to the point that we're taking it for granted how special it is to be Dom and Letty"

Dom looks at me like this is the most insane idea that I've ever had, but at least he's still willing to listen.

"I need a break Dom, just…a little breather. And for once, I don't want it to be caused by some traumatic event."

Dom's face crumples and he sighs. "I don't like this."

"But deep down, I know you think it makes sense." I say

"We've got shit that we need to work through Dom, and I'm still going to be here if you need my help, just not…right here."

I tense for a bit as he processes this bit of information. Doesn't take too long for it to hit home.

"What the hell are you saying?!"

"What I'm saying is…I think I need to move out."

"What?!" he says, his voice rising "Letty, this is your home, you can't leave--"

"And I won't" I say "Not really. I'll still be here in California, I'll still work at the garage, it's just…I won't be living here with you. Which is better, since technically if we're gonna break up, we can't sleep in the same room and it's still going to be mighty awkward staying in Jesse's room and seeing you at the breakfast table mornings."

"This is nuts!"

"No it's not" I argue "It fucking sucks, but it's something we're gonna have to do if the two of us want to survive."

"We already are surviving" he reasons "The cheating, the heist…this thing with Jim…it's over Letty"

"The situation maybe, but not with the problem with ourselves" I say "The cheating, Jim…they're all symptoms of something else."

"We gotta grow up Dom, as people, and we gotta do that on our own before we do that together."

I can see the fear creeping in his eyes, and I know he's scared shit at the moment because I am too.

He's not the only going out on a limb here.

I've been with Dom all my life. But there are issues here that I need to deal with myself.

This dependency with Dom is one. I was so young when I went out with him that I always thought of him as the adult, to the point that I let him make most of the decisions, even the ones that I really should be making for myself.

There's also the fact that there are so many things I haven't done, or even tried, mainly because I couldn't leave the team or I thought Dom wouldn't approve.

And I can't be disappointed with him for not saying yes when I didn't even have the courage to ask him…

Argh, fuck. How much harder is this growing up thing gonna get!

"What if we grow apart?" he asks

Ah, the million dollar question.

"That's a risk that we're going to have to take Dom" I say "C'mon, you're smart, you know this."

He groans and pulls our hands to rub his head in frustration.

"I fucking don't want to lose you Let"

"And you won't" I say "We're not going to start ignoring each other because of this Dom, and it would be stupid to say that we're gonna go back to being completely friends."

I trace my thumb over his huge knuckles, comparing the size of our hands.

His are about four sizes bigger than mine, so strong.

He may not have done a perfect job out of it, but considering the circumstances he's taken care me…of us, quite well.

"It's been seven years Dom, I think…I think it's time for you to face…whatever it is that you need to face from your time in Lompoc."

He instinctively pulls out his hand, but I don't let go.

And I know I won't, not ever.

"I was too young to understand…but I'm older now. And if you'll let me, I'll be here to help you, maybe not as your lover but as your friend."

His face is clouded with worry, but he looks at me with so much open trust that I knew that even though it hurt so much, this was the right decision.

"I thought we couldn't go back to being completely friends"

"Then don't think of me as a friend, just think of me as…Letty"

And I don't know what…maybe something from my speech finally started to make sense, or maybe it was just the way that I said it, but he just…started to look at me in a differently.

Not as a lover would…but in a way that I knew Dom should.

In a way that the old Dom that I blindly followed as a little girl would, the Dom that buttoned my coat up, or the Dom that gave me my first real kiss,or the Dom that asked me to believe in him when no one else would…the Dom that I saw when I closed my eyes and prayed for the future.

"I'm going to be honest with you in saying that I don't like it…" he says "But I love you, and if this is going to make things better for you…"

"It's just for me Dom, but this is for you too" I say "This is for us"

"For us" he repeats to himself, then looks up at me, his eyes shining with hope "We get to start over"

"Yeah, yeah I guess we do" I say, lacing our hands

And just like faith, Dom's words still make me feel better.

_We get to start over…_

The End…

Or is it?


	19. Epilogue

**Authors Notes: **Before you go on, I'd like to give out a _warning._ If you hate fluff, puke on fluff, and flame fluff…_don't read this. _I mean it.

This chapter is sort of a transitional point to the sequel. Yes, there will be a sequel, and this chapter more or less sets the tone on what the next one is going to be.

If you hate fluff, you can skip this and still move on to the sequel. I can assure you that this is the fluffiest I will ever get. It's just…I couldn't resist it! The idea lived inside my head until I found a way to make it work. (which I hope it did)

The idea for the sequel came up way back in chapter five and six, when I remembered how Letty looked at Dom when she was sitting at the back of that Civic as Dom told her that everything was gonna be okay and that he loved her. She looked so pissed that I just knew that they couldn't get back together that fast without a major overhaul.

Which is why some of the chapters don't make any sense to some people: Brian and Leon, Mia and even Letty's father…besides being a backgrounder for this fic, it was a set-up for the next fic.

Sorry, no Jim for the next one. It focuses mainly on how Dom and Letty learn to live their lives apart, and how much they change as they grow up.

So if you think that this one is perfect, then you can stop. Thanks for liking this fic and taking a chance at a crossover.

But if you feel like going for another ride, then go right ahead. Next one's about to begin.

Cheers!

Kat

* * *

**Present**

"Is this the last one?"

I tripped over a box and landed right next to Dom's feet. I hear several chuckles as I get up, trying to decide whether or not to pretend that nothing happened…

"Damn" I mutter, ignoring Dom's hand and getting up "That's definitely not my style"

"No it's not, but we love you anyway." Mia smirked as she walked past me. "Even if we think you're nuts for doing this."

I roll my eyes. "Mia--"

"What? I'm not saying anything. Just pointing out the fact that you're giving up my home cooked meal for what you can scrape off from that teeny kitchen."

The rest of us just laugh.

I have to admit, one of the hardest parts of moving out was the idea of giving up Mia's cooking…which is why I decided to move just a few minutes from home…well, maybe around 20 minutes, which is far enough by the team's standards but close enough to Mia's kitchen for my stomachs convenience.

"Hey, I can cook" I chortle, earning more laughs

"Yeah right" she replied dourly "Well, don't let your pride get in the way of my dinner table. Feel free to crawl back for a meal when you're dying of hunger."

I give her a look.

You know, I don't think I've ever smacked Mia, even when we were kids. With the guys, I'm used to a little rough housing, but I don't think anyone's ever included Mia.

Somehow, she was always our little princess. The one we all fawned over and sheltered…up to the point of exclusion.

Well, that's gonna have to change.

"Ha-ha" I mutter dourly, giving her a hard poke in the ribs

She looks back up in surprise.

I mean, it's not like a bitch slap, it's nowhere near what I give to the guys but…I guess it's a start.

"Letty" she smiles, but her eyes start to get watery again…

Uh-oh.

"Mia--" I warn, but it's useless.

Seconds later I'm caught in a chokehold of arms and tears.

Damn, the girl can hug.

"I'll miss you, Letty" she whispers, tightening her grip

And damn, if that doesn't make me wanna cry too. I've never been away from the fort…at least not under normal conditions.

Apart from that time with Jim, I've never once been away from home…Never done anything completely on my own, made my own decisions.

I felt like a bird jumping out of the nest. The idea of flying is exciting…but right before take off, I'm sure that little bird just like me in that I'm fucking terrified.

"Hey, you'll still see me during dinner" I say, my voice wavering "I can't do all that shit you do, even if you did leave me your recipe book"

"Yeah, well make sure you use it" she sniffles "But just in case, I made you a weeks worth of dinners, it's frozen in the fridge"

We laugh through snot and watery eyes until the guys start making disgusting noises and Brian finally steps in.

"Okay, okay, break it up you two" he says "Jeez Mia, you're acting like she's moving out to Miami for chrissake"

"I give it 'til March" V snorts

Leon grunts. "Hey, give the girl a chance"

I wipe at my eyes and smile at Leon…

"Make it until, September or something"

Stupid fucking ass… "Thanks a lot Leon. If you'd like to know, I actually signed a 12 month lease"

"Holy shit, a year?!" Leon whistles "How long do you think it'll take til you break it?"

I punch his arm as Vince shakes his head "I give it six months, that way you can recover some of the deposit"

"Eight months" Leon says "I'm even willing to put some money on that"

"You're on!" V yells "Two hundred"

I cannot fucking believe this…

"What the—this gambling thing, did it come with your fucking tans from Mexico?"

Before either of them can reply, Brian actually pulls out a wad of bills and hands it to LEON.

"Buy me in" he says, then smiles at me "I say a year. I think our baby girl will make the whole nine yards."

I give him a grin. "Thanks, bro"

"Hey, I have faith in you" he says "Besides, I know how much money you'll lose if you break the fucking lease, so I know you'll rather starve to death than—oww!"

He rubs his shoulder and gives me this mocking glare.

Everyone is kinda laughing, and I'm just…

Fuck, I'll miss these guys. I know it's just half an hour, but still…they're family. I'll miss getting up and seeing them, and being able to go to work and then coming home with them. This feeling of support that I get just by being near them…

I hear a light crash as Dom deposits three boxes on the floor, all marked for my bedroom and my new closet…holy shit.

I have a fucking closet, in my fucking bedroom, in my own fuck-ass apartment.

Whoa.

"Those" Dom huffs, wiping his forehead "Were definitely the last ones."

Damn.

Everything's done. I'm all moved in. I just have to unpack a few boxes, shove some clothes in my closet and some stuff in my cupboard and I'm all set.

I take a deep breath and look around. Everyone except for Dom has this weird, tight look on their faces, like they're lost and don't fucking know what to do.

"I guess that's it" I say "Thanks you guys."

"Well, yeah" Leon says, clearing his throat "I'll miss seeing you around the house--"

He doesn't really get to finish his sentence because V grabs me in a hug and Mia's right about ready to burst into tears. Again.

"Aww hell" Brian yells, throwing up his hands "Let's not start this again. Out, now! Now!"

V pulls away and ruffles my hair before waving and heading out, and Leon does the same thing. It's almost like just another night of heading out to the races…

"Bye Let" Mia says, giving me one last hug "Remember to come by every night for dinner."

I just laugh, watching as Brian tugs at her elbow and starts leading her out before it turns into another bawling fest.

"I'll see you around, sis" he smiles

"Yeah, see ya" I reply, waving

As soon as I hear the rumble of cars I give out a let out a deep breath. Alone at last.

Don't get me wrong, I'll definitely miss those guys. But this whole moving out thing…it ain't fun. The whole process of packing up all my stuff at the fort and getting used to the idea that I was going to be someplace else…that definitely left me drained.

I just want to kick back right now probably start on one of Mia's care packages.

I was about to do just that when I remembered one thing.

Dom's still here.

Standing. In the middle of my living room. With a fuck ass smirk on his face.

"What?" I ask, partly amused and pissed

He just grins. "I thought I'd wait until they were gone before I dropped this."

My eyes widen as he pulls out a box marked JUNK from behind the sofa.

"I knew you left it at home so that you could swing by and pick it up later when you thought no one was watching…but c'mon Let. Like that'll happen. It's a good thing I hid this, if V saw this he'd probably try and open it first and just beg for forgiveness later."

He shoves it along with the rest of the boxes.

"What's in there anyway?."

That makes me want to deflate with relief.

"Nothing…just stuff"

"Okay" he shrugs

After that we just kind of…stood there, looking at each other.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck…_

"I guess this is it" I blurt out

"I guess so" he answers quietly, not looking the least bit upset

I have to admit, he's handling this quite well. Fuck, he's been fucking amazing.

We've come a long way since that day last month. Hard to believe that so much has progressed in four lousy weeks, but then again. Who the hell are we to knock on time?

Three days. That's all it took. Three fucking days. One day, one night, and one afternoon, and everything that I knew was turned inside out, over and under.

Only to make way for something new…

"Thanks Dom" I say "For…for letting me do this."

He shakes his head. "No, let. I'm not letting you do anything…this was your decision. All yours."

I open my mouth to protest when I realize…he's right. This was _my _decision.

It fucking hurt to break up with him, and heavens knows that during the past four weeks, even though I knew I needed it, it fucking hurt to move out.

But I did it. And it was all me. Just me.

And Dom's smiling at me as he watches me letting it all sink in.

"Well, don't look too happy" I smirk "Unless you've been wanting to kick me out for a long time…"

"Never" he says, "You know how I feel about this."

Ah.

The tension in the room has gone up a notch, but we don't let it affect us. For once, we take control of the situation, and not let the situation take control of us.

"Which is why I'm thanking you…this time, for your support."

The smile on his face wavers, and his mouth opens like he's about to say something…instead, he reaches out and cups my cheek.

And even though I know it's a bad idea…I lean in to his hand…and pretend that we're still a couple. Dom and Letty. King and Queen.

"I'll always be here for you" he says, before taking his hand back, reminding me that this time, he's just Dom…

And I'm Letty. Just Letty.

I smile back up at him. "I know"

* * *

**Later...**

He counted ten minutes before he moved out of his car and walked underneath what he knew was her bedroom window.

The apartment was perfect. Not too big, not too small. Not too flashy. Kind of industrial, but not clinical.

Pulling out the few pebbles that he'd stashed in his pocket, he paused for a second as he thought of what he was about to do.

It was a risk…but fuck. Everything in life was a risk. He'd taken risks before, bet higher stakes…so this one should be piece of cake…right?

The first pebble arced and hit the side of her window, not really making much noise and rebounding a few inches off from his head.

Not good. This time, he needed to try harder.

He launched another pebble and watched.

It was Brian who found the apartment for her. It was actually in his old building, though this one had the windows facing an unusually clean alleyway, where she had her own parking space for her car.

He thought it was weird at first, but over the past few months, he'd come to appreciate the friendship that had formed between Brian and Letty.

It was unexpected, but he had to admit, the development had brought out a side in her that he never knew existed.

Besides, he was protective of her, more than Leon and Vince were protective of her. And he was incredibly aware of him, much like how he was aware of Mia when he knew someone had taken interest in her.

Finally, on the fifth stone, the lights came up and Letty's face appeared.

He saw her face change from shock, disbelief, and finally a combination of annoyance and amusement.

The window opened and she leaned out.

"Dom?"

He smiled, giving a little wave. "Hey."

"What are you still doing here?" she asked "I thought you already left?"

"I forgot something" he answered, nervously rocking on the balls of his feet

"You did?" she said, dubiously "Okay, then why don't you come up--"

"No" he said quickly "Umm…that's okay."

He took a deep breath, before going on. "It's just that…I wanted to tell you something awhile ago, but I…I couldn't do it with you in the same room, standing that close to me."

He saw her eyes widen, and for a moment he thought he saw...a flicker of hope.

Good, that was all he needed to go on.

"Let…I just want you to know…that I'm going to try."

Her eyes narrowed. "Try what?"

"This is a warning Let" he continued "I'm telling you that I'm going to try…for you, for myself…for us"

He watched as she absorbed what he'd just said.

There could have been more. He'd come up with dozens of versions of how to tell her, and even saw plenty of opportunities in the past month, but still…

This seemed like a perfect time. In neutral territory, with a significant amount of distance between the two of them, he felt that she trusted him more.

Trusted the fact that he was supporting her through this…even though in his heart, he knew he would never let her go.

Not without a fight.

They'd been together too long, and had through gone too much. It was a sucky way to come to a conclusion, but since they'd come back to California, he'd been thinking a lot about their relationship.

About how much the two of them had grown, and how much potential they had for change.

Letty was right. They had been together for so long, that he'd started to think of their relationship as…a habit, something that they needed to do but didn't think much about anymore.

He'd been thinking of a way to change things, and had decided on something when this thing with Jim happened.

And that's where it started.

He knew things weren't perfect, but he was willing to do something. Put things back in perspective so they could move on. Instead, Jim dropped by and in three days everything in his world was suddenly…different.

It was not good, but not bad…just different.

And even though it didn't start that way, he liked how things were now.

They were being given another chance. Them, her…_him_.

He watched as a myriad of emotions flickered on Letty's face, before settling down to her trademark scowl.

She looked pissed, but for some reason, that made him hella happy.

"Jesus, Dom, you were trying to break my windows for that?!"

He started laughing at her mock annoyance.

"No, but this was the best way to get you to look out the window and hear what I was gonna say" he said, then adding for effect

"What? I could be like that guy from any one of those videos of yours!"

He had it to hand to Letty, she didn't even blink.

"What videos?" she asked

"Oh c'mon Letty, _Junk_?" he laughed "That would be the first thing that a would fuck ass open."

"My junk?" she asked tartly "You know, you shouldn't be going through other people's shit. See, this is what we're talking about. That box was fucking tightly sealed Dom, and if you think you can--"

Ah, the anger. She was royally pissed now. But no matter, at least he was prepared for this.

"I didn't look in the box, Let" he interrupted

Ha. There was no denying it now.

"What?!"

"I said I didn't look in the box" he smirked, and went on "I've known about your stash since you first you moved in. You kept moving it around, but I always knew where you hid it."

He just sighed when he saw that she wasn't buying it.

"Let, I've known you since were diapers, and we lived together for six years…a stash of romantic comedies isn't the only thing I know about you."

He could see her mouth opening and closing as she struggled for what to say.

At last, she bit her lip and stared down at him, her annoyance somewhat gone and replaced by an open curiosity.

"If you knew about it, then why didn't you say anything?"

"Coz I knew you'd be embarrassed by it" he answered simply "I figured that if you wanted me to know…then you would have told me."

Truth be told, they were more than just videos.

When he found one under a lose board in their closet, he almost laughed and showed it to her…until he realized that it was exactly what she didn't want him to do.

She was just a kid, and she was trying so hard to impress him. He didn't think she'd appreciate the ribbing.

Over the years, he found more of them hidden around the house, and he never once mentioned it. He thought that if he did, she'd stop getting them and he didn't want that to happen, so he just let it go.

But this morning, as he saw the box hidden under a pile of clothes in the closet—no doubt to be "extracted" at a later date—he realized one thing…

Those videos…they were a part of her. And even though he meant well, he knew that he should have encouraged her to…bring it out. Letty had always been tough, but as time went on, he found that she had a softer side too.

And it was that part of her that took care of him. That asked him how he was at the end of the day, who brought him food after spending hours holed in the office, gave massages when he was tired, listened to him when he bitched about nothing and stuck with him despite all his shortcomings. And even with all that, she still acted like she had something to prove…

Because he ignored it. All of it. He'd taken it for granted because he didn't…want things to change. Didn't want to acknowledge the fact that Letty was growing up because deep down, he was just going to be this ex-con mechanic and he didn't think she deserved that.

So like the videos, he never mentioned it. Hid it back. He thought that if he stuck with the status quo, things would be fine, even if it meant ignoring all the changes around him.

But now…now would be different.

He took a deep breath as he went on. "I know you Letty. I know it doesn't seem like it with the way I act…but I do and I just…I wanted to let you know that I was gonna try and do my best to change, for myself and…well, for you."

There was a long moment of silence as the two of them processed what he just said.

Blood was pounding in his ears. He didn't know where it came from, or how he managed to say all that, but there it was. The truth was all out.

And he fucking wanted to faint.

Letty finally put him out of his misery by breaking the silence.

"Jeez Dom, you learn all that by sneaking around watching some of my videos" she smirked

He grinned. "I think I did better than those crap."

"How the hell would you know?" she smacked back "The most romantic thing you've ever wached is a Mel Gibson video!"

"Hey! Braveheart was a classic!" he defended "And for an action star, the guy is a pretty decent actor"

"Yeah, yeah" she said, waving him off

"What? That was damn good delivery" he said "Better than belting out a song on top of a white limo"

He laughed as he saw Letty's cheeks redden slightly.

"First off, I know you wouldn't stand on top the Mazda and ruin the fuckin' paint" she answered "And second of all, the only music you know is fucking techno and rap"

"Hey!" he yelled

"I don't think Ja Rule covers this kinda situation in any of his booty shakin' songs"

He was about to protest when he realized that she was right. He really didn't know any songs beside…rap and hip-hop.

So he just shrugged. "Hey, it's the thought that counts right?"

The two of them just laughed. But as he watched her get ready to go back in he suddenly remembered something…

Maybe she was right. The most romantic thing he ever watched _was _a Mel Gibson video…it could work…and he knew the fucking words too…

"Hot damn" he thought, the idea lighting up in his head

She was about to say goodbye when the words just flew out of his mouth.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine _

_You make me happy, when skies are gray_

_This song tells me, how much I love you_

_Please don't take, my sunshine away_

It was fucking short, and he didn't know the rest, but…hell holy shit, did he just fucking do that?!?!…and we're those tears?

He wasn't so sure, but Letty's eyes seemed unusually bright underneath the moonlight.

"So?" he asked sheepishly, shoving his hands in his pockets and trying very hard to forget that he just made an ass of himself

He could see that she was trying to keep a straight face.

"Dom?" she snorted

"Yeah?"

"Your voice **_sucks_**"

With that, she pulled up from where she was leaning on the window and went back in, leaving him smiling like an idiot in the middle of an alley way.

Okay, so he did kind of suck, he did better with rap tunes, but at least she went back smiling.

It made him feel like a moron, and he doubted that he'd ever do it again (or if Letty would even let him) but he just wanted her to know that he would do anything to make this thing work.

He'd sing a song, give her space, and even though it hurt like hell, he was willing to go through the process of growing up—with and without her.

He stayed in the alleyway long after she'd locked up the windows.

This was the first night that she'd be spending in her own apartment and a part of him just wanted to make sure she was safe before he left.

But he knew that he had to let go of her a bit in order for them to move on. He had to make that sacrifice…for him, for her…

"For us" he thought, as his hand brushed through a velvety object in his pocket

He smiled as he walked back on his way to his car.

He'd gotten it a month ago, on a whim. He really didn't know what he was thinking, except that he'd passed through the store and thought…it was time.

And he was waiting for the perfect time to tell her, hiding it from her and the team…until Brian found it hidden in his office drawer when he'd come looking for some files.

He'd carried it with him all the time after that.

Brian hadn't said anything, but had hinted at wanting to talk. And up until then, it was that talk that he'd been dreading. And then Jim showed up.

His understanding of her became deeper then.

Three days. All it took was three days. One day, one night, and one afternoon, and life as he knew it had suddenly changed.

But even though it fucking hurt, he was glad now that it happened. It was almost like a sign.

They had no secrets now. Whatever was in their past…it was done. Over with. They could move on.

But if so much could happen in three days, then a lot more could happen in a year, and he already had a feeling that they were going to be in for one heck of a ride.

But he could wait a year. Twelve months of waiting was nothing if that meant he could have all the days after.

He got into his car, started the engine, and watched as Letty turned off the lights.

She'd been watching over him too.

"Night, Let" he whispered "See you tomorrow"

**The End**

**(for real this time)**

PS.

I don't own the song, so please don't sue. And for the kiddies who were too young to remember the movie references…it's "Forever Young" and "Pretty Woman". Now go watch them. They're pretty good.


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